


Low

by unknown_knowns



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/F, I promise this will eventually end in a satisfying place, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, LGBTQ Themes, Minor s/m, Somehow, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Character, Transphobia, Vague AU, alcohol abuse tw, angsty and fluffy and angsty again, but boy howdy is it a ride, it's also probably one of my happiest endings, lots of heavy themes, lots of queer themes, mostly AU, my sad bitchy asshole daughters, parental abuse tw, suicide TW, the chasepricefield is not a focus and happens at the end, transphobia TW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-18 13:11:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 61,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11875209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknown_knowns/pseuds/unknown_knowns
Summary: Chloe is low.Victoria is low.Two damaged idiots slowly make the best of the worstand learn life is worth living, even when you'relow





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content notice: Alcohol abuse TW, Suicide TW

Some nights in Chloe’s life were forever burned into her memory, for whatever reason.

Some of them she wanted to relive.

Some of them she wanted to forget.

As summer ended and Rachel disappeared, Chloe’s life more-or-less fell apart.

She was doing alright, earlier.

She was at least fucking getting by.

But now Chloe wasn’t even sure her life had a point, or if it ever did, and the thought was so distressing and alarming she did everything she could to shut out the doubt and deny it.

 

One of those ways was attending parties.

 

Chloe wasn’t actually a huge fan of the Vortex Club.

Putting it mildly.

Most of the people in it either disliked her or hated her, and the feeling was mutual.

But they had good parties and free drinks.

It was hard to complain about either of those things.

As the unyielding heat of summer air faded into the slightly smoking-smelling early fall, Chloe remembered pulling up to one of those parties.

Already two or three drinks ahead, and at least a little high.

Being drunk made everything easier.

She didn’t have to fucking feel.

She could just be.

There was a small line leading to the club.

Chloe shoved her hands in her jacket pockets and impatiently waited until it was her turn for the bouncer to check.

 

“You’re not on the list.”

Chloe scoffed.

“You didn’t even look.”

The bouncer crossed his arms, with the clipboard and list of names tucked under one of his armpits.

“I didn’t have to. I got specific instructions about ---“

Chloe pulled one of her hands out of her jacket and shoved him to the side.

“--- hey!”

She started to walk past him but he grasped at the fabric of her jacket and tugged her back.

“Don’t touch me you fucking ---“

Chloe snapped her attention around and that same free hand thoughtlessly winded back.

It was about halfway through the motion of a punch when she heard,

“--- _Chloe_.”

Chloe paused.

The voice was familiar.

The bouncer sneered at Chloe, looking between her and the first.

Chloe was actually taller than him, because ---

“I see you haven’t chilled out one bit.”

Nathan walked up to her side, wearing his usual blindingly-red jacket with his arms stuffed into the pockets.

He sniffed and shook his head.

“Let him go. I don’t want to have to find _another_ bouncer.”

Chloe looked to him.

“Only if I can come in.”

Nathan sighed wearily.

“Fine, you fuckin’ psycho.”

Chloe lowered her fist, looked back to the bouncer, and shoved him away.

They both grunted.

The bouncer released her jacket and crossed his arms, annoyed.

Chloe stared at him for a few moments longer until he stopped glaring at her and went back to the other people in line.

She walked up to Nathan.

“Since when do you care about wailing on people? Fuck him. He deserves nothing. Like fuckin’ ---”

Nathan frowned and pulled out both of his hands to cross them.

“Jesus.”

The simple word wasn’t enough to make Chloe reflect on what she was saying, but it was enough to make her stop, at least.

Chloe’s relationship with Nathan was an odd one.

She didn’t like him.

He didn’t like her.

But they both liked Rachel.

And Rachel left both of them.

It was some kind of weird solidarity.

“Get another drink in you. And no fist fights this time.”

Chloe scoffed again, and shoved her way past Nathan.

“Don’t have to tell me twice.”

Nathan watched her go with another frown.

The less Chloe knew about Rachel’s disappearance, the better.

 

Inside the party, Chloe found a drink.

And another.

Maybe another.

She stopped counting.

 

\---

 

Victoria was fucking furious.

She had been _very_ clear with the stupid idiot bouncer ---

“You’re not allowed here.”

She found the useless punk that was Chloe Price ambling around drunkenly.

Victoria kinda hated how close she had to be to the piece of trash just to talk clearly.

Chloe scoffed and took another sip of her drink.

“Nathan let me in. Shows who has the real power around here.”

Victoria tightly gripped her drink.

Fucking.

Nathan.

Victoria couldn’t figure out why the hell Nathan was being so nice to Chloe, of all people.

The plastic cup crinkled a bit.

Chloe grinned stupidly.

“Hit a nerve, Vicky? Knowing you’re not really the leader of the Vortex Club?”

Victoria took a step closer.

She finished off her drink.

It had to have been the fourth or fifth tonight.

She tossed the empty plastic cup at Chloe’s face.

After the cup already fell to the floor, Chloe flinched and batted away at the nothing where the cup used to be.

“My name is _Victoria_ , you bitch. I’ll have you know the Vortex Club does exactly what I want it to do when I want it to.”

Victoria crossed her arms in her trademark power pose and glared intently at Chloe.

Chloe wore Victoria’s hatred and disdain like a badge of honor, proudly shimmering with glee.

Victoria didn’t know why this bitch could get under her skin like this so easily, but, fuck it.

She was drunk.

She was allowed to be angry and annoyed.

She was allowed to make a fucking scene if she wanted to.

Chloe finished her own drink, but when she threw it at Victoria, it went wide and didn’t even come close to her face.

Jesus.

Chloe was fucked up.

“Doesn’t seem like it. No matter how much you hated Rachel, she still went to everyone of these fuckin’ parties, and she made every single one of them way better than you ever could.”

_Rachel._

Victoria’s fingernails dug into her own skin –

Her lips curled up into a harsh snarl –

She narrowed her eyes –

“Fuck you. Rachel was nothing and you’re even less. _Leave_.”

Chloe scoffed dangerously, cracked her neck, and got up right in front of Victoria.

Victoria was suddenly reminded of the fact Chloe was taller, stronger, had a criminal record, and had already punched out one of the bouncers here.

She was also drunk.

This was not a good combination of things.

“Or you’ll do fuckin’ _what_? Bitch at me some more?”

Victoria frowned deeply, opened her mouth, but.

Nothing came out.

Chloe shoved at her shoulder, then brushed past her.

Victoria did nothing except watch Chloe drunkenly amble off to another part of the party.

“Just leave me the fuck alone. Why can’t people just leave me the fuck alone.”

On some level, surely, Victoria felt bad.

Chloe clearly was hurting after Rachel disappeared.

Not that Victoria gave one raw fuck if Rachel had ended up dying or just left everyone but –

Her disappearance had an impact on most of her social circle.

And most of it was negative.

But Chloe was a legitimately dangerous asshole.

It seemed like she was just one wrong fight away from her death at all times, now.

Victoria wanted none of that near her, especially her parties.

But, so long as Nathan kept covering for her …

Victoria sighed and looked down to the floor.

God fucking damn it.

 

\---

 

More out of instinct than thought, Chloe made her way to the girl’s dorm after the party.

She was so used to –

When Chloe made it to Rachel’s room, though, her conscious mind reminded her of the fact she didn’t want to remember.

Rachel was gone.

Chloe sniffled, and slumped against Rachel’s dorm’s door.

Her forehead rested uneasily on the surface, with her hands drunkenly grasping at whatever they could for some measure of support.

It wasn’t fair.

Nothing was fair.

This was such bullshit.

Finally something goes fucking _right_ in Chloe’s life –

For just a _little while_ Chloe could forget about all of the shit that’s happened to her -

There was at least _one_ person who didn’t leave her –

Then it all comes crashing down.

Rachel’s gone.

Max is nowhere.

Her dad is dead.

Why was she even fucking alive, anymore.

Chloe slammed her head against the door and groaned at the pain it caused.

 

Quiet.

 

“Still crying over her fucking body?”

 

Chloe didn’t know how much later it was when these words came.

She’d forgotten that Rachel’s dorm and Victoria’s were on the same floor.

Still.

Goddamnit, Victoria.

“Leave me the fuck alone.”

Victoria didn’t, of course.

“You’re not the only one who cared for her, you know. You’re not the only one with issues.”

Chloe scoffed dangerously, sniffled again, and pushed herself off of Rachel’s door.

She felt drained from crying, but she could feel the anger rising inside of her from Victoria’s bitchiness.

“Fuck you. You don’t know _anything_ about what happened between me and Rachel. No one ---”

Victoria stepped closer, her arms still crossed.

But she was wobbling, slightly.

Chloe could tell she was thoroughly drunk, now, like her.

“--- _Everyone_ knew what was happening between you and Rachel, asshole. You’re not exactly a subtle fucking person. Girlfriends break up. People move on. A dead father and a missing girlfriend doesn’t give you ---”

Chloe lost what remained of her composure and slammed her body against Victoria’s.

They were up against a wall, and Victoria’s hands quickly came up to wrestle –

“--- Don’t you fucking talk about my dad you little ---”

“--- Get your fucking filthy hands off of me ---”

Chloe was stronger and taller, though.

She found Victoria’s hands and wrists.

She slammed them harshly against the wall and gripped at them so tightly she hoped she cut off circulation to her hands.

Chloe was angry, tired, drunk, sad, desperate –

It all came together in a weird sort of shouting-crying-warbling,

“You don’t fucking understand. No one fucking understands. Rachel was the last thing in my life that kept me from killing myself and what the fuck ---”

Chloe brought Victoria’s hands back before slamming them against the wall again,

“--- The _fuck_   --- did I even do to you? Huh? Fucking answer me, bitch. What did I do to deserve you trying to make me feel like shit every fucking time you see me?”

There were tears in Chloe’s eyes and she couldn’t even really see.

Her nose felt clogged and stuffy and there was adrenaline all in her body.

Maybe that was the only thing keeping her from passing out, anymore.

 

Quiet.

 

“I --- I --- I ---“

Victoria sounded different, now.

Not just because she was halting and stammering and unbalanced from all that Chloe had just dumped on her, either.

Chloe kinda wished her world wasn’t so blurry from tears so that she could see the facial expression on Victoria’s face a bit better.

Chloe sniffled again and shoved her own face into some part of Victoria’s gown to wipe away some of the tears.

When Chloe looked back up to Victoria, her mouth was gaping and she was blushing and she –

Chloe could see emotion on her face.

Her eyebrows were pitched up, her eyes were dancing.

Was this fucking sympathy?

Chloe felt unreasonably tired all of the sudden and slumped forward, a bit.

She rested her forehead on Victoria’s and exhaled harshly, still sniffling and crying.

Her grip on Victoria’s wrists loosened somewhat.

“I can’t take it anymore, Vic.”

Drained of everything, Chloe had no emotions left to color her voice with.

It just came out flat and miserable.

She always hated how her anger made her feel whenever it left her.

Chloe tightly closed her eyes, welded them shut with her tears, and released Victoria’s wrists entirely.

She slammed one of her fists on the wall on either side of Victoria’s head and whimpered pathetically.

“I can’t fucking … I can’t keep …”

 

Quiet.

 

For a few moments, there was only Chloe’s whimpering and crying.

But then Victoria leaned her face forward, a bit.

They were already so close before so as to feel every exhale of each other’s breathing but –

Now their lips were in contact.

Chloe slumped even more, but didn’t resist the kiss.

At first, anyway.

The booze and fatigue in her system were slowing down her mind and response time and she eventually –

Chloe’s eyes shot open -

Chloe pulled away hazily and almost stumbled onto the opposite wall.

But she had enough balance remaining to stop shy of it.

Victoria pushed herself off of the wall and crossed her arms again, but she was looking down and away.

Very unlike her.

Chloe tasted her lips –

Victoria tasted of Vodka –

“What …”

Victoria grunted and stepped in front of Chloe again.

“I can make you feel good. For tonight. You can forget everything for a little while.”

Chloe hesitated, but frowned.

“The fuck do … you care?"

Victoria sighed in exasperation, looking up to Chloe.

“Don’t over-complicate this. This is not me caring. This is me not having to think about you being fucking suicidal.”

Chloe continued to frown.

“Points for honesty …”

She didn’t honestly know if she could –

Victoria was pretty hot though –

But Rachel –

Victoria closed the remaining distance between them and looked up to Chloe.

She raised her hand up to Chloe’s cheek.

Chloe shot a hand up to grasp at the arm, but, she didn’t keep the hand from stroking and being affectionate.

She just held the arm.

“So, do you want to forget?”

Chloe sniffled.

 

She kinda already knew the answer.

 

“Yeah. That’s all I want to do, anymore.”

Victoria leaned up –

Chloe leaned forward –

They kissed, again.

Chloe didn’t pull away, this time.

She closed her eyes and moved her hands to Victoria’s sides.

Chloe was so drunk, so tired, so drained, so worried, so sad but –

When she did things.

When she got high.

When she went to parties.

When she focused on skating or –

When she did literally fucking anything, she could try and forget everything.

The fact that Victoria knew about this coping mechanism told Chloe she probably had somethings she wanted to forget about, too.

But it wasn’t important, right now.

What was important was the way Victoria bit at Chloe’s bottom lip and pulled it away, aggressively.

What was important was that _look_ in her eyes that almost made Chloe shiver –

What was important was Victoria’s entirely too-long nails suddenly underneath her tank top –

What was important is that her mind was flushed with a lot of distracting thoughts.

 

Victoria pulled Chloe into her room, and shoved her onto her bed.

Chloe just grunted and fell onto it, but eventually corrected herself to sitting on the edge.

Victoria got down on her knees –

Chloe blinked –

Victoria reached under the bed and pulled out a container that Chloe readily recognized as alcohol, and a shot glass.

She slowly got back up and placed them both down on her desk.

“Vic, I’m already ---”

Victoria just scoffed and started pouring.

“You’re not fucked-up enough to really stop feeling.”

Chloe gaped her mouth for a few seconds.

Victoria responded with this so automatically and thoughtlessly, like she knew the objection was coming in advance.

She then turned around and offered the shot glass.

Chloe stared at for a few seconds, and sighed.

She knew Victoria was right, of course.

Was it really fixing anything if she just ran away from her problems with alcohol and weed?

“Drink.”

Chloe only needed a little bit more encouragement, though.

She took the glass and downed it in one go, quickly and efficiently.

She exhaled harshly afterwards and gave the glass back.

“That’s not cheap shit.”

Victoria scoffed, pouring another one and downing it herself.

Though she pointedly did so in a more reserved and calm manner, and breathed out calmly afterwards.

“I don’t drink rotgut.”

Chloe frowned.

“We all don’t have a choice.”

Victoria sighed wearily again, pouring another shot and giving it to Chloe.

Chloe mindlessly downed this one, but breathed easily afterwards.

“Being rich isn’t the most amazing thing in the world.”

If Chloe had rolled her eyes any harder they would have fallen out of her head.

Though they might have done that anyway with how loose she was feeling, right now.

Chloe tightened her grip on the edge of the bed, but still started to sway gently, unconsciously or not.

“Only you could find a way to complain about having a perfect life.”

Victoria groaned in that way she did when she knew she was in the wrong, all agonized, but still took to having another shot.

Afterwards, she put the shot glass and container of vodka down and rubbed thoroughly at her temples.

“Superficially perfect. I do one thing ---”

Victoria lowered her hand from her head and extended a single finger, pointed in Chloe’s direction –

“--- _one little thing_ , wrong and I’m fucking done. My dad disowns me. My life’s over.”

Chloe just scoffed.

“Must be nice to have a dad still.”

Victoria sighed again, and closed her eyes.

She crossed her arms, and looked down to the floor.

Once again, her voice came out so fragile that Chloe almost wanted to record it with her phone so she wouldn’t forget it later.

“I wish my dad was dead. At least then he wouldn’t be busy making my life miserable.”

Chloe frowned.

Victoria didn’t know what she was asking for.

But how fucked could her relationship with her father possibly be that she legitimately thought that?

That she thought what Chloe went through was a _better_ alternative?

Victoria looked up, uncrossed her arms, and suddenly took the vodka and shot glass into her hands as she sat down next to Chloe.

She poured herself another drink and slammed it, and yet another and gave it to Chloe.

Chloe hesitated.

“This is … a lot… I already had…”

Victoria just sniffled and shoved it into Chloe’s hands anyway.

“Do it until you fucking pass out. Until you can’t fucking feel your face anymore. Don’t count the number.”

Chloe’s frown deepened.

Goddamn, Victoria.

Still, Chloe took the shot, even if she immediately regretted it, and gave the glass back to Victoria.

“But I didn’t come here to talk about my dad. You didn’t go to the party to talk about Rachel.”

Victoria had a point, Chloe had to admit.

Victoria took _yet_ another shot, before rubbing at her lips with her arm.

“Take your top off.”

Chloe blinked a few times.

“Jeez Vic, don’t you gotta buy me dinner first?”

Victoria scoffed inelegantly, a forced sputtering sound that belied her increasing lack of coordination.

“Stop fuckin’ around. You’re hot. I’m hot. I don’t want to think about a-anything else tonight.”

Chloe exhaled, amused.

There was a certain kind of brusque bluntness to Victoria that was oddly endearing.

Rachel would never be so direct in complimenting Chloe.

Victoria did have a goddamn point, though.

Chloe did find Victoria quite attractive, just.

It was hard to believe the feeling was mutual.

Victoria poured Chloe another drink while Chloe took off her tank top.

Not like it was covering all that much anyway with how much her bra showed underneath it.

Chloe downed the poured drink as soon as she tossed her tank away.

Victoria put the glass and vodka back on her desk and groaned.

“Give me your phone.”

Chloe blinked.

“What?”

Victoria huffed, crossed her arms, and shook her head.

“You don’t trusss’ me to not record you or something during the night, do you?”

Chloe thought about it for a few seconds, then slowly shook her head.

“Then give me your phone. I’ll put both of them in my desk and we’ll forget about them.”

Chloe sighed and closed her eyes, but fished out her phone all of the same.

Victoria took it, and Chloe paid careful attention to where she put it, before Victoria crashed back down on the bed.

She almost fell over, but pushed herself back up into a sitting position.

“Now. Shake that ass and give me a fuckin … a fuckin … fuckin lap dance.”

Chloe couldn’t help but giggle at this, and it felt good to giggle.

It’d been far too long since she’d actually laughed honestly.

“Dude holy shit you are … fucked … up.”

Victoria harshly shook her head and crossed her arms in a manner that was even exaggerated for her.

“Nu-uh. Now shhhhhhhut up and do it. Do it now.”

Chloe exhaled, amused, and pushed herself off of the bed.

Woah.

That wasn’t the best of ideas, but Chloe was fine.

She made her way over to stand in front of Victoria, and brought a hand up to her cheek.

Victoria looked up to her and blinked.

“How about … no?”

Victoria frowned.

Chloe giggled again and leaned forward –

Too much forward –

She fell forward, even –

They collided together in a big dumb drunk mess.

Chloe groaned.

Victoria groaned.

They writhed inelegantly for a few seconds but eventually ended up side-by-side, just facing one another.

 

Quiet.

 

Victoria frowned, and looked down.

Chloe eventually realized that Victoria was staring at her boobs.

She got a toothy grin.

“Chase is admiring my boobs.”

Victoria scoffed, but hesitated on a response.

“They’re smaller than I thought.”

Chloe scoffed and shoved at Victoria’s shoulder.

Her response came so automatically.

“ _Shut up,_ Rachel. When I grow up they’ll be _amazing_ and you’ll ---”

Both of them suddenly froze.

Chloe blinked.

Victoria blinked.

 

Quiet.

 

 

 

 

It was one of the most painful silences Chloe had ever suffered through.

 

 

 

 

“Did she make you feel … inadequate?”

 

 

 

 

Quiet.

 

Chloe groaned painfully and raised both of her hands up to tightly press them against her cheeks.

“Ugh, Vic, I don’t want to fucking – this is – this is _insane_ \-- you don’t care at all about me and –”

Victoria moved forward just enough and kissed at one of Chloe’s hands about her cheeks.

Chloe lowered them after some delay, and Victoria kissed at her lips again.

It was inaccurate, and a bit too forceful, but there was warmth behind it, and when she pulled away, Victoria’s face was gentle.

“I … there’sssss a reason I hate Rachel so much, Chloe.”

Chloe could do nothing but gape her mouth like a stupid fish for a few seconds.

“Other than you … mmnnn wanting to fuck her?”

Victoria scoffed in another drunken sputtering sound and looked up.

“Yes, _bitch_ , other than that.”

Victoria breathed in slowly and exhaled harshly against Chloe’s nose.

Their noses touched and she closed her eyes.

Chloe closed hers, too.

“Rachel is the only legitimately evil person I’ve ever met in my life.”

Chloe flinched, and frowned.

“What?”

Victoria bit briefly at one of Chloe’s lips and she made a surprised yelping sound.

Victoria sure was bite-y.

“She probably told you she loved you, yeah? That you were special to her?”

Chloe’s frown deepened.

“Of course, she was my ---”

Victoria scoffed.

“She’s told that to at least Nathan and you. Probably Frank too with the way that creepy asshole looks at her …”

Chloe grunted harshly.

“Bullshit, she wouldn’t – Rachel wouldn’t –“

Chloe’s voice was getting all waving and labored but –

Victoria closed what little distance was between their lips again.

It was even more forceful than the last one.

Victoria’s still entirely-too-long finger nails raked along Chloe’s sides and belly and –

Chloe just melted.

Her eyes were welded tightly closed, her breathing was shallow and uneven, she was fucking shaking but –

Victoria was right there, and she was so warm.

Her lips tasted so heavily of alcohol, but it was so distracting.

Victoria smelled like someone poured vodka all over some fragrances pulled right out of a Bed Bath and Beyond and just –

Despite Chloe’s worst, deepest, darkest fear about her relationship with Rachel being validated, she didn’t think too much about it.

Her mind wasn’t given any license to run miles ahead.

Chloe leaned into the kiss, and moaned when one of Victoria’s nails dug in enough to surely leave a mark.

She eventually pulled away from the kiss, now feeling a little fuzzy and breathless.

“You’re not … going anywhere near my pussy with those … nails.”

Chloe opened her eyes and Victoria scoffed.

But she was smiling, gently.

“Don’t worry. I wassssn’t … wasn’t even thinking about it.”

Chloe blinked.

“Huh?”

Victoria’s grin became more devious, and she rode up one of her hands to Chloe’s cheek.

Fucking hell Victoria loved digging in her nails.

Chloe couldn’t say she hated the sensation though.

“No … I’m … straight. I don’t have any experience with women. You … on the other hand …”

Chloe was almost offended that Victoria had the gall to call herself straight after _staring at her boobs_ and so obviously flirting but –

Chloe knew what it was like to deny who she was.

And she knew how David felt about her dating Rachel.

Maybe Victoria’s father was similarly assholeish.

What did Victoria say? She couldn’t make a single wrong move?

She decided not to call Victoria out on how obviously wrong it was.

“You would be able to … make me feel good.”

Chloe sputtered an amused sound.

“I see now. All of that caring and shit was a ploy to get laid –“

Victoria gently slapped at Chloe’s cheek.

Chloe grunted and stopped.

She stared intently at Victoria.

“Less complaining, more fingering.”

Chloe growled and gently bit at the hand that was up by her cheek.

“You’re not the boss of me.”

Still.

Chloe leaned forward and kissed at Victoria’s neck.

Victoria’s hand moved to play with Chloe’s hair – at least her fucking nails felt _great_ scratching her head.

Chloe kissed lower.

Lower.

And lower.

Chloe was low.

 

 

\---

 

 

Victoria found Chloe not when she woke up, but much later.

Perhaps in the only place Chloe felt at ease, anymore.

Rachel’s room.

Victoria felt no reverence for the room and had already been in it a few times to look for anything suspicious or otherwise useful.

This apparently was taboo or whateverthefuck.

Regardless, Victoria knew Chloe was in here a lot, too.

Chloe was slumped on Rachel’s bed with a joint in her hand.

She was sitting off the edge of the bed, just staring into the nothingness her mind projected around her.

Victoria wasn’t even sure Chloe realized she was here.

Victoria quietly closed the door to Rachel’s room and took a few steps closer.

She cleared her throat.

Like a machine that hadn’t been oiled in a century, Chloe painfully ratcheted her head away from staring at the nothingness to Victoria.

She blinked, took another hit of her joint, and exhaled the smoke in Victoria’s direction.

It was too far away to hit her face, but, still.

Victoria’s nose crinkled and she crossed her arms.

“What do you want?”

Chloe sounded so desolate and empty, now.

Like she didn’t even have the energy left to be annoyed at Victoria, like she always was.

“Last night …”

Victoria just kind of trailed off and frowned.

Chloe sighed, took another hit of her joint, and slumped forward even more.

She looked like she had the entire world on her shoulders, and it wasn’t a weight she could handle.

“Figured you’d just pretend it never happened and we’d go on as usual.”

Victoria nodded, gently.

“That is a welcomed arrangement, but.”

She closed her eyes, breathed in deeply, and hesitated.

Chloe slowly looked back to her again with an eyebrow raised.

“I’m worried about what I told you about Rachel.”

Chloe scoffed inelegantly and rolled her eyes.

She looked back to one of Rachel’s walls.

Victoria was always slightly uncomfortable with how much casual half-naked women were plastered in Rachel’s room, but Chloe didn’t seem to mind at all.

For some reason.

“Think I’m going to kill myself now that I know she was fucking around?”

Even when talking about something so morbid and dark, Chloe still couldn’t muster the energy to have even a lick of emotion in her voice.

Just.

Flat.

Exhausted.

Weary.

Drained.

Victoria nodded gently and took a few steps closer.

“Something like that.”

Chloe shrugged, and breathed in deeply.

Her exhale was slow.

“There is nothing you could say to me to make me think less of Rachel.”

Victoria blinked.

“Wh ---”

Chloe scoffed, again, and shook her head.

“I told you, you didn’t understand. We were both … fucking drunk, but … still. Rachel wasn’t ---”

Chloe groaned in exasperation – at least there was _some_ emotion in her voice now –

“--- She _isn’t_ just my girlfriend or whatever. … Rachel is my life. She’s everything to me.”

Quiet.

Victoria didn’t really know what to say.

“Not even if she … and Nathan … ?”

Chloe huffed.

“Look I’m not fucking _happy_ if she banged other people, okay?”

Anger.

Emotion.

Chloe snapped her gaze to looking at Victoria and her expression was harsh.

Her eyes were narrowed and her brows furrowed.

Was it progress if Chloe was feeling again, or regression if she was only feeling negative things?

Questions Victoria couldn’t answer so early in the morning.

Quiet.

Chloe took another hit of her joint and exhaled it harshly into the open room.

She stared at the walls again.

“But that’s something I can work on with her. Like you don’t know … “

Chloe rolled her shoulders, looked around, and got up.

Victoria’s eyes followed her as Chloe made her way to the opposite of the room and fussed with some piles of garbage.

After a few seconds, she walked back to Victoria, and handed her a polaroid picture.

Victoria uncrossed her arms to carefully take it.

She blinked.

Chloe and Rachel, in some garage, playing music together.

Chloe was fucking topless good fucking lord –

Victoria blushed a little bit –

But they both looked so happy.

They were standing a foot or so away from one another, staring at each other, both with what Victoria assumed to be guitars in their hands.

And there was just this intense look between them.

Chloe’s eyes were dancing even though the picture was still and forbidden from life.

Rachel’s smile was so warm and affectionate, and it didn’t even look like that fake plastic shit her bitch ass put on routinely.

Victoria sighed and looked up from the photo.

Chloe was still right there in front of her, watching her observe the picture.

“Don't stare at my boobs, Chase.”

Victoria groaned and rolled her eyes.

“I wasn’t.”

Chloe smiled, barely.

“You were blushing.”

Victoria huffed and looked away.

Chloe hesitated, but then turned around and walked back to the bed.

She sat down on it.

“That was probably the best night of my life. We had an amazing set, had amazing sex, and Rachel told me she wanted me to be hers forever.”

Victoria blinked only about a few million times and slowly looked away from the wall to Chloe.

“She talked about having a future with you?”

Chloe nodded, slowly.

“Yeah. Something like that. We were going to fuck this town and go off to LA. Form a real band or something. Play at shitty dives to people too drunk to care …”

Chloe almost sounded wistful now, and she was still smiling gently.

But then she exhaled sharply.

“She isn’t just my life now. She’s my future, too. I planned everything with her, you know. Like the next five fucking years. We were going to – I was going to – Fucking – ugh.”

Chloe slumped down, once again being weighed down by the harsh reality of the world.

The smile left her lips, the color left her face, and the tone left her voice.

“I still remember like … day fucking three or four of meeting her, I break down into crying like the useless idiot I am and she’s just …”

Chloe couldn’t find the word for a few seconds.

“Perfect. Like an angel. She reached and touched my cheek and I just – everything was so – I couldn't think or feel but – she knew what to say. She knew what to do. She hardly fucking knew who I was then but she made me feel better than years of therapy or drugs ever could.”

Chloe slowly looked up, to Victoria.

“And now she’s gone.”

Victoria pursed her lips into such a fine line she was sure they would hurt later.

“Chloe …”

Chloe sighed and stood up.

Her entire body was loose and her arms moved freely like two heavy weights affixed to a long string as she ambled back over to Victoria.

“So yeah… like… I don’t want to think about Nathan’s pasty dick limply thrusting into her but – I want her to be happy. And she makes me happy. I’ll do anything – _anything_ – so long as I can see her again. So long as she can touch my face again and tell me that this _fucking_ world isn’t as shitty as I keep realizing it is.”

Quiet.

Victoria looked intently at Chloe.

Chloe returned the favor.

The silence was a little awkward.

“What if she’s not that into you?”

Chloe scoffed, took another hit of her joint, and blew the smoke next to Victoria.

“Then she’ll tell me that to my fucking face when I find her in LA.”

Victoria raised a hand to rub at her own cheek harshly.

“And if she’s not in LA?”

Chloe closed her eyes and breathed in deeply.

She exhaled it right into Victoria’s face.

“I don’t know. She’s my everything, Vic. I need to find her. I need to … fix … whatever shit I did that made her run away without me.”

Chloe’s voice wavered for the first time since last night.

The little wavering tugged at sympathies Victoria didn’t even know she had for Chloe.

“Chloe … it’s such a long shot. Even if you can make it to LA and somehow afford to live there while searching for her … what are the odds of actually running into her? What are the odds you’ll just find her in a bar somewhere or something? What ---”

Chloe grunted, raised a hand up, and shoved at Victoria’s shoulder.

Victoria frowned.

“--- I don’t want to fucking think about it.”

Victoria frowned more deeply.

“ _Chloe_. This is ---”

Chloe collided with Victoria for the second time in two days and it was getting precisely no easier to deal with.

They slammed into Rachel’s door.

Chloe sniffled.

Victoria’s self-preservation instincts were being overridden by all of the agony she could see in Chloe.

“I. Don’t. Want. To. Think. About. It.”

Chloe found Victoria’s wrists and her nails dug into them and Victoria really wished she didn’t find it so impossibly fucking erotic because this was _not_ a good time –

Quiet.

For a few seconds, once again, all Victoria could hear was Chloe’s broken, raggedy, half-sobbing breathing, and see the tremendous pain exerting itself all over her body.

Chloe slumped forward.

She rested her forehead on Victoria’s, again.

She closed her eyes.

Victoria closed hers, too.

Quiet.

The grasp on Victoria’s wrists loosened.

She just gently rubbed at them, instead.

Victoria spoke as gently as she could.

She wasn’t sure if anyone else had heard this tenderness out of her.

Certainly not after physically assaulting her like that.

“Would Rachel want you to be like this?”

Chloe sniffled.

“No.”

Victoria gently, slowly kissed her.

Chloe didn’t resist, and exhaled miserably against her face after she broke away.

“What are you saying, Vic?”

The goddamn waver in Chloe’s voice was going to actually be the death of Victoria some day goddamn.

“That you’ve done everything you can for now.”

She could feel another harsh exhale on her face.

“I can’t ---”

Victoria exhaled right back, and found Chloe’s hands to interlock their fingers.

“--- Chloe.”

Quiet.

Victoria kissed Chloe again, and after separating, Chloe pushed herself just that much more into Victoria and gave her a few quick kisses.

She squeezed their hands.

Victoria reciprocated.

“Just … give it a few months. Stay here. Don’t do anything drastic. It’s only been … See if it gets any better.”

Chloe inhaled deeply, and exhaled just as harshly again.

Victoria gave her a quick peck kiss.

Chloe returned it.

“And do what? I’m nothing here. Just some fucking psycho with a dead dad and a missing girlfriend.”

Chloe’s voice didn’t have the waver anymore, but.

She exchanged it for a brutally honest, unflinchingly desolate whispering.

It wasn’t any easier to hear.

“You can be something. Something other than Rachel’s shadow. You can – you play music, apparently – you can be in the Vortex Club if you want – you can –“

Chloe groaned.

“I’ve been nothing but Rachel for three years. I can’t just … flip a switch.”

Victoria nodded, although barely, since the position with their foreheads in contact didn’t give her a lot of freedom.

“I don’t mean immediately. I mean you can _try_. If you can’t get over her in … six months? … I’ll personally find you the money to get you to LA.”

Chloe groaned again –

Victoria kissed her again –

Chloe broke their hands apart and shoved herself off of the door.

Victoria opened her eyes.

Chloe opened hers.

Quiet.

Victoria slowly lowered her hands to her sides, now that Chloe wasn’t gently pinning them.

They both just breathed for a few seconds.

Victoria was transfixed on the journey Chloe’s face was making between expressions.

Confusion – regret – anger – sympathy? – sorrow –

After a few seconds of processing, Chloe shook her head, crossed her arms, and turned around.

“No. I can’t … Rachel …”

Victoria frowned.

After an agonizing delay, she took a few steps closer, and placed her hand on Chloe’s shoulder.

Chloe breathed in harshly and exhaled a whimper, shaking Victoria’s hand off of her shoulder.

“Stop it.”

Victoria’s frown intensified.

“Stop what?”

Chloe snapped in a turn around and her expression was solidly pitched up in anger, now.

“Stop fucking pretending like you care about me. This is --- I’m not an idiot --- that was sex last night, not love and you don’t --- this is a _trick_ or --- … _something_ \---”

Victoria crossed her own arms.

This woman was impossible.

“Excuse me? I’ve been nothing but kind all morning and you can’t just ---”

Chloe scoffed dangerously.

“I can. I did. I don’t trust you, Vic. Rachel’s the only one in this fucking world who is both still alive and cares for me. I’m finding her as soon as I can. There’s nothing you can say or do to convince me otherwise.”

Victoria slowly realized there may have been some consequence for picking on Chloe for years and years and years and –

The anger left Chloe.

She slumped again, looked down to the floor.

She tried to calm her breathing with heavy breaths.

Her arms slowly uncrossed and just loosely swayed back and forth in front of her.

Quiet.

“Just leave. Leave me alone. Leave me forever. I won’t kill myself so long as I can make it to LA. You don’t have to keep worrying about that.”

Her voice was that barely-whispering desolate thing, again.

Still not fucking easy to listen to.

Victoria had a decision on her plate, and it was an impossibly difficult one.

“You promise?”

Chloe sighed wearily.

“Yeah. So long as she still might be out there … I have a reason to live. Better than anything you could ever give me.”

Victoria flinched, and raised a hand to rub at her temples.

Could she really help Chloe if she tried?

Nathan was hard enough.

This seemed like too much.

Chloe didn’t even trust her intentions were genuine – though not that she really had any reason to.

“Alright.”

Victoria’s voice, too, was so soft and fragile.

She kinda hated it.

“I’ll … stop being mean to you. I won’t say a word to you if you come to our parties. And …”

Victoria exhaled harshly,

“Nathan might have some money he can help you with. Or … god, maybe even Frank. I know he does short-term loans.”

Chloe sighed again.

Quiet.

Her hands clapped together lazily in front of herself, and she looked up.

“Thanks, Vic. I appreciate that, I think. And I …”

Chloe cut her sentence off abruptly, and her face went from drained to troubled an instant.

Victoria frowned.

“What?”

Chloe frowned, too, then shook her head and just turned around.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

Victoria could tell it was bullshit, but she also suspected she didn’t have the words to soothe Chloe’s damage.

Since when did she ever help anyone, anyway?

“Okay.”

So she went along with it.

After another agonizing delay, Victoria slowly turned around and started to walk away.

“Goodbye, Chloe.”

Chloe watched her go.

“Goodbye, Victoria.”

If Victoria thought about it, that might have been the only time Chloe used her real, full name.

She opened the door to Rachel’s room, but paused in leaving.

She looked back.

“I’ll always have infinite tenderness for you, though. Please don’t forget that.”

Chloe blinked –

Victoria sped out of the room, closed the door, stormed over to her room, closed her own door, leaned against the door, and painfully slid down to the floor.

She was blushing, of course, because not just fucking anyone gets cheesy movie quotes out of her but -

 

Just.

 

Fuck.

Did she do the right thing last night or this morning?

Did she not do enough?

If Chloe killed herself tomorrow, would her conscience be clear?

Or would she only do more harm if she tried harder?

If Chloe really did trust her, and Victoria turned out to be incapable of helping her?

No matter how hard she tried, Victoria was no Rachel.

No matter how hard she tried.

No matter how hard she tried.

No matter how hard she tried.

Victoria sniffled, and wiped a tear away from her face in a careful manner so as to disturb her makeup as minimally as possible.

 

Just.

 

Fuck.

 

\---

 

Chloe was fucking drunk.

It was Friday, she was walking back from a Vortex Club party and she –

She drunk too much.

Chloe didn’t know it was possible, but –

She could barely even fucking walk in a straight line.

This was bad.

Chloe made it maybe halfway to the girl’s door before she collapsed in some grass, somewhere.

 

She closed her eyes.

 

Sometime later, someone was helping Chloe up.

She groaned miserably.

“Whoossit… Rachel?”

Chloe was so dizzy at this point, she couldn’t even open her eyes and right her face to look at who was helping her.

She just blinked uselessly at the floor and did what she could to keep herself moving forward with the strength of the stranger.

“Yes. I’m here. I’m never leaving you.”

It was whispered in her ear so gently.

So softly.

Like an angel, coming to save her from the shit she managed to get herself into again.

Chloe smiled.

 

She closed her eyes.

 

\---

 

It was maybe five weeks later when Victoria entered the girl’s bathroom.

She just came from the main section of the party.

She heard rumors –

Someone was throwing up in one of the toilets here.

Victoria sighed wearily.

She crossed her arms and carefully walked over to one of the sinks.

She leaned against it.

And waited.

 

Sometime later, one of the stalls opened.

Victoria opened her eyes again and looked to whomever left.

Chloe.

Their eyes met and for just the briefest of seconds Victoria swore she saw a smile but –

Chloe frowned.

Victoria frowned.

Chloe then sighed severely, slumped her posture, and looked down to the floor.

She wordlessly walked to in front of Victoria.

Quiet.

Victoria sighed herself and pushed herself off of the sink.

She placed a hand on Chloe’s shoulder.

Quiet.

Chloe slowly looked up, and her face was so troubled, her eyes were wavering –

Victoria leaned forward.

Chloe leaned forward.

They kissed.

It was slow and gentle, and both of their mouths gaped stupidly after they separated.

Victoria slowly moved the hand down from her shoulder to grasp at her hand.

They interlocked their fingers and squeezed each other’s hand.

“You have a habit of showing up when I’m low.”

Victoria just smiled, barely.

Chloe did, too.

“Almost I like care, or something.”

Chloe’s smile died and she leaned forward to rest her forehead on Victoria’s again.

She squeezed Victoria’s hand.

“What is this? Between us? I can’t just … keep on …”

Victoria closed her eyes and breathed out slowly.

“I don’t know. Maybe I keep you from crashing too hard, maybe your hands …”

Victoria’s second hand found Chloe’s other, and she placed it on Victoria’s groin.

“… sometimes find their way in my pants.”

Chloe made a thoughtful sound, and rubbed meaningfully with the second hand.

Victoria blushed and brought both of her hands up to wrap them around Chloe’s neck.

“What if you’re gone tomorrow?”

Victoria kissed at Chloe’s lips again, and gently tugged at them as she broke away from the kiss.

“Then you hurt for a while and the world feels like shit, but … you eventually stop hurting. You’ll find someone else. The world will keep on turning.”

Chloe exhaled harshly.

“This is some very unsexy talk, Vic.”

Victoria practically purred.

“Then how about I say I’ve been thinking of you fingering me ever since …?”

Chloe scoffed, amused.

Her second hand moved up, skirting past Victoria’s skirt to rub suggestively at exposed inner-thighs.

“Such a fucking thirsty bitch.”

Victoria hummed pleasantly.

“But you know me so well …”

Victoria breathed in, suddenly, and gently pushed Chloe away.

Chloe blinked.

Victoria grinned.

“There’s … a comfier place we can be.”

Chloe blinked and slowly crossed her arms.

Victoria liked the little bit of blush on Chloe’s face.

She didn’t even want to think about what she looked like herself, now.

“Your room?”

Victoria shook her head and grinned wider.

“The VIP section.”

Chloe blinked only about a million times.

She looked incredulous.

“In front all of your friends? You’re still telling them you’re straight, though?”

Victoria just shrugged.

“Let them stare. I’m drunk. Shit happens.”

Victoria slowly walked towards the exit of the bathroom.

“Come on.”

Chloe exhaled harshly.

“Victoria.”

Victoria’s full name got her attention.

She blinked and carefully turned around, just shy of the door.

“What?”

Chloe was slumped, putting all of her weight on one side of her body, looking down at the floor.

She slowly looked up.

“I need a girlfriend. Not a fuck buddy. Either tell them … or …”

Victoria frowned.

Chloe frowned and looked back down.

She inelegantly shoved her hands into her jeans pockets and huffed harshly.

“Yeah that’s what I ---”

Victoria groaned.

Chloe went quiet.

Victoria raised one of her hands to rub at her temples.

Quiet.

“Look. This is … _difficult_ … for me. I don’t know what I am … anymore, but …”

Victoria hated not knowing exactly what to say.

But she honestly didn’t know what she could even say about her orientation, anymore.

Chloe ambled over to Victoria, but she still didn’t look up.

“I just don’t want to be alone, anymore, Vic. I can’t handle it. I never could and I probably never will. If you need time to work through it, okay, but …”

Chloe reached a hand forward.

Victoria thoughtlessly used her free hand to take it, and brought her other hand down to her side.

“Let’s do it together?”

Victoria breathed in.

Quiet.

Chloe looked up and her face was so –

Victoria leaned forward and kissed her again.

Forcefully.

Chloe pulled back, slightly, but Victoria just redoubled in pushing forward.

She squeezed Chloe’s hand.

Chloe eventually squeezed it back.

When they separated, their mouths were gaping again.

Chloe’s eyes were dancing.

Victoria’s eyes were dancing.

Chloe was blushing.

Victoria was blushing.

“Okay. Together.”

Chloe smiled and exhaled, amused and she down and she –

Victoria pulled away, exchanging hands so that she could tug Chloe out of the girl’s bathroom.

 

And lead her to somewhere more comfortable.

And public.

Let them stare.

 

Victoria knew Chloe probably never stopped thinking about Rachel.

She knew the sex probably wasn't comparable.

She knew she couldn't possibly be the support structure Chloe needed in her life.

But she could be something.

And if that something kept Chloe alive, it was worth anything in the world.

Chloe's fingers and tongue were a nice touch, too. 

And her smiles.

Victoria could look at her smile all day long and never tire of it.

It was nice to see it more often.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan and Victoria are on shaky grounds.
> 
> Chloe and Victoria bond a bit more.
> 
> In their own, difficult ways.
> 
> Chloe acts impulsively, emotionally, sentimentally. 
> 
> Nathan is annoyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content notice: Transphobia TW

Nathan stared at some idiots playing football.

Carefully, Victoria pulled up along side him.

He was sitting outside the steps of the dorm, on the steps, with his legs wide, and a can of beer in his hand.

Nathan drank a lot and didn’t seem to care who saw it, anymore.

Victoria kept her arms crossed, sighed pointedly, but Nathan kept staring at the game.

Victoria tapped her foot.

Eventually she groaned.

“Nathan.”

Nathan responded immediately.

“Vic.”

Victoria frowned.

“You knew I was there.”

Nathan just shrugged.

He looked sidelong to her with the faintest indications of a ghost of a smile, then took another sip of his beer.

“Maybe.”

Victoria sighed again, more weary this time, and raised a hand up to rub at her temples.

“I want to talk about Rachel.”

Nathan stiffened immediately.

Whatever smile on his face died aggressively.

Victoria’s words stabbed them to death.

“What about.”

Victoria’s frown deepened.

Then she slowly came to sit down next to Nathan.

He looked sidelong to her, again.

Victoria watched the idiot footballers with him and inched closer until she was basically adjacent.

“Did you two ever have sex?”

Nathan scoffed, but looked away.

“Of course.”

Victoria looked to him.

He was looking down at the floor, and couldn’t make eye contact.

She sighed again, and carefully moved a hand to rub at his shoulder.

He sighed, as well.

He looked back to her.

“No.”

Victoria bit her lip.

“Because of ---”

He grunted.

“--- The fuck do you think? Yes, of course.”

Nathan had spines, but Victoria knew they weren’t for skewering her.

They were for protecting himself.

Victoria pursed her lips, and went quiet for a while.

“Not all girls are going to care.”

He grunted, again.

He finished his can of beer and tossed it far away, into some grass somewhere.

“You did. Then you turned around and fucked Chloe. I got the message, lady.”

Victoria exhaled wearily again, and took her hand off of his shoulder.

He just grunted again.

Victoria slowly re-crossed her arms and went back to watching the football game.

There was silence between them, and it was awkward.

Victoria hated it.

She hated every second of knowing Nathan feeling more distant from her, especially when it was entirely her fault.

Eventually,

“Rachel was my best chance for finding someone who didn’t care.”

He still didn’t look at her.

She still didn’t look at him.

He spoke so quietly, though, so fragile.

He sniffed and shook his head.

“Just another reason I’m a freak.”

Victoria frowned.

“Nathan.”

Nathan shoved at her shoulder and stood up.

“Don’t you _Nathan_ me.”

He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, turned around, and quietly started to walk back to the dorm.

Before he could reach the door, but painfully long after he stood up,

“Nathan, wait. _Please_. I’m sorry. I don’t know … I don’t know anything about this stuff anymore. Chloe confused me as much as you did.”

Victoria didn’t look back at him, though.

Just down at the floor.

She could hear his foot steps pause.

Then he sighed.

“Except you still fucked her, and not me. I’m not going to forget that, Vic. At least Rachel never lied to me about what she was into.”

Victoria groaned painfully.

Nathan went into the dorms.

The door closing felt so much louder than it should have.

Victoria scooted over to one of the guard rails on the steps, and melted.

She crossed her legs, and rested her face on one of her hands, with the arm resting on one of her knees.

 

Just.

 

Fuck.

 

Maybe helping Chloe wasn’t such a good idea.

 

\---

 

Chloe knocked on Victoria’s door.

Victoria opened it after a few moments, but Chloe could tell immediately something wasn’t right.

Her arms were crossed, but her hands were up higher than usual on her arms, and she was looking to anywhere but to Chloe.

She wasn’t smiling.

Victoria spared Chloe only a few seconds of a look before sighing wearily and turning around.

She carefully plodded over to her bed and sat down on the edge, looking at her floor.

Chloe frowned.

She entered Victoria’s room and closed the door behind her.

“You look like shit.”

Victoria huffed.

“That makes me feel _so_ much better, thanks.”

Chloe looked away and awkwardly rubbed at the back of her neck.

Quiet.

“I didn’t mean ---”

Victoria exhaled harshly.

She slumped a little bit, on her bed.

“—I know, Chloe.”

Quiet.

Chloe still wasn’t sure if she found silence around Victoria uncomfortable or not.

Either way, she hooked her thumbs on her jeans pockets and strolled over to sit down next to Victoria on the bed.

Victoria grunted.

“What crawled up your ass and died?”

Victoria closed her eyes, and breathed in deeply.

She slowly lowered her hands to cross her arms in the more typical power posture she had.

“Other than my fingers, I mean.”

Chloe couldn’t help but grin a little bit at this.

Victoria just sputtered and inelegant scoff and blushed barely.

“You haven’t even done that.”

Chloe nodded, and laid back on Victoria’s bed to stare at her ceiling, with her hands behind her head.

“Made you think about it though, and blush cutely like that.”

Victoria huffed again.

Chloe liked it when Victoria got all huffy and embarrassed.

“A-anyway,”

Especially when she got to Victoria enough to even get a little stammer out of her.

“Nathan isn’t talking to me anymore.”

Chloe grunted.

“Who cares. He’s an asshole.”

Victoria sighed wearily, and looked back to Chloe.

Chloe looked to Victoria, in response.

Victoria’s expression was thoughtful.

She slowly uncrossed her arms to place her palms at the edge of the bed.

“So are you.”

Chloe frowned, and opened her mouth, but didn’t really have a response ready.

Victoria just smiled dangerously.

After an amused chuckle, Victoria slowly looked back forward, to one of her walls.

“No, though … I like being around assholes, Chloe. It means something more when they’re nice to you, instead.”

Chloe just continued to frown, and slowly brought her hands down to cross them.

She still looked to Victoria, though she was staring at the back of her head more than anything, now.

“If you care, why’s he upset, then?”

Victoria looked back, and smiled sweetly again.

“Because I fucked you.”

Chloe blinked a few dozen times, and gaped her mouth stupidly.

Victoria chuckled deeply at the reaction, and looked back forward.

Chloe grumbled and sat herself back up, mirroring Victoria’s posture with her palms on the edge of the bed.

She inched a bit closer, though, and exhaled pointedly on Victoria’s cheek.

“It’s not because I’m a woman … ?”

Victoria didn’t look to Chloe, even if she was _right_ there and so close –

She just shook her head, slightly, but then nodded, but then –

She groaned, looked down to the floor, and raised a hand to her temples.

“Kinda. It’s … a really long and private story. I don’t know if I can tell you, he’s …”

Victoria breathed in deeply and then let the exhale slowly.

“I couldn’t live with myself if I gossiped about him and it got out.”

Chloe frowned herself, and leaned away until she was sitting upright, again.

“Funny time to grow a conscience about that.”

Victoria groaned and blindly shoved at Chloe’s shoulder.

Chloe just smiled, barely.

“Yes yes, I’m a bitch, I got it, _thanks_. This is different.”

Victoria lowered both of her hands back to the edge of the bed and exhaled calmly.

She looked up to her wall, again.

Chloe was quiet, for a little while.

“You don’t trust me.”

Victoria just shrugged.

“Something like that. You don’t trust me, either.”

Chloe went quiet.

Victoria sighed, and slowly looked to Chloe.

Chloe was rubbing at her arm, and looking at the floor, miserably.

“I don’t _want_ to not trust people, Vic … just …”

Victoria slowly stood up, and walked over to be in front of Chloe.

She placed both of her hands very purposefully on Chloe’s boobs, but then rode them up to her collar bones and neck, before eventually to her jawline.

She guided Chloe’s face back up into looking at her.

Chloe closed her eyes.

Victoria grunted, and leaned in.

They kissed gently, but briefly.

Afterwards, Victoria stood up straight, and re-crossed her arms.

She kinda hated how she never stopped blushing after she kissed Chloe, even though it’d been at least two months since that night.

Chloe opened her eyes, and sighed herself.

She had her mouth gaping like an idiot fish for a few seconds after the kiss, but eventually regained the presence of mind to close it.

“Everyone I’ve trusted has abused it.”

Victoria nodded without hesitation.

“People are terrible, manipulative assholes. Give someone an inch and they’ll take a mile.”

Chloe’s expression cracked a bit, and she looked back down.

“Yeah …”

Victoria sighed again.

“I wasn’t done.”

Chloe blinked a few times, and looked up.

“What?”

Victoria huffed.

“I _said_ I wasn’t done. Clean out your damn ears.”

Chloe rolled her eyes.

“You and your ear-cleaning fetish.”

Victoria huffed _again._

“Stop being terrible for five seconds, Jesus.”

Her tone and her words were kinda annoyed, but Victoria finally figured out what about Chloe got under her skin so easily, before.

Chloe could always so easily see right through her, and know when to ignore her protesting or bitching.

And see what she really meant, when she acted like she did.

Chloe just gently raised her hands up by her chest with her palms exposed in surrender, before smiling and placing them back down on the edge of the bed.

“Okay.”

Victoria closed her eyes and went quiet for a few seconds to regain her composure because _seriously_ \---

“Anyway. People are terrible and awful and this world is full of selfish assholes yadda yadda – but – “

Victoria breathed in deeply, before exhaling it harshly,

“— Sometimes people are illogical, emotional, or sentimental. And that’s when they get close to someone else, and that’s when it’s fine to trust them, since emotions will make it hard to abuse that trust.”

Victoria went quiet.

Chloe raised an eyebrow.

“That your big speech?”

Victoria just nodded pleasantly.

Chloe rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help to smile gently.

“You are a true luminary. Should be a motivational speaker, or something.”

 Victoria huffed and sat down next to Chloe again.

“It’s the truth, though.”

Chloe went quiet in consideration, letting her snark take a back seat for a few seconds.

She slowly looked to Victoria.

Victoria slowly looked to her.

“Do you really think like that? All relationships are just illogical and emotional? And then we only keep them for sentimental reasons?”

Victoria shrugged.

“Something like that. I’m very romantic, I know.”

Chloe chuckled, a little bit, and gently shook her head.

“And I thought I was a downer.”

Chloe clapped her hands together in front of her.

“Okay, um. I never really thought about my life philosophy like that, but …”

Victoria groaned.

“I didn’t ask for your perspective.”

Chloe just nodded.

“You’re getting it anyway, though, and sitting there like a good girl if you want to be eaten out later.”

Victoria huffed, but sat there quietly like a good girl that wanted her girlfriend to eat her out later.

“I don’t know. I like to think there’s some good in the world.”

Chloe looked off to one of Victoria’s walls.

“I like to think Rachel helped me out of the goodness of her heart. I like to think you did, too.”

Chloe slowly looked back to Victoria.

“Did you?”

Victoria frowned.

“I …”

Victoria closed her eyes, and exhaled miserably.

She slumped a little bit, and looked down.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I didn’t want to think about you being suicidal.”

She looked back up, and her face was troubled, maybe even concerned.

Chloe nodded at this, and just smiled, barely.

“Because you cared, on some level. You wanted me around.”

Victoria groaned.

“Let’s not push it.”

Chloe just smiled, obnoxiously.

Eventually, Victoria leaned over to give a quick peck on Chloe’s cheek.

She then frowned, and pointedly ignored whatever expression was on Chloe’s face after the tacit agreement, before looking to her wall.

“So if you think I’m not doing this for selfish reasons, why not trust I want to be around you?”

Chloe sighed.

“I thought it was selfish at first. It was sex, after all … but you kept showing up when I needed someone, and it was hardly accidental.”

Victoria kept her frown.

“And now I just … I don’t understand it. What do you see in me? What does anyone see in me? What the hell did Rachel see in me? I’m just some … stoner, skater idiot. I’m too stupid to even pass high school.”

Victoria scoffed.

“You are definitely all of those things. Cute, but, all of those things, too. But as I was saying, relationships aren’t logical. They’re emotional and sentimental. I have emotions and sentiments for you. So there. You being terrible and awful for me doesn’t factor into it at all.”

Victoria couldn’t help her blush, though looked even further away, down to the floor on the other side of her room, to try and stow it away from Chloe.

Chloe exhaled, amused.

“I guess that’s the best I’m going to get out of you.”

It was weirdly comforting, in a very Victoria way.

Maybe there wasn’t any logical reason _to_ be attracted to someone like Chloe.

Maybe there wasn’t any logical reason for her to be attracted to Victoria, either.

There was stillness in the room, a desperate quietness, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.

In fact, Chloe slumped back onto Victoria’s bed, seemingly more relaxed.

After stewing in it for a few seconds, Victoria herself mirrored the move, with the blush now successfully purged from her cheeks.

Chloe spoke first, but her voice was quiet.

They were both staring at her ceiling.

“So why don’t you want to tell me about Nathan?”

Victoria sighed wearily.

“I told you. He swore me to secrecy on this, I can’t just tell anyone about it.”

Chloe thought about it for a few seconds, and turned over so she was laying on her side.

Victoria looked sidelong to her.

“I won’t tell anyone. I don’t even have anyone I can tell but you, anyway. Rachel was my only real friend.”

Victoria hummed thoughtfully, and looked to the ceiling again.

“How sad.”

Chloe slumped forward a bit, and exhaled pointedly at Victoria’s neck.

She whispered dangerously into Victoria’s ear.

“Is it sad if it means I got you, now?”

Victoria exhaled uneasily, and Chloe did quite dearly enjoy how much of an effect she could have on this girl.

It was nothing like being around Rachel.

It was impossible to impact Rachel, especially to make her blush or shiver.

“But … in all seriousness, I don’t …”

Victoria huffed, and closed her eyes.

She crossed her arms tightly.

Chloe brought one of her hands to Victoria’s belly to lazily run her fingers along her crossed arms.

“I don’t want to get too attached. It’s nice to keep people with some distance.”

Chloe grunted, and she could feel Victoria tense up slightly.

“Do you let everyone who you want to keep at some distance scream into your pussy until you blubber out an orgasm?”

Victoria groaned, and broke apart her arms to raise a hand to rub at her temples.

After a few moments of hesitation, she just sighed.

“No.”

Her other hand that wasn’t comforting herself found Chloe’s, and their fingers interlocked.

She squeezed.

Chloe squeezed right back.

“Fine. He’s not talking to me, anyway. I doubt it could get any worse.”

Victoria breathed in deeply.

She hesitated for an outrageously long time.

“Nathan is trans. When I first met him, I was … very confused, because back then, she was …”

Chloe blinked only about a million times and was so surprised at the news she missed the very obvious opportunity to poke playfully at Victoria.

“… she was nice. Perfect student. I really liked the way she did her hair, and she … she always smiled so warmly when I looked at her.”

Chloe slowly regained her composure, but _still_.

Wow.

“Sounds like you had a crush.”

Victoria exhaled again, slumped more into the bed, and rubbed more vigorously at her temples. 

Chloe squeezed her hand.

She squeezed back.

“Something like that, I guess. But I … I couldn’t be gay. I can’t be gay. I’m not gay. It’s just, she was cute. You’re cute. I can’t help it when girls are cute – _anyway_.”

Victoria huffed indignantly, and Chloe kept her strategic patience with Victoria’s very flimsy denials,

“I think she always knew I liked her, and started coming onto me. I didn’t reject all of them. We almost had sex, but … I pushed her away at the last moment. I told her I was confused. I didn’t know what I want. I didn’t think I liked women. I just … I didn’t know. I couldn’t be doing this.”

Chloe went quiet, somewhat out of respect to let Victoria finish her story, somewhat because her mind was fitting the pieces together why Nathan was upset at her now.

“But I still cared very deeply for her. She still cared for me. She understood. We remained close. She came out to me first, and I did everything I could to make sure people treated him like a man when he started to transition. Now … so many years later … you can’t even tell. And anyone who still remembers doesn’t fucking dare bring it up, because they know we’ll crush them.”

Chloe gently kissed at Victoria’s cheek.

It felt nice to hear her share all of this, especially if it made her feel any better, but Chloe just honestly didn’t even begin to know what to say to all of this.

Maybe there wasn’t anything _to_ say.

“Why weren’t you like that with me?”

Victoria groaned.

“Because I was fucking drunk and you fucking guilt-tripped me.”

Chloe flinched.

Victoria flinched.

They both frowned.

Victoria brought the hand that was up by her temples down, and opened her eyes to look away.

She turned on her side.

Chloe scooted forward until they were spooning.

“No, I mean … I don’t mean that … I don’t know. I didn’t know then. I don’t know why now. But that’s why he’s upset with me now. Even after he transitioned… I just … I just couldn’t, and …”

She sniffled.

“I think I hurt him for real, now. He thinks I just lied to him and led him on all of this time.”

Chloe sighed and closed her eyes.

She broke her hand away from Victoria’s hand to rub at her belly, but spared little time in snaking it under the fabric of her shirt to rub at her skin directly instead of through the fabric of her clothes.

Quiet.

Victoria needed a moment to just have a little cry.

Chloe knew by now that she hated talking when she was sniffle-y and crying, and she could give her this time.

Her belly was fun to rub, anyway.

“Guess shit’ll get better or something. I dunno.”

Victoria exhaled, amused.

Her voice still had a small amount of waver from her tears, but.

It sounded okay.

“You’re so comforting.”

Chloe smiled, and kissed at one of Victoria’s ears.

“So are you.”

Victoria exhaled pleasantly and melted more into Chloe and the bed.

“Yeah …”

For a while, they didn’t need words.

They just relaxed.

 

But, eventually,

“Was he was always such an asshole? Like … I wasn’t like this when I was young.”

Victoria just hummed barely, still quite relaxed from their silent period.

“He got worse after his dad figured out he was going to transition. I think he only got the medication he did because the therapist recommended it and his dad is _fucking happy_ to throw more medication at him without even bothering to look at what it is.”

Chloe blinked.

Victoria sighed.

“His dad is even worse than mine.”

Chloe hummed thoughtfully.

“What’s your dad like, then?”

Victoria just grunted, and turned around from the spooning position to face Chloe.

Chloe just blinked.

Victoria slowly rode up one of her hands from Chloe’s sides to her cheek, and just pleasantly traced her fingers – and her goddamn nails – along that cheek.

Victoria looked at random features on Chloe without keeping any eye contact.

“I’ve said enough about me for now, I think. What about you? Did you like anyone before Rachel?”

Victoria’s voice was so gentle now.

Chloe might have even called it affectionate.

She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly, pleasantly at the affection.

“I had a few boyfriends. I had a childhood crush on this girl. Nothing serious either way.”

Victoria hummed flatly.

“Nathan was my childhood crush. Didn’t turn out to just be ‘nothing serious’.”

Chloe exhaled, amused.

“Are you trying to hook me up with people who are long out of my life?”

Like Victoria, Chloe’s voice was so gentle and soft right now, neither caring to exert too much effort with how relaxed they were.

“Well, how young are we talking?”

Chloe inhaled deeply and exhaled carefully.

“I lost contact with her 5 years ago. We were inseparable for our entire childhood before that.”

Chloe could feel the expression on Victoria’s face shift to something thoughtful even without seeing it.

“You lost contact? Like … what? Fucking aliens abducted her?”

Chloe laughed, barely, and it felt so good to laugh.

“I wish. No. My dad died and then she moved away with her family. Just kinda left me like that.”

Victoria went quiet.

Chloe hummed flatly, after some delay.

“I don’t really think I want to see her anymore. What kind of person do you have to be to just do that to someone?”

Victoria shrugged, moving her fingers down to play with Chloe’s neck instead.

“Friends aren’t always forever. Maybe it’s just best to appreciate her for what she was and not resent who she might have been.”

Chloe grumbled, and sighed wearily at this.

“You sound like Rachel.”

Victoria snaked a hand up to flick Chloe’s nose.

Chloe flinched and grunted, raising a hand up to rub at said nose.

She opened her eyes.

“Hey!”

Victoria blew an exhale in her face in response.

“’Hey’ yourself. Don’t compare me to Rachel.”

Chloe frowned, a little bit.

“Rachel never flicked me on the nose.”

Victoria frowned and huffed.

She pulled away from the spooning and sat up on the edge of the bed, again.

“Oh yeah? Well I didn’t leave you all alone, like she did.”

Chloe flinched.

Ow.

Chloe just went quiet at this, not escalating it any further, since the reminder sapped a lot of her will to live out of her.

Victoria noticed.

She hesitated, sighed, and slowly worked her way back down into a laying position in front of Chloe, and wormed her way back into her arms.

Chloe looked away, or at least her eyes did.

Victoria kissed her, briefly but warmly and meaningfully, on the lips.

She then pulled away enough to cross her arms.

“Look. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Chloe slowly looked back to Victoria.

“No. You shouldn’t have.”

Victoria flinched, and looked down.

Chloe wordlessly separated herself from Victoria, and sat up on the edge of the bed, again.

“Where’s Nathan?”

Victoria grunted flatly.

“Probably in his dorm. He was only ever in my dorm or his. … and he’s obviously not here.”

Chloe got up and shoved her hands into her jacket pockets.

“’Kay.”

She started to walk towards the exit of Victoria’s room.

Victoria blinked.

“Hey wait. I know you’re mad at me or whatever but like – don’t go take it out on him.”

Chloe just hesitated.

She looked back and sighed.

“If he’s upset about me, then only me talking to him will help.”

Victoria pursed her lips.

In the intervening moments she’d come to sit up on the bed.

Victoria slowly looked down to the floor.

“I don’t think he likes you very much, anymore. I wouldn’t recommend talking to him.”

Chloe just shrugged.

“No one likes me very much anymore. Hasn’t stopped me before.”

Victoria groaned.

“Fine, whatever, fuck. Just fuck up my life, why don’t you. I don’t need my best friend anymore, anyway.”

Chloe grunted herself.

“Don’t mind if I do. Text me when you’re feeling less bitchy.”

Victoria went quiet.

Chloe went quiet.

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

 

\---

 

Chloe fucking knocked on fucking Nathan fucking Prescott’s dorm door.

Because she was a good fucking girlfriend goddamn it.

She heard a groaning from the other side of the door.

“Told you to buzz off, Vic.”

Chloe banged on the door.

“Not Vic, dude. It’s the girl she’s banging.”

 _Perhaps_ Chloe should have been a _bit_ more diplomatic, but.

She kinda didn’t like Nathan.

The door opened almost immediately.

Nathan was there.

Nathan was about the same as Chloe’s height, and probably about her weight, if she had to guess.

Maybe a bit heavier.

She knew he intimidated most other people, but not her.

She could punch him out, if she really wanted to.

She crossed her arms.

He grinned, stupidly.

“You have _got_ to be shitting me. What the fuck do you think you’re doing here? You lost, lady? Vic’s over there. The fuck away from me.”

Nathan just about giggled during ‘what the fuck’.

Chloe remained resolute.

“You know why I’m here. You’re making her feel like shit.”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes.

Nathan crossed his own arms and leaned to the side to rest against his door’s frame.

“Good. She deserves it. Bitch lied --- to my --- _face._ ”

He broke away one of his hands to point at his face and really leaned in on the emphasis at the end of his sentence.

Chloe reached a hand forward and shoved at his shoulder.

He just grunted.

“I know. She told me everything, so we both know how fucking unreasonable you’re being.”

“I ---”

Nathan started, but whatever he was saying died off when his mind fully caught up with what Chloe was saying.

“She did what? Told you _everything_?”

Chloe leaned in a bit and meaningfully looked down to his groin.

She held it just long enough to make sure his eyes could follow.

“ _Everything._ ”

She looked up to him.

His face pitched up in disgust, and he shoved past her to briefly make sure no one else was in the hall way.

“Shut the fuck up and come in.”

Certified that the coast was clear, Nathan sulked into his room and Chloe followed him in.

She closed his door, but stayed close to it.

She didn’t quite trust Nathan, especially not after what Victoria told her.

Nathan quietly sulked over to the opposite side of the room and leaned against his desk.

He crossed his arms and looked down to the floor, before slowly up to her.

“The fuck do you want. Money? Drugs?”

His voice sounded different, now, a little detached.

This was transactional to him, Chloe eventually realized.

She shook her head.

“I want you to stop making Victoria feel like shit.”

He scoffed.

“No, really. What do you want?”

Chloe rolled her eyes.

“Yes, really, dude. I want that.”

He went quiet in consideration, and carefully looked down.

“No one knows what it’s fucking like, you know. Rachel and Victoria were the only good things in my life, and you ruined both of them for me.”

Chloe flinched, a little bit.

The way he was talking sounded vaguely familiar.

She then just sighed wearily.

“No one could help with what Rachel does. You know that as well as I do.”

Chloe looked down, before back up to him.

“And you had sex with her, too. I don’t know what all she told you, but … Vic says it was probably the same things she told me.”

Nathan grumbled miserably, still looking down.

He decided not to contradict Chloe on that, since it was better for his image, anyway.

“And I don’t _want_ to ruin Victoria for you, asshole. This is all on you.”

Nathan shot his look up and glared at Chloe.

He uncrossed his arms, shoved off from his table, and started to pace around from side to side on the far side of his room.

“All I did was trust her, and all she did was abuse that trust.”

Nathan didn’t sound as angry as she was expecting, just.

Exhausted.

It was vaguely familiar, again.

“She can’t help who she’s attracted to, dude.”

He just about snarled at this, and snapped to looking at Chloe.

“Bitch told me she was straight. Straight girls don’t fuck women.”

He held the glare for a few seconds, then slowly, miserably looked down.

“No matter how much they like them.”

Chloe almost felt pity for Nathan, but.

That wasn’t the point of coming here.

She had to focus.

Even if the little waver in his voice was unmistakable and breathtaking.

Chloe breathed in deeply.

“And as far as she is concerned, she still is. She will literally tell me how straight she is after staring at my boobs or whatever.”

Nathan flinched at this, and looked up.

There was always a looseness to how he moved, like no part of his body could ever be fully rigid.

“That’s bullshit.”

Chloe nodded.

“It is, but it’s her bullshit, and fuck if I don’t relate to it.”

Chloe sighed wearily, uncrossing her arms for the first time since she got into his room, and closing her eyes for a few moments.

“I think I was telling myself what I felt for Rachel wasn’t romantic even after kissing her. It’s just … easier, that way, sometimes.”

Chloe looked away, to some of the framed pictures and posters on Nathan’s wall, before back to him.

His expression was still sour, but it kind of always was.

“So she’ll work through it as she can and as she’s ready to.”

Chloe thought about it for a few seconds while Nathan considered her words.

“Don’t you think she deserves some of your support after all of what she did for you?”

Nathan growled, and turned, and raised his hands up to grasp at his hair and he –

He sighed in pained, exaggerated exasperation, and turned to face Chloe.

He was a bit closer, now, about halfway through the room.

“Maybe. _Whateverthefuck_. I don’t know.”

Quiet.

Nathan then just sighed, and sat down on the edge of his bed.

“Just. Leave. Go. You win. I won’t shut her out. I don’t want her out of my life, anyway …”

He stared into the nothingness that was all around him, despite his room being filled with things.

Chloe recognized it immediately.

And she had a difficult decision on her plate.

Fuck it.

“Nathan …”

He painfully ratcheted his head to looking at Chloe, like some kind of machine thirsty for oil.

“What.”

His expression was almost pained, but still sour.

“I know … it’s hard. When it seems like everyone you talk to just wants to fuck you over and doesn’t really care.”

Nathan’s face cycled through a few expressions, before he sighed wearily and looked off to the nothingness again.

“Yeah.”

Chloe re-crossed her arms.

“I think Victoria is different. She’s not …”

Chloe sighed and rolled her eyes,

“She’s not perfect, but. She’s at least trying.”

Nathan looked down, and went quiet for a long while.

Quiet.

“Yeah.”

His voice sounded chapped, like it hadn’t been watered in years.

Chloe rolled her shoulders.

“Anyway. Just wanted you to have that thought. Goodbye, Nathan.”

Nathan grunted.

Chloe turned to open his door –

“Hey, wait, …”

Chloe blinked, and slowly turned to face him.

“What are you even getting out of this? Is she going to give you amazing sex, or something?”

Chloe exhaled, amused.

“Victoria is a pillow princess and is afraid of my pussy. No. That’s not what this is about.”

Nathan frowned, but still didn’t look to her.

“Then what?”

Chloe just shrugged.

“Don’t really have an amazingly convincing reason off of the top of my head. I guess it’s just emotional and sentimental. I like Victoria and don’t want to see her upset like this.”

It was Nathan’s turn to scoff and roll his eyes.

“Jesus Christ. It’s only been like a week and you’re already talking like her.”

Chloe just smiled.

 

Chloe left his room, shortly after that.

She wasn’t sure if Nathan hated her any less after all of that, but.

Victoria sent her a text sometime later, all but demanding she come to her room.

Chloe obliged her.

Victoria _was_ a pillow princess, but.

She had to do _something_ special to show Chloe just how much she appreciated what she did.

Even if it became that much harder to convince herself this wasn’t romantic.

And she wasn’t a lesbian.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victoria and Chloe get more comfortable with each other.
> 
> David is an asshole.
> 
> Victoria remembers something she can't forget.
> 
> Chloe smashes.
> 
> Victoria smashes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content notice: Parental Abuse

As the days ticked by, Chloe spent more time in Victoria’s room.

Victoria, however, never spent any time in Chloe’s room.

She had lots of reasons for doing so – Chloe didn’t really want her there because of her step-father, who Victoria understood to be a massive over-controlling asshole.

But someone she played nice with, anyway, because he was also an authority figure at the school, and she couldn’t very well afford for him to be upset at her.

Victoria also knew the room would just be a disaster and all messy, and probably smell so thickly of pot she wouldn’t even be able to breathe or open her eyes.

But.

She really ought to visit it _some_ time, right?

Right.

 

The next time Chloe barged into her room and collapsed on her bed – she never knocked anymore – Victoria sighed a little, stood up from her computer chair, and walked over to her bed to sit down on the edge.

Chloe lazily curled herself somewhat around Victoria’s sitting posture, and it was a pretty weird way to cuddle, but Chloe was a pretty weird person.

Victoria uncrossed her arms and brought one of her hands down to play with Chloe’s hair.

It was just … nice.

Chloe needed the attention, and if Victoria was being honest with herself, she needed it, too.

But she wasn’t, so she didn’t.

Either way, Chloe sighed contently as her hair was pet and closed her eyes, melting into the bed.

“I want to see your room.”

Chloe grunted flatly.

“Nah. You’d hate it.”

Victoria rolled her eyes.

“As though I don’t _know_ that. I don’t care. I want to see it anyway.”

Chloe just smirked a little bit, uncurling from her position around Victoria and sitting up.

She inched around until she was behind Victoria, and kind of collapsed onto Victoria’s back, plainly draping her arms down Victoria’s shoulders and breathing into her hair.

Victoria grunted and crossed her arms again.

“Is this your way of saying you want to be in my bed, Chase?”

Victoria still blushed, but thankfully Chloe’s position kept that hidden.

“I just … want to see how you live.”

Chloe made a thoughtful sound.

“And be in my bed.”

Chloe’s weight on her was kind of whatever – Victoria had long learned that if Chloe wanted to touch her, she was damn well going to, and it was almost pointless to object, since Chloe was stubborn.

It was kind of nice to have her warmth all around her like this, too.

And her smell.

Even if it was a little funky, since hygiene wasn’t Chloe’s strong suit.

Victoria scoffed and rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

“Sure. But only if you serenade me first.”

Chloe brought her voice down low and seductive, moving her face to whisper more into Victoria’s ear.

“Does singing Botticelli into your pussy count?”

Victoria blushed some more, but still didn’t make any movements to shove Chloe away or anything.

“You _idiot_. Botticelli is a painter, not a singer.”

Chloe just chuckled.

“I knew that. I was just checking to see if _you_ knew that.”

Victoria rolled her eyes, and moved to stand up, but Chloe crossed her arms over Victoria’s chest and held her to the bed with a desperate whine.

“Noooooo. I don’t wanna get up.”

Victoria sighed, and ducked down to slide off of the bed instead of trying to stand up.

It was much less dignified, but it was hard to be dignified around Chloe, sometimes.

Victoria managed out of her grasp this way, and after turning up and dusting herself off to the absolutely zero dust that could have befallen her in her brief trip to the floor, she turned to face Chloe on the bed and crossed her arms.

“You never want to get up. No news there. Come on. Drive us to your place. I’m tired of driving us everywhere.”

Chloe was obviously pouting on her knees on the bed, but got a dangerous playful flash of her eyes at seeing the blush on Victoria’s face.

Unfortunately.

She grinned.

“Thinking about sexing me up, Vicky?”

Victoria closed her eyes and just shook her head.

“I swear to _God_ , Chloe. You’re so gross. I’m leaving.”

Chloe frowned, but that only meant so much since Chloe wore her emotions on her sleeve.

As announced, Victoria turned on her heel and walked out of her room.

Chloe groaned and complained and huffed and puffed, but ultimately she got her lazy ass out of Victoria’s bed and followed after her.

She locked Victoria’s room with the key she had since she knew she’d get her ass chewed out for not doing that later and caught up to Victoria with a small sprint.

They talked as they made their way to the parking lot.

“So we haven’t talked about Nathan in a while.”

Victoria just shrugged.

“Not too much to say. We’re rebonding, slowly, carefully.”

Chloe shoved her hands into her pockets.

Whenever Victoria said ‘not too much to say’ she always replaced it with ‘I don’t want to say too much’.

It’d been a while.

Surely some shit had gone down by now.

“Sure about that Vicky? Y’all were so close before.”

Small scoff.

“Victoria. My name is Victoria. And yes, I’m perfectly aware. It’s just …”

She frowned a little.

Chloe noticed.

“… I don’t want to talk about it here.”

Chloe shrugged.

These weren’t the most private of hallways, but, whatever.

Victoria acted differently in public – a lot stiffer, and somehow even more closed-off and standoffish.

Chloe acted basically the same everywhere so she didn’t really understand it, but, whatever.

Lots of things to not understand about Victoria.

“’kay.”

 

That was the end of the conversation until they were in Chloe’s truck.

Victoria sat down in the passenger seat but closed herself off physically in a very obvious way – tightly hugging at herself, scrunching towards the door.

Chloe sighed.

Before starting the truck, she yanked an arm over to grasp at Victoria’s shoulder and tug her into her side.

“The fuck ---”

Victoria yelped, but just sighed painfully when she realized what Chloe was doing and allowed herself to be tugged into her girlfriend’s side.

“You know, there’s these funny things called _words_.”

Chloe just grinned like the massively annoying idiot she was.

“Then I wouldn’t get these cute sounds out of you.”

Victoria rolled her eyes, but then just closed them and snuggled more into Chloe’s side.

It was comforting, even if Chloe was stupid and smelly and obnoxious sometimes.

“So. Nate.”

Chloe put the car into gear and started to drive off to her place, but spared glances to her girlfriend every so often to make sure she didn’t get too obviously disturbed.

“It hurts …”

Victoria started, slowly.

Chloe blinked.

“It hurts?”

Victoria nodded barely.

“We’re farther apart and it’s all my fault. It hurts so much knowing that. Knowing that he can’t trust me anymore. Just … ugh.”

Chloe let her vent.

Not like she knew what to say, anyway, and she was kind of busy driving and shifting and everything.

Shifting was an interesting experience with a girlfriend buried into your side and venting about her troubles, but, whatever.

Victoria continued on.

“Even now, when I ask him what’s up or what’s going on, I just get this ‘fine’, or ‘okay’ or … whatever. He doesn’t real talk to me anymore. Just this facile shit. I hate it.”

Chloe thought it was better now that they could at least talk, but wondered what it’d be like if she could talk, but not … _really_ talk with someone she was close to.

Fuck, what if Max or Rachel acted like that?

That might tear Chloe apart.

Bad thoughts.

Chloe shook her head.

“That sounds awful.”

Victoria sighed.

“Yeah.”

It came out as a sigh.

“I don’t really see it getting better, either. I’ve already apologized a million times, but … he just doesn’t want to hear it.”

Chloe frowned a little.

“Well it’s not like you can help who you’re attracted to.”

Victoria hesitated, and then groaned.

“I fucking told him if I was even _slightly_ curious about … y’know … he’d be the first. Like … an experiment, or something.”

Chloe frowned a bit more deeply.

Whoops.

She looked to Victoria briefly to make sure her frustrated sounds weren’t deep and just her usual bitchiness before looking back to the road.

“You’ve never even been _slightly_ curious, then?”

Victoria went quiet for a while, groaned even more loudly, and shook her head.

“No. Yes. No. I don’t know. I’ve … thought about women, but …”

Chloe hummed thoughtfully.

“Ever touch yourself to one?”

Victoria sputtered an inelegant scoffing sound and raised a hand up to gently and playfully bat at Chloe’s cheek.

“One. _Gross_. Two. _No_.”

Chloe just rolled her eyes at this, not feeling the little bat all that much and not able to afford being distracted by it anyway.

This felt like how the conversation always went.

“… what about you?”

Chloe blinked.

This was different from how the conversation always went.

She didn’t have to think too hard about this.

“Oh, yeah. All of the time. Uh. There was this period where I thought Pris was the hottest woman on the planet. Her hair was so cool.”

Victoria melted more into Chloe thinking about her response.

“Did you know you were … y’know … then?”

Chloe shrugged.

“Uhhhhhh … no. Didn’t know for sure until I met Rachel. But even then …  it took her fucking making out me before I was really accepting it.”

Victoria made a thoughtful sound.

Chloe liked sharing this kind of stuff with Victoria.

Felt like it might help her through this, somehow, someway.

“So … not everyone knows from birth.”

Chloe scoffed.

“Who knows. I didn’t. Steph said she knew pretty early on, but … her family’s really cool about it. Mine’s a bit … more difficult.”

Victoria sighed wearily.

“Yeah …”

Victoria had this weird, fragile twinge to her voice that made Chloe want to hold her hand, but she kind of couldn’t right now, because both of her hands were pretty well occupied driving.

Frustrating kind of thing.

“But it’s like whatever. Screw them. I don’t need stepshit’s blessing to fuck women.”

Chloe spared another look to Victoria, whose face was so scrunched up in a mixture of pain and thought.

Chloe just _had_ to lean over a bit to kiss at her forehead, and earn another cute little surprised sound from Victoria for it as her eyes blinked open.

“The road, you _buffoon_.”

Chloe just grinned and looked back to the road, only having to slightly swerve to get them back into their lane.

Victoria grumbled indignantly.

“You don’t need your parent’s blessing for this shit either. Fuck ‘em.”

Victoria exhaled uneasily.

“It’s not that easy, Chloe …”

Chloe frowned.

“Why not?”

Victoria sighed.

“It just isn’t. Not everyone can afford to be some … punk. I have a …”

Victoria suddenly cut herself out and bit her lip.

Chloe grumbled.

“Yeah yeah yeah. You have a future and money and whatever. I’m wasted burn out idiot punk with none of that. I got it.”

Victoria groaned.

She hated it when Chloe talked about herself like that.

Even if it was kinda true.

It didn’t _have_ to be.

“I didn’t mean that, Chloe … just, I need my father’s approval. It’s not an option.”

Chloe sighed.

“Guess I just don’t understand that, then. I don’t care what step-idiot or my mom thinks.”

Victoria nodded.

“And that’s … really …”

She frowned, and bit her lip and hesitated.

Chloe just grinned.

“Hot. You were going to say hot.”

Victoria groaned painfully and closed her eyes, hesitating for a few more seconds.

“Whatever, Price.”

Victoria’s life would be so much easier if she could just forget about her family.

About her father’s expectations.

But she couldn’t be like Chloe.

She wanted to have a certain future with clear, obvious goals.

Throwing that all away for some vague, uncertain future … where she might struggle just to get by …

No. That couldn’t do. That wouldn’t do.

She was a Chase.

For all the good, and bad, that implied.

 

The two were quiet for the short remaining ride to Chloe’s place.

Some tiny little quaint house thing.

Inside smelled like broken dreams, broken promises, and … pleasant home-cooked food.

Maybe Victoria was just projecting a bit.

The bit of the house that wasn’t Chloe’s domain was clean-enough, at least.

Not that that was all that surprising.

Chloe’s mother probably wouldn’t have it any other way.

Upstairs, in Chloe’s room, Victoria hesitated whence she got past the door.

More like froze in her fucking tracks.

This place was an unmitigated mess.

A total disaster.

Nothing was as it should, everything was tilted or askew or just _wrong_ , somehow.

Chloe’s desk wasn’t flush against her wall.

Chloe’s bed was half-made and the top sheet wasn’t even on right – it was tilted off and askew, so some of it was resting on the floor.

She had a bunch of random piles of fucking clothes and Victoria wasn’t even sure if they were clean or dirty.

There was graffiti all over her walls, tilted posters of half-naked women, and marks which Victoria assumed to be from Chloe punching her walls.

There were clothes over her lamp in the corner, a jacket on every chair in the room, and just … ugh.

She didn’t even fucking bother to close her closet all of the way – it was slightly ajar.

Of course, there were beer bottles and the place smelled so strongly of weed.

“How do you even live here?”

By the time Victoria had finished processing, Chloe had taken her boots off – by kicking them off, of course, to some random pile of clothes – and just shrugged with an impish grin.

“Told you you wouldn’t like it. I spend more time in your room these days, anyway.”

Victoria sighed.

Chloe had a point.

Two, really.

Whatever.

She carefully walked a bit more into the room, where the smell of weed got even stronger.

Chloe always smelled of it, so no part of this surprised her.

“Looks like a bomb went off in here or something.”

Chloe shrugged again.

“It’s homey.”

Victoria rolled her eyes.

“It’s disgusting.”

Her complaints were more exaggerated than genuine, though.

She still walked over to Chloe’s desk and carefully sat down on the computer chair, there.

“Oh, hey, you know what ---”

Victoria blinked.

Chloe was suddenly up, bounding right next to Victoria, and picking up some object on the far side of her desk.

She produced an incredibly dated-looking polaroid camera – though they all looked like that – and walked around to stand in front of Victoria.

“Say cheese.”

Victoria’s eyes widened –

Chloe brought the camera up –

Victoria brought her hand up -

_Click. Whirr._

Chloe brought the camera down with a small frown.

“You ruined it.”

Victoria huffed.

At least the flash wasn’t that strong, so she wasn’t blinded or anything.

“I’m … particular about photos that exist of me. Why the fuck do you have a polaroid camera, anyway?”

Chloe sat down _on_ Victoria’s lap with another little cute surprised sound of hers while Chloe took the polaroid out of the camera and shook it.

“It’s my dad’s. … Was. Was my dad’s.”

Victoria blinked, and thought about shoving Chloe off, but …

This topic would probably suck.

Chloe being in her lap wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

And Chloe looked so … unlike her, while that topic came up and she stared at the meaningless nothingness of the polaroid as it developed.

“… Did he get you into photography?”

Chloe scoffed, a little, and put both the camera and the picture down on the table.

She looked to Victoria, then stood up, mercifully.

“C’mere.”

Unmercifully, however, she placed both of her hands on Victoria’s shoulders and dragged her off of the chair.

Victoria barely had the time to stand up instead of just fall over onto the floor like a fish or something.

Chloe kept on tugging, though, until they both collapsed on Chloe’s bed, facing one another.

Close.

“Kinda. He … tried. Tried to get me into a lot of stuff. Then he just … fucking left me. So. Whatever. Doesn’t matter.”

There was something in Chloe’s voice that always brought out weird sympathies from Victoria she didn’t know she even had to be brought out.

“He … left? I thought he … um. Died.”

Chloe huffed.

“Same thing.”

Victoria bit her lip.

Chloe blamed her father for leaving her because he _died_?

That was kinda fucked.

She had no idea what on earth she could possibly say, though, and the silence was a little awkward.

Chloe sighed and shook her head, slightly.

“I don’t really want to talk about it, anyway. Don’t need you judging me some more for how much a fuck up I am.”

Victoria sighed wearily and moved forward just enough to place a meaningfully firm kiss on Chloe’s lips.

Chloe didn’t resist, and moved one of her hands to Victoria’s side to rub pleasantly at it.

That felt nice.

So did kissing her girlfriend, for that matter.

“I just … don’t know what it’s like. My dad is alive, but … seems to hate me, so.”

Chloe frowned.

“He’s still your father, though. He can still … like. Be nice to you. Make you feel good.”

Victoria just about laughed outright at this, but instead just settled for an amused scoff.

She closed her eyes.

“No. No he can’t. He’s a … _fucking_ emotionless robot that tells me to do better when I’ve done my best and drunkenly tells me to go away when I need something from him.”

Victoria frowned.

Chloe blinked.

That wasn’t what she was expecting, though she did vaguely remember some conversations they had about this when they were both drunk.

Hard to remember that, since Victoria drank like a horse.

“In middle school I had a fucking 3.9 GPA. You know what he said? ‘You can do better’. Fucking … _ugh_.”

Chloe sighed, closed her eyes herself, and leaned forward to rest her forehead against hers.

The touch on her side turned into a loose hug, and Victoria returned it.

They shared another brief, slow, gentle kiss.

“Sucks to suck. Want me to deck him?”

Chloe opened her eyes, and saw a Victoria scoffing, but … smiling at the thought.

“No … I mean, _yes_. But no.”

Chloe grinned.

“Because I totally would.”

Victoria opened her eyes just to roll them.

“Shut up and kiss me again.”

Chloe did, and when she pulled away, Victoria pushed right back in to turn this into making out.

This was actually a little rare – usually they had quick kisses, maybe a little lip biting.

Making out was so … obviously into it.

So obviously gay.

Just thinking about it made Victoria blush, not the least which because Chloe made gentle little moans while it happened, and moved her hands under Victoria’s top to rub at skin more directly.

There was a lot that Victoria could tell herself to make herself believe she wasn’t into Chloe like this.

But …

It all felt weak and insincere when she increasingly wanted Chloe’s lips on hers, and her hands on her body, making her feel comforted when she wanted, strong when she felt weak.

She had a girlfriend.

That she was actively making out with.

She had to be some kind of gay.

Just …

No one in her family could know.

Especially not her dad.

Ugh.

Victoria repelled the thoughts with the excited sounds Chloe produced and the distracting sensation of Chloe’s tongue dancing in her own mouth.

It was easy to not think about anything else but Chloe while they were like this.

And Victoria wanted to make the most out of it.

To just have some peace.

 

Some time later, when they had finished, Victoria pulled away and sat up to rest on the edge of the bed.

One of her best, most efficient rationalizations is they only had sex when she was drunk – _very drunk_ – so it was easy to tell herself, and randos in the Vortex Club, that that’s what Chloe was to her.

A hookup partner for when she was too drunk to care.

This meant Chloe knew perfectly well that just because they made out right there they weren’t about to have sex, and wasn’t even expecting it.

Didn’t stop her from being disappointed, but it was a diffuse kind of disappointment.

They had sex pretty regularly, anyway.

Stepass might come home at any point, which would … make that awkward.

To say the least.

So it was chill.

Chloe just found her pot pipe and started another bowl while Victoria sat on the edge of her bed and quietly and obviously thought about things.

Victoria looked back, suddenly, but Chloe had long since relaxed to the point she was just staring at the ceiling.

“Do you even remember any of it?”

Chloe blinked, and raised her head to look at Victoria.

“Remember what?”

Victoria frowned.

“The times we had sex, idiot.”

Chloe frowned, too.

Not like she could tell whateverthefuck Victoria had spent all of that time thinking about …

“I mean. A little. You usually get me pretty fucked-up before we do anything, so …”

Victoria sighed wearily.

“I know …”

And she sounded hurt, or maybe a little sad.

She looked down.

“I don’t want it to be like that.”

Chloe blinked.

Little to object to that.

Victoria looked back up, and her face was still just troubled.

“I just … get nervous. What if … you wouldn’t …”

She didn’t complete the thought, just sitting there, looking obviously vulnerable, and Chloe sighed.

She closed her eyes, collapsed back onto the bed, and padded lazily at the space in front of her.

Victoria obliged the wordless request by laying back down and working her way back to Chloe’s front and her arms.

They shared a brief, but meaningfully affectionate kiss, after which Chloe offered her pipe.

Victoria stared at it, though, with a little frown.

“Maybe take a page out of my book then? Fuck being nervous. You’re my girlfriend. I’ll happily fuck you into the ground no matter how drunk or high or sober you are.”

Victoria closed her eyes with an amused exhale, and took the pot pipe.

Not her first time getting high.

While Victoria took the hit, Chloe turned on her hi-fi.

Victoria exhaled her hit off to the ceiling, and put the pipe on a nearby ashtray to rest.

She nestled up as close as she could possibly get to Chloe, intertwining their legs and compressing their chests together and everything, with their faces barely separated.

They could feel each other breathing.

All Victoria could smell was pot, because, _duh._

“Thanks.”

Victoria closed her eyes and kissed at Chloe again.

She then found Chloe’s arms and placed them on her sides, before working them under her shirt and guiding them up a bit higher, to her breasts.

She still kept her eyes closed, but Chloe looked at her carefully.

“Then … I want to feel really good. I want this to happen slowly. I want you to be making out with me constantly … then I want to make you feel good.”

Chloe got an excited smile at the proposition.

“Yeah …?”

Victoria nodded, slowly, and left Chloe’s hands alone to do what they did best, instead just rubbing at Chloe’s sides in return for now.

“Yeah … I want us both to remember every second.”

Chloe chuckled deeply.

“Sounds pretty gay, Vicky.”

Victoria opened her eyes just to roll them, again.

“Shut up and fuck your girlfriend already, deadass.”

 

Chloe didn’t need any more encouragement.

 

Victoria’s clothes came off.

Her girlfriend had the chance to properly appreciate her like this without being too intoxicated.

And then Chloe fulfilled her obligation.

Slow, gentle, passionate.

Gay.

 

When they had finished with just her, and Victoria was lovingly doting dozens of little kisses along Chloe’s neck, though –

They both heard the front door to the house opening and _slamming_ shut.

“Shit.”

Chloe was suddenly ram-rod stiff and sat right up.

She knew this might happen –

She should have objected –

But the moment was just too good –

Ugh, fuck –

“Chloe! What did I tell you about blasting loud punk music?”

Chloe scoffed.

“It’s not even fucking close to punk music are you _deaf_ \---”

Victoria sat up herself and suddenly felt very vulnerable and scared as she heard the plodding steps of Mr. Madsen going up the stairs.

She was totally naked and he was going to see her slightly high with her slightly high girlfriend in the very high room.

This could _not_ happen.

“Chloe. Hide me. I can’t …”

Victoria briefly looked to the door, and bit her lip.

Chloe paused, and looked to both the door and Victoria.

Shit.

If she hid her, she wouldn’t have the time to hide the pot.

Fuck it. Stepshit would be more upset at a naked girl in her room than some weed.

“Yeahokay. Shh.”

_Thud. Thud._

“Get in the …”

Chloe got off the bed, and Victoria mindlessly followed her.

“Yeah this’ll do.”

She yanked open her closet and dragged Victoria into it.

Probably the only time Victoria didn’t mind being dragged somewhere.

_Thud. Thud._

“Chloe … I’m scared.”

Chloe looked around again, really not having the time to comfort her girlfriend, but …

She looked back to Victoria, who had been crossing her arms and legs to give herself some sense of pathetic privacy or comfort in this fucked-up situation.

“It’s okay. I can handle him. You’ll be fine.”

She had this dopey little self-assured grin …

Victoria sighed, nodded.

“Thanks.”

_Thud. Thud._

Mr. Madsen banged on the door.

Shit.

Chloe closed the closet, quickly moved over to her bed, threw Victoria’s clothes into some pile, turned off the hi-fi, grabbed the pot pipe –

Mr. Madsen unlocked the door and forced it open.

Shit.

Chloe turned around to face him, and hid the pipe behind her back.

Mr. Madsen kept his hands by his side as he walked into the center of Chloe’s room.

“… and you’ve been smoking again, haven’t you?”

Chloe scoffed.

“Uh, no. Have _you_ been smoking? Do you see any pot, dude? I sure don’t.”

Chloe _sounded_ confident, but Victoria knew by now when Chloe’s confidence was genuine or faked.

And this felt faked.

Shit.

She tried to keep as quiet as she could while Mr. Madsen plodded closer to Chloe.

“ _Chloe_. This constant disrespect of my rules and my house is tearing the family apart.”

Oh.

Fuck you.

Chloe thoughtlessly brought one of her arms forward to point at stepass,

“No, _you’re_ the one tearing this fucking family apart, David! Everything was fucking fine before you showed up and shoved your dick in all of my dad’s stuff and ---”

Unfortunately, the arm she had picked was the one that still had the pot pipe in it.

They both noticed it at the same time.

Mr. Madsen frowned, took another step closer, and way-too-tightly grasped at Chloe’s wrist.

“Listen, _young lady_ \---”

Chloe’s heart was racing but she wasn’t going to back down now.

Especially not with Victoria hiding in the closet.

She tried to tug herself away from his painfully tight grasp –

“ _Fuck you_ , let me go you fucking ---”

 

 

 

 

Slap.

 

 

 

 

Quiet.

 

 

 

 

The room was suddenly so quiet it was like everyone lost their hearing.

Chloe’s eyes widened.

David’s eyes widened.

Victoria’s eyes widened.

When David realized what he had done, he looked to his hand, and released Chloe’s arm by shoving it back at her.

When Chloe realized what he had done, she limply fell back a bit with his shove and landed on the edge of her bed, dumbly rubbing at the slap mark at her cheek.

Victoria wasn't really processing what she was seeing.

“Listen.”

For once, Chloe did, too much in shock to object.

For now, anyway.

No matter how often it happened, the violation was always so shocking and unsettling that Chloe never got any better at dealing with it.

David huffed, and tried to calm his voice and the temperature of the room down.

“You … make me do this to you. This is the only time you don’t run your mouth. I don’t … _want_ to … but you need to ---”

 

Victoria leaned against the back wall of Chloe’s closet, slowly fell down onto her ass, and closed her eyes.

She was overwhelmed with a vague, useless memory, that never quite left her for some reason.

 

\---

 

Calm

Reassuring waters

No care in the world

After school

A shower at home after the day’s events

After stress

After everything

 

This bastion of stress relief violated

With the falling of the shower head

Onto her own head

 

Victoria screamed

Out of shock maybe or fear perhaps or pain probably

 

She didn’t stop

Her parents burst into the room

Caring and concerned

 

Their light no comfort

Their words no remedy

 

She screamed

Until she didn’t

 

Until she was wordless and breathless

And her mom’s arms were tightly squeezing everything out of her

Squeezing out the stress

And the care

 

The bastion restored to its former glory

The stress gone

Victoria closed her eyes

 

\---

 

Victoria reconnected with the world with Chloe leaning over her, rubbing at her shoulder, looking somewhere between sad, angry, and concerned.

“Are you okay?”

Victoria blinked a couple dozen times.

Why did she only remember it so vaguely?

Why did it never go away?

Why did it come up now, of all times, when Mr. Madsen might have found her?

“I … yeah. Let’s just …”

She looked down and away from Chloe, speechless for some reason.

“Fuck this place. Let’s leave.”

Victoria nodded gently.

“Yeah …”

She looked back up.

“Um, where are my … clothes?”

Chloe stood up, and looked around with a shrug.

“Dunno. One of the piles. Who cares.”

Victoria blinked, and frowned a little, but –

Chloe leaned back into her closet and effortlessly picked out a few articles of clothing that were miraculously hug up.

Unlike everything else.

“Just … wear this.”

Victoria recollected herself enough to scoff.

“I’m not wearing your clothes, Chloe.”

Chloe smiled, somehow, and threw them at Victoria’s face.

“Well, that works out, ‘cuz, they’re not mine, they’re Rachel’s. And I’m not hanging around to find your shit … I … I gotta get out of here. _Now_. And I need you with me.”

Victoria sighed wearily, but knew she was losing this fight.

Of course Chloe wanted to leave.

No one could live in a place like this.

 

Victoria complained a little bit more, but put on Rachel’s clothes.

Chloe was weirdly quiet while she did as such, just kind of antsy and itchy.

Chloe wanted to leave via her window.

There was _no fucking way_ Victoria was going to leave a house by a window.

 

After they left Chloe’s house via her window, they piled into her truck and just sort of awkwardly silently sat there.

Chloe put the truck into gear.

 

The quiet was painful.

 

Victoria didn’t know what to say.

What even do you say after that?

 

“So um … you kind of spaced out, there.”

Chloe spoke first, more than a little awkwardly, and kept her eyes on the road.

This time, there was plenty of distance between them in the truck’s cabin.

Chloe didn’t feel obligated to change that, and neither did Victoria.

“Did I?”

Chloe nodded.

“For at least a few minutes after step … um. After he left.”

She didn’t even have the energy to insult Mr. Madsen, and that felt really bizarre to Victoria.

Who knows what else just being abused changes, though.

“It didn’t feel that long.”

Chloe noticed Victoria’s voice had been softer and more detached.

Not that much bickering or insults.

It didn’t feel like the Victoria she knew.

“Yeah well. I didn’t have a stopwatch or anything, but it was a while.”

Victoria sighed.

“Right. I don’t know. I just had this dumb memory I relive sometimes.”

Chloe blinked, and went deathly silent.

“Did your dad hit you, too?”

Victoria blinked, and shook her head a few times.

“What? No. Nothing like that. It’s just … some weird thing I remember specifically about my childhood.”

She huffed and crossed her arms, leaning more into the passenger side door.

“I don’t remember most of my childhood. Nothing before middle school. Only bits and pieces during it. It’s just some weird memory from deeper into my childhood. A shower head fell on me and my parents comforted me.”

Chloe blinked.

Victoria didn’t remember her childhood?

Fuck.

That had to suck.

What if Chloe woke up and didn’t remember Max, one day?

Still, something about that sounded off, to Chloe.

“A _shower head_ fell onto you?”

Victoria nodded.

Then she realized Chloe’s eyes were appropriately on the road.

“Yeah.”

Chloe frowned a little.

“I’ve literally never heard of one falling.”

Victoria scoffed.

“Well I don’t know. It happened, okay? Maybe my dad was lazy or drunk when he installed it. I don’t know.”

Quiet.

Something didn’t add up about it to Chloe, but she didn’t know what to say.

So she just didn’t say anything.

 

Chloe pulled up to the junkyard.

American Rust.

Victoria frowned.

“Why are we stopped at a junkyard.”

Chloe scoffed and got out of the driver’s seat.

“Because I need to vent.”

Victoria blinked.

“I’m not going in there. There’s ---”

Chloe closed the driver’s side door.

Victoria closed her eyes, sighed, and raised a hand up to rub her temples.

Either go into that drug and disease-infested shit hole, or wait it out in Chloe’s truck.

Whatever.

Victoria left the truck herself and followed Chloe.

“Do you come here often?”

Chloe shrugged.

They kept walking, but to what, Victoria didn’t know.

She just eyed all of the garbage around her and tried to not get too uncomfortable.

Easier to do when she could just look at Chloe.

“Not as much anymore. I spend most of my free time with you.”

Victoria sighed pleasantly.

“Good. You’ll a catch a disease or something out here.”

Chloe chuckled gently.

“Good to know, _Mom._ ”

Victoria groaned slightly.

“I’m serious, Chloe. This place looks shifty as can be.”

Chloe just shrugged, again.

Quiet.

They walked in companionable silence until they reached a small clubhouse.

“Just a sec.”

Victoria crossed her arms and huffed a little, but Chloe went inside quickly.

And came out with a fucking baseball bat.

Victoria blinked.

“Chloe …”

And her voice sounded a little dangerous.

Chloe smiled, smiled, smiled.

“Yeah babe?”

Victoria huffed.

“What’s … that … for?”

Chloe brought it up and smacked it gently against her free open palm, smile becoming an impish grin.

“I told you. I need to vent.”

Chloe then suddenly took off in a spirt away from the club house.

“Keep up if you can!”

Victoria blinked.

“I swear to _God_ , Chloe!”

But after a second or two of hesitation, she sighed, and chased after Chloe.

At least in these chucks it was easier to run.

Not like wearing heels.

 

Chloe was a practiced runner, but so was Victoria.

Still, Chloe had a head start, and by the time Victoria caught up to her, she was already wailing on a mannequin.

“I ---”

Smash.

“Swear ---”

Smash.

“If ---”

Smash.

“You ---”

Smash.

“Ever ---”

Smash.

“Touch me ---”

Smash.

“Again ---”

Smash.

“I’m fuckin’ …”

Chloe hesitated for a second, breathing heavily.

“… I don’t know.”

The thought made her frown, since the helplessness of her situation didn’t escape her even in fantasy venting.

Victoria watched quietly, slightly gaping her mouth.

She knew Chloe could be violent, but … this was something else.

That mannequin was totally destroyed.

Chloe noticed Victoria caught up, and looked at her plainly for a few seconds with her heavy breathing.

Then, she smiled, kicked what remained of the mannequin away, and offered the bat to Victoria.

Victoria just stared at it.

“It’s … satisfying.”

Victoria looked up to Chloe with a frown, then back to the bat.

“It’s … unhealthy.”

Chloe shrugged.

“Don’t think you … can lecture me about … healthy coping mechanisms … Ms … I drink Vodka every night … and can’t remember my childhood.”

Victoria frowned.

Damnit.

She had a point.

Whatever.

She took the bat from Chloe and loosened her posture somewhat, walking past Chloe and looking around for something to hit.

“I have no clue why I’m agreeing to this.”

Chloe came up behind her with that impish grin again and spanked at Victoria’s rear.

Victoria jumped, slightly, and looked back to Chloe with a small frown.

“Yeah you do. Now … go hit something. Hard. Don’t stop … until you’ve … worked it out.”

Chloe certainly looked like she’d ‘worked it out’ a lot with her still-heavy breathing.

Whatever.

Victoria took a few tentative steps away from Chloe and towards a stack of some discarded printers.

The old office ones, from like ten fucking years ago, or something.

They were giant, blocky, and a faded white that belied their age, if their clearly-obsolete design didn’t already.

She ran her bat along some of them and considered.

The bat went up, and …

Smash?

She didn’t put too much into it.

Chloe grunted.

“No. You have to … be the bat. _Fuck this_ … stupid pile of _shit_ … make it regret … ever existing.”

Victoria spared a look back to Chloe and frowned more deeply.

This sounded less and less healthy …

But whatever.

The bat went up again.

Smash.

The printer she hit broke apart into a few pieces.

That felt …

Interesting.

“Harder!”

Chloe was close to her again, and cheered her on.

Victoria’s frown only deepened, but the bat came up again.

Smash.

“Harder!”

Smash.

“Harder!”

_Smash._

“Yeah … like that.”

Victoria’s breathing had picked up a bit herself, and she’d ended up holding the bat with two hands more out of necessity than any thought.

Chloe placed a hand on her shoulder, and Victoria didn’t jump at the touch this time, just trying to steady her breathing and figure out what the fuck was going on with her mind right now.

“Now … think about some … unfair shit … you don’t want to … normally … and … smash it.”

Victoria closed her eyes.

She didn’t have to think too hard about a topic like that.

She raised her bat.

Chloe backed off to give her some space.

“I told you ---”

Smash.

“A million _fucking_ times ---”

Smash.

“I don’t remember ---”

Smash.

“--- I _don’t …_ _remember_ \---”

Smash.

“ **Anything**.”

Smash.

“Not the _fucking_ family trips!”

Smash.

“Not the _fucking_ family get togethers!”

Smash.

“Not the … _fucking_ anything!”

Smash.

“It’s all gone!”

Smash.

“A fucking void!”

Smash.

“Ugh!”

Smash.

“Fifteen… _fucking_ years …”

Victoria stood over the pile of beaten-up trash breathing as heavily as Chloe had been, earlier.

And just like her session, this one ended with a sobering thought.

“All gone… I’ll … never get it … back. Most of my … life.”

Fuck.

Victoria kicked at some of the trash and sighed wearily.

Chloe came up behind her again and placed both of her hands on Victoria’s shoulders, rubbing firmly.

“That … wanted to come out.”

Victoria closed her eyes, sighed, sniffled a little, and turned around to bury her face into her girlfriend’s neck.

“Yeah …”

The shoulder rubbing turned into a hug.

“Do you … want to talk about it?”

Victoria shook her head slightly.

“Not really … just … my mother keeps asking … if I remember some … cute little memory we had together … and I always have to say … no … I don’t … I never will.”

Chloe bit her lip.

She tightly squeezed Victoria, who just melted into the embrace.

“Let’s get you a beer and … relax in the clubhouse.”

Victoria hummed thoughtfully, and allowed her smashy girlfriend lead her back to the clubhouse.

Inside, there was quite a lot to look at – posters, graffiti, baseball bats – but Victoria eyed the large couch in the room almost immediately.

She tossed the bat she was still holding to the pile of other bats, broke away from Chloe, and collapsed on that couch face first.

Chloe chuckled.

A few moments later, she sat down next to Victoria with two beers.

She opened them both, kicked her feet forwards onto the table in front of her, and pet gently at Victoria’s hair.

Victoria sighed into the couch and pulled herself up some to rest her face on Chloe’s lap.

“Draining, huh?”

Victoria grunted and flopped over so her face was pointed to Chloe.

“It’s … I’ve been trying not to think about that stuff … I don’t know how I feel anymore.”

Chloe offered Victoria her beer, and she took it and took a sip with a disgusted face, since obviously she was more of a spirits kind of person but whatever.

“Maybe you feel … alive? Not like the robot your dad wants you to be?”

Victoria hummed thoughtfully.

“I don’t know. I kind of just want to curl up and die right now.”

Chloe nodded.

She took the other beer, since Victoria hadn’t returned the first to her, and looked off to one of the walls, while one of her hands went through Victoria’s hair.

Normally Victoria would be incredibly upset at her for this, but her hair was already messed up from not just sex but running and smashing and everything, so … Chloe was probably doing more help than harm this time.

“I don’t have a good answer to whether or not it’s better to repress it and not think about it or … live with it and deal with the shit emotions it brings you.”

She closed her eyes.

“But at least now you know what it’s like to do both.”

Victoria went quiet in consideration, taking a sip of her beer while Chloe did the same.

“Fuck.”

Really, the only word that needed to be said.

 

After a few minutes of relaxing and beer drinking, though, Victoria had some more words.

She pulled herself up from Chloe’s lap and sat down next to her.

She forced Chloe’s face to the side to kiss her just as forcefully on the lips.

Chloe blinked her eyes open.

“I hate … ugh. This. My family. My life. Everything. But … I love you. I think. I don’t know. I never knew. But this … whatever this is all is … I need this. I need … you.”

Chloe blinked again and blushed a little at Victoria’s raw, unflinching honesty, especially at the comment that she needed Chloe.

What was there to need?

Chloe was just some idiot burnout loser.

Still.

She leaned back into Victoria to kiss her in return.

It was much more gentle and slow than Victoria’s.

She had her own brutally-honest words to say.

“I’d … probably be dead right now if it wasn’t for you. I don’t know what love is but … you’re the most important person in my life right now.”

Kiss.

When they separated, Victoria plainly placed her head on Chloe’s shoulder, and melted more into the couch.

Chloe found Victoria’s free hand.

The fingers intertwined.

They squeezed.

Deep sigh.

This felt really heavy, honest, genuine.

But Chloe worked on impulse, and deployed a little trick she picked up from Rachel, when shit got too heavy and no one knew what to say afterwards.

“So um … are you ever going to pay me back for making your pussy scream earlier?”

Victoria scoffed dangerously, viciously squeezed Chloe’s arm, and finished off the rest of her beer in one swig.

Chloe watched her, blinking.

Damn, Victoria.

“ _Yes_. Fuck it.”

She put the empty bottle down on the table, broke her hand away from Chloe’s, and straddled her, to start rubbing affectionately at Chloe’s skin, underneath her shirt.

Chloe smiled, then grinned, while she looked up to her girlfriend.

“Pretty gay, Chase.”

Victoria leaned down to give Chloe one more emphatic kiss.

“Yeah. For you.”

 

There was no point denying it anymore.

Victoria was the most important person in Chloe’s life.

Chloe was the most important person in Victoria’s life.

Whatever this was was romantic.

Whatever this was involved sex.

Whatever this was was gay.

 

The way Chloe had her little excited sounds and the way she moaned Victoria’s name was … especially so.

Victoria was happy she was only buzzed and slightly high.

She wanted to remember this afternoon.

She wanted to remember things for once.

She wanted to remember Chloe.

In all of her idiotic glory.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe embarrasses Victoria.
> 
> Victoria confuses Max.
> 
> Some smart ass plays "Same Love".
> 
> Things are okay.

There were some … interesting consequences to Chloe being Victoria’s very-public and very-openly-romantic girlfriend.

Without Rachel fucking everything up, Victoria was largely the uncontested queen bee on campus, and so any such news about her partners or friends were more consequential.

But especially news of a _girl_ friend.

After her difficult but hugely therapeutic day in the junkyard, Victoria was coping with the idea of people knowing she was gay.

At least at Blackwell.

Taylor never quite accepted her lines about Chloe being more of a drunk hookup partner, so she was appropriately, if annoyingly, smug about the whole thing. Supportive, but smug. Too smug.

Nathan was still annoyed at her and didn’t want to talk to her about this stuff anymore, though was coming around on talking about other things. Victoria still felt bad about this, but there wasn’t really anything she could do, and Chloe already did her piece.

The opinions of Courtney and Hayden were less important, though Courtney was perfectly pleasant about it and Hayden was confused by Victoria even thought there might have been a problem.

So that was kind of nice.

Victoria was quite worried it was going to impact her image or reputation, though.

Chloe … was Chloe, after all.

A drop out.

A burn out.

A gorgeous idiotic loser.

Taylor’s smug quip of “ohhhh so you like the bad girls, huh?” couldn’t possibly be the basis of everyone’s opinion.

And while everyone still appropriately feared her, she couldn’t shake the feeling that people were thinking of her differently, in a worse or more judgmental way, because of her relationship with Chloe.

Especially fucking judgmental fuckwits like Kate.

Ugh.

She probably even thought worse of Victoria now that she was in a gay relationship.

Her thoughts were distracted by another more practical consequence of Chloe being her public girlfriend.

Chloe suddenly opened the door to her photography class.

Victoria, and the entire class for that matter, looked to her with no small amount of blinking.

Mr. Jefferson impatiently crossed his own arms and stopped his lecture, though Victoria noticed his look was more curious than disgusted or annoyed.

For her part Chloe was just grinning, since she simply did not care, and that was something Victoria learned she really loved about her.

Chloe locked her eyes to Victoria.

“C’mere a minute.”

Victoria blinked again.

She couldn’t be serious, right?

Mr. Jefferson scoffed, amused, and slowly shook his head.

“Now now, this is my class and my time, and unless this is some … _emergency_ \---”

Chloe jumped up and down slightly, impatiently, sparing him only a brief look before staring at her girlfriend some more.

“--- Yeah dude, it’s a family _emergency_. It’s about your uncle, Vicky.”

Victoria didn’t believe that, but figured this would be over with more quickly if she went along with Chloe and obliged her instead of having her draw this out and make this into an even bigger scene than it already was.

Since Chloe was stubborn, and for whatever reason, she wanted her girlfriend _right now_.

So she gasped and did her best to look shocked.

Mr. Jefferson looked back to Victoria and frowned, slightly.

But then he just reproduced another amused exhale.

Mr. Jefferson was never one to be that huge on strict rules other than people paying attention to him while he lectured.

Just another reason he was the coolest teacher on campus.

“Alright. One minute with my best student. I’m sure your … careful and thoughtful words will be the best way to break this news to her, however shocking and alarming it may be.”

Victoria couldn’t help but smile at the little quip about Chloe’s personality.

But it was almost affectionate, like the way she would tease some of her friends.

Out of all of her teachers, Mr. Jefferson seemed to dislike Chloe the least, and Victoria couldn’t quite figure out why.

Chloe objectively a bad student and didn’t respect the authority structure he belonged to.

And it’s not like he saw what Victoria did.

Maybe it’s because she was never directly his student.

Still.

Whatever his reasoning, it was easy to exploit.

“Oh thank you so much, Mr. Jefferson! You’re such a nice, understanding teacher.”

Without Rachel in the way, she could charm him better, too.

But that was not for now, so she stood up and quickly made her way out of the class after this line.

Even if Mr. Jefferson rolled his eyes a little bit at her unsubtle compliment.

 

Outside of the class, there thankfully wasn’t anyone around – though where was security, again, to keep people who shouldn’t be on campus away, like Chloe? Whatever.

Chloe must have been pretty good at dodging them to be spending so much time in Victoria’s room, anyway.

“This had better be good. You’re embarrassing me in front of Mr. Jefferson.”

Chloe was just grinning like the obnoxious idiot she was.

“Who cares. Dude’s just a tryhard.”

Victoria sighed wearily.

Mr. Jefferson _did_ try a _little bit_ too much to be cool and hip.

“And hugely influential in the art field. You know. The thing I’m trying to break into.”

Chloe just shrugged, still grinning.

“Yeah cool whatever hey ---”

She looked past Victoria for a second, to the door to the photography class, then back to Victoria again.

“--- wanna know a secret?”

Victoria blinked.

“Chloe …”

And her voice was a little dangerous.

“Yes or no yes or no yes or no ---”

Chloe was way too excited about whatever this was, in that way where she had seemingly too much energy for her body and no outlet to really get rid of it.

Victoria groaned, but was smiling just slightly, since it was kind of cute.

“Okay, fine, whatever, yes, Jesus. What is it?”

Chloe suddenly dropped her grin entirely and sobered up, as though she was trying to be serious for once.

“It’s super hugely important.”

Chloe got closer.

“Like … really really important.”

Closer.

“It’ll change your life to hear it.”

Victoria just blinked and blinked and blinked, and soon enough Chloe was right in front of her, which left Victoria a little trapped since right behind her was a wall.

She looked up to her suddenly dramatic girlfriend.

Chloe never talked like this, and it was vaguely concerning.

But only vaguely.

Since this was Chloe, after all.

“Um … what is it?”

Closer.

Chloe’s hands were on Victoria’s sides.

She exhaled a gentle breath on Victoria’s face and leaned over to her ear to whisper.

“I …”

She gulped, and hesitated.

Victoria just kept on blinking like --- _what_ \---

“… love you.”

Victoria emitted the most painful and loud groan she ever had and shoved Chloe away, who had dissolved into helpless giggles by this point.

“You … oh my _God_ , Chloe. You did _not_ just interrupt my class to …”

She raised a hand up to rub at her temples.

Chloe moved with the shove away an appropriate amount of distance, but collected herself and rebounded right in front of Victoria again.

Grinning like an idiot.

“Maybe I did.”

She leaned in again so she could whisper some more, and despite Victoria just shoving her away a few seconds ago she really liked Chloe being so close.

“Sometimes it’s … nice to just have a little reminder, you know …”

Victoria closed her eyes and exhaled pleasantly.

Chloe kissed at the hand at her temples, which afterwards slunk down to her other hands to cross her arms, but this didn’t satisfy Chloe either, who took it upon herself to secure Victoria’s hands in her own for a little squeeze.

“… it is.”

Victoria blushed somewhat, but Chloe wasn’t wrong.

It was just … weird to think about.

Chloe simply did not care about all of the rules set upon her to not do what she was doing anyway.

She didn’t care about the rule about not being on campus, she didn’t care about the rule about not interrupting class, she seemingly tactfully exploited the one teacher who might go along with her little spiel just to be a little romantic to Victoria.

She didn’t know how she would handle Chloe doing this more often.

But this one time?

This was kind of nice.

Romantic.

Chloe genuinely cared about her.

Maybe more than anyone else ever could, or should.

Chloe squeezed her hands again and Victoria stole a kiss, since she quite liked kissing her girlfriend.

“Just … text me next time?”

They both opened their eyes, and Chloe was still grinning, since she quite liked kissing her girlfriend too.

“But then I wouldn’t get these cute sounds out of you …”

She lowered her voice down to something sultry and seductive, and leaned forward into Victoria’s ear.

“… or see this blush on your face.”

Victoria groaned again but when she moved to shove Chloe away she couldn’t since Chloe had her hands.

She didn’t even know if Chloe did that intentionally to prevent it from happening again, but either way Chloe gave her a kiss to her ear and bit it ever-so-slightly, which caused Victoria to squeak and squirm a little like _what_ –

Chloe dissolved into giggles again and pushed herself off Victoria.

Chloe was blushing a little bit too but it was nothing compared to Victoria, who had to take a moment with her eyes closed, head bowed, one arm crossed over, and just one finger from her other hand rubbing quite intently at her forehead.

“You’re … impossible, Chloe.”

Chloe giggled contently and jumped up and down on her boots for a second or two.

“Yeah but. It’s what you love about me.”

Victoria exhaled, amused, and slowly brought her hand down to cross her arms.

She opened her eyes and looked back up to Chloe.

“Yes. Yes it is.”

They shared a moment of a genuine smile, then Victoria cleared her throat and looked off to the side to see if anyone had seen that little moment of theirs.

“Now, seriously, is that all? Mr. Jefferson _is_ waiting.”

When she looked back, Chloe was biting her lip slightly, which was … really hot but ---

“Actually … yeah. Is that Max in your class? M-max, Caulfield?”

Victoria blinked.

Chloe stammered on the delivery which was … not like her at all.

“Yeah? The little mousey idiot hipster who sits in the back and takes selfies all day long?”

Chloe frowned for just a second or two, sighed, and crossed her arms.

She closed her eyes and looked down.

“I … try not to talk about her much anymore but – we used to know each other. We … lost touch.”

Victoria blinked some more.

“Wait --- wait, wait, wait. She’s not the one you talked about before, right?”

Victoria uncrossed her arms to place one hand on her waist.

Chloe nodded and looked back up, though her face was more pained than anything else when she opened her eyes.

“No, yeah, that’s the one.”

It came out like an exhale.

It was Victoria’s turn to frown.

“… the one you had a crush on.”

Chloe nodded again.

“… yeah.”

Victoria sighed wearily and shook her head.

“Good lord. Ugh. You’re _kidding_ me.”

Chloe shook her head.

“Wish I was. Thought I saw her once or twice before but … I’m mostly here for you and parties, and it doesn’t seem like she’s much into either of those things.”

Victoria chuckled, though the news was still something else.

“Putting it lightly. She’d probably burst into flames if she stepped into a Vortex Club party or something.”

Chloe blinked, then frowned a little.

“No. Max’s … she’s … she has a lot of quiet courage. She just needs someone to push her.”

Victoria blinked.

Max? Courageous?

Absurd.

The thought made her scoff and shake her head.

“I think ---”

Chloe wasn’t interested, though, and cut her off –

“--- anyway. Can you please … get her to talk to me?”

Victoria blinked again, then recrossed her arms.

“And … _why_ exactly would I do that? Or _how_ , for that matter?”

Chloe shrugged, but then uncrossed her arms to get her playful grin back.

“’cuz you love me and you want to make your girlfriend happy, right? And I don’t know. You’re the person with people skills here. Can’t be that hard for you.”

Victoria frowned.

Chloe’s grin got that much wider.

“Or can the great queen Victoria Chase not even convince a ‘little mousey idiot hipster’?”

Victoria huffed.

Chloe just used her own words against her, the little bitch.

But …

This conversation had already dragged on for far too long.

Mr. Jefferson was surely going to be upset at her now.

“Ugh, just, whatever. I need to get back to class.”

She turned on her heel to walk to the door -

“… please?”

\- but paused and looked back when she heard this fragile, almost hauntingly sincere plea from Chloe.

She bit her own lip because Chloe just had this _look_ on her face –

So needing –

Victoria sighed, and looked down to the floor for a second or two to consider.

When she looked up, she frowned.

“Okay. Fine. I’ll try. A _little bit_. And if ---”

She didn’t get to finish.

Chloe could be fucking _fast_ when she wanted to, and she bounded over to giggily and giddily and tightly wrap her arms around Victoria and hug her and raise a hand up to fucking ruin her hair and ---

Ugh.

“Thanks.”

Just as quickly as she came, Chloe released Victoria from her grasp – though lingered long enough for Victoria to appreciate her smell and warmth – and walked away with a pleasant wave and a playful ‘see ya’.

Victoria watched her go – for one, because Chloe always wore skinny jeans, so … and two, Chloe just had this way of moving that was so uniquely endearing.

As she prowled down the hallway it was like she was grooving to a beat only she could hear, walking with her body wide and arms spread, making gestures and movements as her entire body seemed to bump and vibrate with that excitable energy she had.

Fuck.

Victoria was staring.

But she was smiling.

 

After she broke her gaze away – forced, more like – she spent a second or two to fix her hair and make sure her clothes were all proper, since Chloe’s hands _had_ been on her.

Back into class.

Everyone’s eyes were on her, but, whatever.

Let them stare.

Mr. Jefferson eyed her and paused his lecture once more.

But then he smiled, slightly.

So did Victoria.

“Ah, there you are. I _do_ hope whatever this … news was hasn’t impacted your ability to be starry-eyed and excited to learn about photography?”

Victoria smiled a bit wider.

“ _Of course not_ , Mr. Jefferson. Chloe ---”

Victoria briefly looked at Max out of the corner of her eyes, trying to gauge some reaction –

“--- was just passing some news about my dearest uncle. He’s fine, but we were very concerned. A touch-and-go situation.”

She did notice … something, out of Max, but Max was kind of a dopey idiot who didn’t react much with her face so Victoria didn’t get too much out of it.

 

Mr. Jefferson seemed pleased-enough with Victoria’s lies, not having much of a reason to distrust her, and Victoria took her seat back.

She didn’t pay too much attention to the lecture, though.

And didn’t volunteer any answers.

She just kept sparing fruitive looks at Max and trying to figure out just what the hell she could possibly do.

Victoria had been difficult, to say the least, to Max, for the entire school year, basically.

Max wasn’t a particularly good student, and that frustrated Victoria, because she was just oozing with natural talent.

Instead she just hid behind this bullshit insecure act, like she didn’t even know she was good at taking photos, and insisted on shooting on ancient technology that severely hampered how good her shots could be for some antiquated idea of aesthetic.

Fucking hipster, sacrificing the precision and beauty of modern equipment for pointless romantic fantasizing about the past.

Still.

Victoria was worried one day she’d actually properly try and prove just how much better than Victoria she could be at photography.

And Victoria wasn’t sure how she would handle that, since she knew who would come out on top.

Poorly, probably.

Ugh.

But this all meant they had some history, and it wasn’t like she could just waltz up to her and ask her to talk to Chloe again.

No, she needed some kind of … plan.

Something that Max wouldn’t understand the purpose of on the surface.

She just needed some way to get Max and Chloe in the same room and lock them in there together and ---

Maybe Max’s room?

She lived _right_ there.

Probably wouldn’t want to just let Chloe and her in, though?

Like if Max wanted to talk, she would have already.

Maybe …

Vortex Club parties.

Fucking perfect.

With a beer or two in her she’d probably talk just fine.

… If Max actually went to any of those.

Ugh.

Nevermind.

Wait, what did Chloe say?

Max just needed a little encouragement?

Victoria still didn’t really believe that, but, whatever.

Chloe would know better, since they were apparently good friends for a while?

This seemed like it could work.

Maybe.

She could at least try.

If Max would attend one, she could get Chloe and her into the VIP section, and close it off intervention-style.

Chloe probably didn’t have something so dramatic in mind, but, whatever.

If she wanted Victoria’s help, she was going to get it in Victoria’s way.

Victoria rather liked this idea, thinking about it some more.

She smiled.

 

After class, Victoria decided to skip her routine conversation with Mr. Jefferson to chase after Max.

“Oh, Maxine!”

Of course, Max wasn’t expecting such a thing.

She paused in her walking, looked back to Victoria, and just blinked a couple dozen times stupidly and wordlessly.

Max did that thing she always did where her face didn’t really respond or change much, but she did gape her mouth slightly as she looked at Victoria.

Victoria tried not to be too bothered by this, walking up pleasantly behind Max with a faint smile.

She still had her arms crossed, of course.

Max turned looked straight ahead again, as though trying to see if Victoria was talking to _another_ Maxine, and satisfied that no one was there, turned her entire body around to face Victoria properly.

“Um. Max, never ---”

Victoria restrained herself from rolling her eyes,

“Max, never Maxine, right, of course. Sorry, Max.”

Max just blinked.

Victoria had never apologized honestly to her now, and her tone had never been so sweet, so she was more than a little suspicious.

“Do you … want something?”

Victoria closed her eyes to make an amused chuckle.

“Why yes, actually. I was thinking you should attend the Vortex Club party this Friday.”

She opened her eyes to see Max just looking like that expressionless idiot again, which was kind of annoying, since it threw off Victoria’s ability to judge her reaction.

“You were?”

She sure sounded a little surprised though, moving one of her hands over to rub at her own arm.

She looked away for a second or two, and then looked back to Victoria with the faintest of frowns.

“I don’t know. I don’t really … belong there.”

Victoria just shook her head pleasantly and took a few seconds closer to Max.

Max gulped.

“Nonsense! You’ll fit in just fine after we get a drink or two in you and loosen you up.”

Victoria smiled, and although it was fake, Max wasn’t to know that.

Max just blinked.

“I’m not really the … drinking type, either.”

Victoria rolled her eyes.

“There’s a first time for everything, silly.”

Max bit her lip, but didn’t respond, clearly considering.

Victoria sighed and tried to not show any frustration.

She was _trying_ to be nice but Max was making this awfully difficult.

“Just try it once. See if you like it. It’ll be nice to have some way to relax and let off steam from all of this stressful school work.”

Victoria took another step closer, and she was pretty close to Max now.

Another fake but convincing smile.

“What do you say?”

Max sighed, removing her hand from her arm to just let them hang loosely on either side.

“Okay, I guess …”

Victoria _squealed_ –

Max almost jumped –

Victoria bounded closer until she was adjacent and tightly wrapped her arms around Max in a brief but meaningful if forced of a hug.

Max just kept on blinking, totally incapable of understanding how to process this.

“Oh, wonderful! You’re going to love this, Max. I just know it.”

Squeeze.

Victoria was pretty sure she heard Max squeak in response, and it was kind of a cute thing, since she didn’t even have the wherewithal to respond to the hug in any other way.

But as soon as it was started, it was over with, and Victoria just took a step or two back.

“Now, I must get going. Drop by my room if you need help picking out any clothes. _Au revoir._ ”

Max barely even responded to Victoria breaking the hug either, just looking horribly awkward.

But she kind of always did, so it was whatever.

Victoria walked plainly past Max with a genuine smile this time, since that didn’t go as bad as it could, and she felt like she was being a good girlfriend.

Max honestly just needed a few seconds to process everything – Victoria was probably the most confusing woman she had ever met in her life, and exchanges like this only added to the confusion, where she suddenly seemed to be nice and caring and understanding instead of just cruel, closed-off, and mean.

It put a weird thought in her mind that she couldn’t dislodge.

“Um … Victoria?”

Victoria paused, and looked back to Max.

“Yes, Max?”

The two of them turned around to face one another.

Max frowned somewhat, but then shook her head and exhaled harshly.

“Is Chloe … um, a good g-girlfriend?”

Victoria blinked.

She raised a hand up to rub at the back of her neck for a few seconds, then sighed and crossed her arms.

“She’s obnoxious, stupid, smelly, tactless, and uncaring.”

Max blinked.

“… Oh.”

Victoria groaned painfully.

“Let me finish.”

Max just kept on blinking.

“Anyway. She’s definitely all of those things, but … sweet, and gentle, and loving, and thoughtful, and … charming, when she needs to be. She’s amazing.”

Max smiled, just slightly.

“Oh.”

Victoria rolled her eyes, but didn’t even notice the fact she was smiling herself, which is what had inspired Max’s smile in the first place.

“Is that all, Max?”

Max bit her lip and hesitated.

“Is she like … okay?”

Victoria scoffed and shook her head.

“You should ask her that yourself. Because. You know. You haven’t been doing that.”

Max flinched painfully and looked away from Victoria with a defeated sigh.

“Yeah …”

She sounded kinda hurt, too.

Victoria frowned.

That reaction didn’t jive with her ignoring Chloe for years.

Maybe she felt bad about it.

Clearly she still cared about Chloe if she was asking about her like this.

Max could know a little.

“But … I think she’s doing okay. Not amazingly, not poorly, just … we’re getting by.”

Max looked back to Victoria and hummed thoughtfully.

“Oh. That’s … good.”

Victoria wondered if Max knew any words other than ‘oh’, sometimes.

“Now … I really must get going.”

Max nodded.

“Okay. Thanks, Victoria, I guess.”

Victoria smiled pleasantly and gave her a little wave.

“Of course, Max. See you on Friday.”

 

After she turned around, Victoria dropped her smile and just sighed.

She didn’t like acting like such a sycophant to people who didn’t deserve it, and Max was squarely in that camp.

Even if Max had a lot of potential, she seemed thoroughly disinterested from ever really tapping into it.

She was a lot like Chloe, in that sense.

At least her plan was moving on according schedule, and Max didn’t seem to obviously resent Chloe or anything.

Victoria was pretty confident they’d get their conversation now.

 

After classes, Victoria sat down plainly in her computer chair and unlocked her computer to start on some homework.

She usually had about half an hour before Chloe would barge in and demand attention, like an excitable dog or needy cat or something, so she had to make the most of this time to keep atop her studies.

It was whatever.

Victoria was a fast worker, and Chloe was a wonderful de-stresser.

After she had a little bit of cuddling Victoria could go back to her work anyway, and just have Chloe in the room kind of as background ambience.

Sort of like how Taylor or Nathan would, earlier.

That was nice, too.

Chloe suddenly barged into her room without knocking, which hardly even registered as an offense anymore, and collapsed onto her bed face first.

Victoria spared her a look but didn’t get up quite yet, just contently tapping away at her computer.

Chloe groaned and turned her face to look at her girlfriend.

“C’mere.”

Victoria hummed pleasantly.

“Or I could not.”

She smirked and chuckled playfully, seeing Chloe obviously pout of the corner of her eye.

“I act all nice and romantic ‘n shit and this is how you repay me?”

Victoria scoffed loudly.

“You _interrupted_ _my class_ to do that, though. And then stuck an annoying favor on me, to top it off.”

Chloe just shrugged and pushed herself up from her pathetic laying position to sit on the edge of Victoria’s bed.

“Um. How’d that … go?”

She had this tenderness to her voice again, which seemed to be more of a habit when talking about Max than anything intentional, and Victoria didn’t quite know how to parse it.

Still, it inspired some measure of pity in her, so she sighed, stood up from her computer chair, and walked over to stand in front of her girlfriend.

Her arms had been crossed the second she stood but she broke an arm away to cup at Chloe’s chin and stroke affectionately, lovingly at it.

Chloe didn’t really need any more motivation to look up at her girlfriend, but she certainly wasn’t complaining about the tactically-deployed affection.

After a second or two of this, Victoria absent-mindedly moved her thumb up to Chloe’s lips, which was a mistake.

Chloe got an obnoxious grin on her face, suddenly, and opened her mouth to take the thumb in her mouth, emitting a faked but needy moan and ---

 _Ugh_ \---

Victoria blushed and huffed and lowered the hand to forcefully shove Chloe onto her back, onto the bed.

Chloe giggled and fell back easily.

Partially to hide her blush, and partially to just be closer to her, Victoria perched down on the side of the bed just adjacent to Chloe’s legs.

Chloe wasn’t satisfied by this, though, suddenly sitting right back up a bit too quickly and wrapping her arms around Victoria.

Victoria squeaked but was dragged down into a laying position with her giggly smashy girlfriend’s warmth around her.

And it was whatever.

Nice.

Chloe was the big to her little spoon now, and Victoria was content to close her eyes and relax into the affection and warmth.

And Chloe’s smell.

After a second or two, though,

“So … Max?”

Victoria was far too relaxed to do much other than barely shrug.

Her eyes had long-since been closed.

“She’ll talk to you. Soon.”

Chloe moved one of her hands to Victoria’s belly, then snaked it under the shirt to rub at skin directly.

It wasn’t suggestive, just idle warmth and affection, and Victoria honestly loved it, even if it ruffled her clothes a little.

“Yeah …? How soon is ‘soon’?”

Victoria hummed thoughtfully.

“It’s … a surprise.”

Chloe blinked, then hesitated, then got a grin again, though she was far too relaxed herself to do much more than exhale harshly into Victoria’s hair.

“Are you teasing me, Chase?”

Victoria’s smile got a bit wider.

“What if I am, Price? What are you going to do about it?”

Chloe’s hand started to travel a bit lower –

Victoria’s breathing hitched and she bit at her lip –

Chloe’s voice got all low and seductive and Victoria didn’t even bother to hide how much she enjoyed it –

“I’m going to fucking tear you apart.”

Victoria turned herself around so they were facing one another, brought both of her hands up to cup at Chloe’s face forcefully, and kiss her in a similar way.

This always left Chloe blushing and a little breathless, which always left Victoria grinning smugly, proud of being able to disarm her a little.

Chloe’s hand even paused with the kiss.

“You’re all talk and no show. Shut up and finger me already.”

Chloe just grinned and moved her hand lower still.

Victoria fully closed her eyes and started her forceful making out with her girlfriend.

Chloe had to feel her little bites to her lip and neck and the way Victoria’s still-too-fucking-long nails raked along random parts of her body.

But it was nice.

Chloe liked it when Victoria got a little bossy and controlling.

It made it feel like Victoria really wanted her, which was a deeply satisfying feeling that persisted long after the marks left on her body faded.

 

Mercifully, that afternoon was enough to keep Chloe from interrupting any more of her classes.

Chloe trusted Victoria on this.

And each afternoon with each other was just … nice.

A nice distraction from everything else going on.

Or maybe something more.

Thinking about that made Victoria nervous, though, so she didn’t.

 

Friday night, Victoria and Chloe already had a few drinks in them.

Victoria stood on the far side of the room watching over the rest of the party with her arms crossed, and Chloe stood by her side with her arm resting on one of Victoria’s shoulders.

They were far enough from the DJ and the massive speakers to be able to hold a conversation, at least.

They both had some beer in their hands.

Victoria took a sip, and her face never stopped scrunching up from the shit flavor.

Chloe found it the cutest thing in the world, though, always grinning obnoxiously at Victoria’s inability to handle beer.

“Babe, you can drink a literal pool full of vodka – geddit, pool full of liquor then ‘ya diiiiiiiiiive in? – but some s-shitty beer makes you go all ‘bleh’.”

Victoria just scoffed and rolled her eyes.

She took another sip of her shit beer and looked at her obnoxious girlfriend sidelong.

“ _Actual_ alcohol I can drink easily. Not thisssssshit. This is what … what middle schoolers drink. Or somethin’.”

Chloe giggled.

“Whatever you say, babeeeeee.”

Victoria uncrossed her arms just so she could elbow Chloe, who just giggled some more.

“ _Anyway_. Which sssssmartass do you … you think made the DJ play ‘Same Love’?”

Chloe rested her head on Victoria’s shoulder.

“Unno. Thought it wassss cute.”

Victoria huffed.

“It _wasn’t_ … cute. Someone was making a fucking … fucking joke. Of me.”

It was Chloe’s turn to roll her eyes.

She moved her face a bit closer to Victoria’s neck to place a gentle, albeit sloppy kiss on her neck.

Victoria sighed pleasantly and closed her eyes.

“I think … you’re reading too much into things … how many drinks before you … _relax_ , mmm …?”

Rather unsubtly, Chloe stood up straight, snaked her free arm around and tugged Victoria – who emitted a little squeak – into her side.

Victoria grumbled indignantly but wasn’t about to refuse Chloe’s affections.

Especially not when drunk.

“It’s just … someone’s … _got_ to have a problem with me being … y’know. Gay.”

Chloe shrugged and just rubbed pleasantly at Victoria’s side.

“Think more people will have a problem with … with you being a huge bitch.”

Victoria used her free hand to spank playfully at Chloe’s belly, which she happily accepted with an obnoxious grin.

“Sssseriously though … fuck it. Not … worth your time.”

Victoria just sighed.

“It’s not that easy … Chloe …”

Chloe kissed at Victoria’s hair, which earned another indignant sound.

“It can be. Jussss’ try. You’ll feel … good.”

Victoria frowned, but considered.

What _if_ she simply stopped caring about what others thought of her?

A dangerous sort of thought.

Chloe suddenly pushed herself off of Victoria.

“That’s Max.”

Victoria just watched her go with a little huff.

But the whole point was to get them to talk, anyway.

So.

Whatever.

 

Chloe had mastered the art of moving quickly in her heeled boots while drunk, and so effortlessly made her way through the party goers to intercept Max.

There was … a lot, that Chloe wanted to say to her, but she was kind of drunk right now and her priorities were shuffled around.

Plus, she was just all happy and giddy from teasing Victoria and being around her so much, and didn’t want to tank her mood by having some kind of really difficult conversation about why Max kept her at arm’s-length for so long.

So, instead, when she stopped right in front of her, Chloe was just grinning, and she dumbly shoved her bottle of beer into Max’s hands.

“Drink ‘n come on, hippy!”

Max was a blinking mess, but had no choice but to have Chloe take her hand and tug her more towards the dance floor.

This … wasn’t really what Max was expecting.

But she was smiling as she was tugged along.

Other than the fact she was in a crowd of strangers, this felt like just when they were younger.

Max decided to go along with it, sip Chloe’s beer, even if it tasted quite bad, and watch her dance on the dance floor.

And even get tugged onto it, after she finished her beer and Chloe felt silly dancing without Max.

Drunk Chloe was kind of endearing.

 

While Chloe and Max danced, and Victoria watched from afar, a very drunk Nathan appeared and slumped his face into her shoulder with a miserable-sounding groan.

She sighed and righted him to be standing, though he was still a little wobbly and unsteady.

“Heyyyy … beautiful.”

Victoria sighed again, more wearily this time.

“You’re drunk.”

Nathan scoffed.

“Nu uh. _You’re_ drunk. I’m … fuckin’ … fine.”

Victoria closed her eyes and shook her head slowly.

“You should probably … probably go home and resssst.”

Nathan scoffed.

“Only if you come with meeeee.”

Victoria frowned and slapped at his belly, and he reacted a few seconds too late with a tired groan.

“ _Nathan._ ”

He grinned, stupidly, and shrugged.

“Not like … mnh, _that_. I jus … wanna talk, Vicky. We never do … anymore …”

His voice wavered between playful and hurt and Victoria didn’t like hearing it one bit.

She then hesitated, and bit her lip, looking back to Chloe dancing with Max for a few moments.

She really did want to real talk with Nathan some more …

Even if he was drunk off his ass, maybe that’s what it’d take to get him over their past and allow them to reconnect.

Maybe they could have a nice night.

Maybe she could reconnect meaningfully like Chloe was doing with Max, right now.

She looked back to Nathan.

“Okay. Come on, you … you drunk idiot. Let’ssss talk.”

Nathan smiled.

 

Later on, after Chloe had danced herself out and had no more beers, while Max had a few and barely danced at all, Chloe tugged her by hand outside, to escape the loud music and curious patrons.

Max was still happy to have Chloe tug her along like this, leading to some other adventure, even if this one was more of an escape from one than anything else.

But it was nice.

Outside the air was cool and fresh and didn’t contain the twangs of alcohol and weed that permeated the club air inside.

Chloe broke her hand away from Max so that she could rest her back against a wall and slowly fall down onto her ass.

Max smiled and sat down pleasantly and crossed-legged in front of her, still sipping her third? fourth? beer.

They got easier to drink the more she had, and it was easier to deal with all of the crazy people around her this way.

Plus, it just made her … happier. Less anxious.

It was a nice diffuse feeling of everything going right.

Chloe panted and breathed heavily as she tried to recover from her exhausting dancing.

Unlike Max, she put a lot into her dancing, moving a lot of her body and jumping up and down and just having a fucking good time.

But it did mean it took a lot out of her.

Max was content to just sit and watch her pant, though, since it was nice to just have Chloe around again, even if they hadn’t said many words to each other, yet.

Finally, after too long, Chloe sat up straight and rested flatly against the wall.

She kicked one foot forward and pulled one back a bit so one knee was flush against the ground and the other was at an angle.

Then, she looked to Max, and swiped her beer to finish it off in one swig.

Max blinked, but allowed Chloe this anyway.

Afterwards, Chloe exhaled harshly and put the beer bottle down, looking back to Max.

“Hey …”

Max smiled, gently.

“Hey yourself.”

Chloe giggled.

Max giggled, too, and it felt good to giggle.

It feels good just to feel good.

But …

Chloe wasn’t all smiles.

And her brain wasn’t all happy.

After a second or two processing, she frowned a little.

“So …”

Max blinked, and realized the tone of the conversation was changing.

She shifted around a little uncomfortably but kept her eye contact with Chloe.

“Um … yeah?”

Chloe sighed.

“Five yearsssss is a … long time.”

Fuck, this was a weird conversation to have drunk.

But at the same time, it was easier to have it drunk?

Chloe kind of didn’t care if it went sideways and she knew that was completely because of how drunk she was, but still, the feeling was liberating.

Max would probably have this easier while a little drunk herself.

Max sighed, and looked down.

“Yeah … I’m … ssssoorrrryyy, Chloe.”

Chloe tried to suppress a giggle, since Max was kind of cute when she was drunk.

But she couldn’t, and giggled anyway.

“Mmnnh. Why? What’d … what’d I do?”

She scooted up until she was on her knees, looming over Max.

It made her a little closer physically.

Max blinked and looked up to the still very-drunk Chloe.

“No, Chloe, ummm … It was me … not you.”

Chloe frowned and crossed her arms.

“How can that … be? Iungeddit.”

Max sighed herself, getting up from her cross-legged position to mirror Chloe on her knees.

They were closer still.

Chloe watched her get up, and offered a hand.

Max hesitated, but took it.

They both breathed a bit easier with the touch.

“Chloe you’re … every bit asssss amazing as I remember. I just … I’m a dumb idiot or ssssomething. An asshole. I don’t know but I ---”

Max looked away and back to Chloe, frowning slightly.

“I never wanted to … _hurt_ you … or anything …”

Chloe bit her lip and considered Max’s words.

A little difficult, since she was drunk off her ass, but …

They were reassuring, in a way.

If Max was being genuine, then it wasn’t her fault that Max left her.

Victoria being her girlfriend and reassuring her self-worth more often made it easier to believe there was something genuinely awesome about her.

At least she was good at sex, she knew that much.

Ugh, weird thoughts.

Chloe shook her head and broke her hand away from Max’s so that she could hug her, instead.

Max sighed contently and rested her head on Chloe’s chest.

Eventually, she returned the hug, and they just stayed like that for a little bit.

Chloe wanted a compelling reason.

Something that made Max into a good person, and Chloe into an overreacting idiot.

Something that made the world simple, and easy to understand.

But maybe the world was going to frustrate that desire for a simple reason.

Maybe Max didn’t have any good, convincing reasons.

Maybe she was just a less good person than Chloe remembered …

Maybe Chloe wasn’t going to forgive her about this.

She didn’t know.

But she sure liked Max in her arms, like this, and she hoped they shared more nights like this.

Hopefully with less difficult conversations at the end.

Did that make her pathetic for accepting Max into her life again so quickly?

Maybe Max would be more convincing when they were sober.

Chloe was suddenly very tired, and broke away from the hug to unevenly stand up with a little wobble.

“Let’s go crash in your room.”

Max looked up with a smile.

“Okay … Victoria won’t mind?”

Chloe scoffed dangerously and rolled her eyes.

“Not unless you’re … plannin’ on sexin’ me up or … ssssomething. I’ll crash on your … couch. _Um_. You have one … right?”

Max blushed and looked away.

“Yeah.”

Chloe giggled.

“C’mon, then.”

 

There was a narrative in Victoria’s mind that she was never perfect enough.

There was a narrative in Chloe’s mind that she was never worth anything.

But as Nathan drunkenly cried in Victoria’s arms, she had to seriously reevaluate that narrative.

But as Max and Chloe started to patch things up and catch up in Max’s room, she had to seriously reevaluate that narrative.

Was this the effect Chloe had on Victoria, and Victoria on Chloe?

It was hard to say.

Chloe was just happy she had her best friend back, even if there was some distrust and awkwardness that still needed to be worked through, with time.

Victoria was just happy she had her best friend back, even if there was some distrust and awkwardness that still needed to be worked through, with time.

Despite any tears that fell, or painfully raw dunk confessions made, it was a happy night.

And the four of them slept peacefully.

Things were just okay, for once.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Victoria discuss holiday plans.
> 
> Victoria deals with her father.
> 
> Chloe deals with LA.
> 
> Chloe calls up Max.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Notice: Transphobia
> 
> Also, :(

There was a paradoxical unfairness to how things felt worse when they were, objectively, getting better.

Chloe had this vague sense of dread that somehow, someway, this would all come crashing and burning down soon enough, and while waking up next to Victoria and being able to just shove her face into her girlfriend’s blonde hair and just _sniff_ and _enjoy_ her being _right there_ was tremendously reassuring, it didn’t silence all doubts.

It didn’t end all nightmares.

It didn’t stop Chloe from thinking about her future.

And if Victoria would be in it, someway.

The days and weeks started to tick by at a pretty regular place, but it felt too fast.

They didn’t drink _every_ night, but certainly most, and that made things easier, too.

Chloe spent so little time at her house she rarely got into fights with David, anymore, which was also nice.

And she didn’t really get into fights with Victoria, either.

They had squabbles, but since they were already so used to disagreeing and contradicting one another, they actually had a reasonably efficient way of working through those disagreements.

It was … something.

Something that scared Chloe to think about too much.

Because it reminded her of something she wanted to forget.

 

By the time the winter break rolled around, Chloe woke up next to Victoria, again.

She woke up with a small gasp and blinked her eyes.

She’d been having more dreams, lately, and not the good kind.

They usually involved Rachel or her father – sometimes both – and they usually made her wake up in a bit of panic.

But it was easier not to panic when Victoria was right there, and her smell was so close, and her body was so warm, and the bed was so comforting.

Instead, Chloe just closed her eyes and buried her face into her girlfriend’s hair, something which she desperately loved to do on these lazy mornings.

And she breathed in, slowly, deeply.

They slept in a variety of positions, but usually close and not touching.

Chloe decided to rectify that by inching a bit closer and spooning the still-sleeping Victoria.

One of her hands came to play on Victoria’s side, just rubbing idly.

She always slept in these fancy night gowns that looked far too expensive for something that only herself and one other person would be privy too.

But Chloe wasn’t complaining.

Victoria looked amazing in them.

She looked amazing, generally.

Happy, distracting thought.

It put a slight smile on her face and allowed her to stop thinking about whatever shit her dream brought up.

Chloe’s movements however slight still did cause Victoria to stir with a heavier-than-usual exhale.

She didn’t like being woken up, but, if she had to be, being woken up by affection from her girlfriend was the least obnoxious way to do so.

“I’m surprised you’re up this early.”

It came with a small yawn and a cute little stretch.

Chloe shrugged vaguely.

“Had a dream.”

Her voice sounded a little too dry.

Victoria frowned and sighed, even though Chloe couldn’t see it.

“About your dad again?”

Chloe shrugged again.

“Something like that. Doesn’t matter. I don’t want to think about it.”

Victoria sighed, more wearily this time, and turned around to place a gentle kiss on Chloe’s lips.

They stared at each other easily and plainly during the few moments following that kiss.

Victoria hesitated.

“I think you need closure.”

Chloe scoffed, a little.

“I can’t _get_ closure, Vicky.”

Victoria frowned.

It wasn’t Chloe’s fault that Rachel and her Dad both left her, but it was her fault for dwelling on it so damn much.

It’d been years since Chloe’s dad died and months since Rachel disappeared.

Even longer since Max started to ignore her.

Chloe didn’t get over any of those things, really, and Victoria wasn’t sure if she ever could.

Hell, Max was even back in her life now, and Victoria was still pretty sure Chloe brought up the radio silence from time to time.

She just couldn’t let go.

“You could, if you stopped blaming him for leaving you.”

Chloe frowned a miserable and frustrated thing, and removed her hand from Victoria’s side to inch away just barely and have some friendly distance between them.

“I can’t. _Someone’s_ gotta be responsible for how much of a fuckup I am.”

Victoria groaned and closed her eyes, melting more into the bed and considering just dropping this topic.

Chloe was very difficult to talk to about it and it was just way too damn early in the morning for this kind of stuff.

But …

She’d been putting off pushing Chloe on this for _so_ long.

Months.

If not now, then when?

Victoria shook her head slightly.

“Chloe. No one of a sane persuasion blames you for changing after Max, your Dad, Rachel … all leaving you alone. But … it’s been years. You need to …”

Victoria bit her lip, and couldn’t finish the sentence.

Chloe just grumbled.

“Grow up. Yeah. Right. I’ll get right on that.”

She then sat herself up and started to worm her way off the bed.

Victoria sighed, and watched her go.

“ _Chloe_. Please.”

Chloe paused when she had settled on the edge of Victoria’s bed, just about to launch herself up into a standing position.

There was just … something, in Victoria’s voice.

Kind of needy, a little desperate, a little hurt.

Victoria flopped her face back onto her pillow, looking away from Chloe.

“I don’t want you to go. It just … _hurts_ to see you get more and more hurt thinking about this stuff.”

Chloe frowned, but didn’t know what to say.

Usually when people tried to explain her wasted potential to her, it was framed in a way more selfish to her own interests, or that she owed others something.

Chloe could be so much more if she tried, they said.

Chloe had no right to be upset, there was so much more of the world to see, they said.

Chloe owed it to her family to be something more than this, they said.

No one ever said ‘it hurts me when you behave like this’.

Even Rachel mostly avoided the conversations, probably in some attempt to avoid upsetting Chloe or something.

After a few seconds of consideration, Chloe slumped forward miserably and sighed wearily.

“I don’t know, Vic. I can’t just … get over it.”

Quiet.

It was kind of painful.

Victoria sat herself up and inched over to Chloe’s side to sit down adjacent to her, frowning a little.

“Have you even tried.”

The words came eventually, though not without considerable pause.

Chloe looked over to her with a frown herself.

“What?”

Victoria scoffed and crossed her arms.

She spared Chloe a look for a few seconds but mostly looked straight ahead, to her wall.

“Have you even tried to get over stuff? Like … For starters … You’re still pissy at Max.”

Chloe scoffed and looked ahead as Victoria did.

“Are you telling me I shouldn’t be?”

Victoria shrugged.

“Is it doing you any good to keep holding it over her head?”

Chloe thought about it, but didn’t have a good reply ready.

It took her a few moments before she forced words out.

“I don’t know.”

They both frowned a bit more.

Victoria opened her mouth, but ---

“I just --- doesn’t it make me … kinda pathetic?”

Chloe looked over to Victoria.

Victoria looked over to Chloe.

“Pathetic?”

Chloe nodded.

“To just … let her back into my life, with … no reminders or … nothing.”

Chloe had this tender and halting quality to her voice that Victoria didn’t hear too often.

She always projected this macho, tough aura, and even if it cracked some times, it usually wasn’t intentional on Chloe’s behalf to let it slip.

Here, though, she was being so raw that Victoria felt obligated to raise a hand up and rub at Chloe’s shoulder – Victoria didn’t know exactly why she felt obligated, or how she knew where to place her hand, but … Chloe needed some comfort, damn it.

Chloe for her part sighed at the affection, and leaned more into Victoria’s side.

They both looked forward again.

“I mean you can still be a bitch to her about it. Just … don’t let it eat away at you.”

Chloe emitted an amused sound and shook her head slowly.

“Only _you_ would tell me to be a bitch.”

Victoria rolled her eyes, but she could hear how endeared Chloe’s voice was.

Still, she playfully smacked at the same shoulder she’d been rubbing before the hand resumed its attentions.

“But … I’m being serious. No one wanted to hurt you, Chloe. It just … happened.”

Chloe closed her eyes and let out a deeply pained but therapeutic groan.

She raised her hands up to press her palms against her eyes and flopped backwards onto the bed.

Victoria more carefully laid down beside her and started to lovingly rub at her belly instead of a shoulder, sort of tucked into her side.

“It’s not fair. This should be … so simple. Max ignored me for years. I shouldn’t _want_ to take her back fully. It’s … _ugh_. Why me? Why all of this shit?”

Victoria kissed at Chloe’s neck and playfully bit at the kiss mark afterwards to get a little surprised sound out of Chloe.

“But you _do_ want to take her back. Despite everything.”

It wasn’t a question.

Chloe hesitated and brought her hands down to tug her girlfriend more positively into her side, but kept her eyes closed tightly.

“… yeah.”

Another kiss.

Chloe exhaled calmly, deeply.

A thought suddenly occurred.

“Did um, things get better with Nathan?”

Victoria smiled a little bit and nodded.

“We had some … difficult conversations, but … I think he just needed time. To realize … I’m not perfect.”

Despite everything, Chloe couldn’t help a small grin.

“The great Victoria Chase isn’t perfect? _Say it ain’t so_.”

Victoria rolled her eyes and slapped at Chloe’s belly, who just giggled gently in response.

“ _Shut up_. Max isn’t perfect either, y’know. Bitch can barely even dress herself and talk without stammering every other word.”

Victoria didn’t know exactly why she was defending Max, of all people, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

And it just so happened that defending Max and insulting her were one in the same, right now, so, that helped.

“Yeah … she’s such a fucking dork.”

Chloe spoke in an obviously-endeared way, though, which had Victoria pursing her lips.

She snuck her hand underneath Chloe’s oversized worn-out tee that functioned as her night gown to rub at her belly directly.

Chloe made gentle pleased sounds at the continued affection, which Victoria fucking loved to bits.

“Are you still crushing on her?”

Chloe grunted.

“I … don’t think you want to talk about this?”

Victoria shrugged.

“I don’t want to live in some fucking fantasy land where you stop thinking about women just because you’re with me.”

Chloe exhaled, amused, and slowly shook her head.

“Well … when you put it like that … I mean, yeah. A little bit. She can be cute sometimes.”

Chloe brought her hand over to rub at Victoria’s back, and Victoria just melted into Chloe’s side fully, with her eyes closed and breathing gently cascading down Chloe’s neck variously.

“Sometimes. When she’s not being useless and dumb.”

Chloe just shrugged, somehow with the idea that Victoria found Max cute sometimes too totally slipping right by her.

“She’s not useless _or_ dumb. Just …”

Chloe trailed off with a small frown.

Victoria kissed at her neck again.

“Just what?”

Chloe breathed in deeply, and Victoria felt her chest rise and fall.

“I don’t know. I feel like she could be such a badass if she tried, sometimes. I feel like I’m the only one who sees that, though …”

Victoria hummed thoughtfully.

“She could be a really good photographer if she put herself out there. And stopped shooting on cameras from one-hundred fucking years ago.”

Chloe had another amused sound.

“You keep talking about her like that and I’m going to start thinking you’re crushing on her too.”

Victoria rolled her eyes, even though they were closed.

“For your sake, I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

Still, it was … nice, for Chloe, to be able to talk about this kind of stuff freely with someone.

She figured Victoria might be a bit jealous, but … maybe Chloe’s very-dramatic and overt way of expressing her affection just didn’t leave room for Victoria to be insecure about how much Chloe cared for her.

Plus …

“What about Nathan, anyway? Are you still crushing on him?”

Victoria went quiet for a while, and sighed slowly into Chloe’s neck.

“Yeah. I guess so. He can be cute sometimes, too.”

Chloe had herself a small little grin at helping Victoria through that part of her life, but, still.

“Even though he’s an asshole sometimes?”

Victoria scoffed.

“ _Especially_ because he’s an asshole sometimes. That’s my type, in case you haven’t fucking noticed.”

Chloe laughed, honestly and earnestly, and it felt good to.

Victoria was smiling, too, and enjoyed hearing Chloe be so happy.

“Plus … I think he’s an asshole looking for a chance to prove he’s not.”

Chloe made a thoughtful sound.

Is that what Rachel saw in him, too?

Is that why Nathan was kind of nice to Chloe, months ago, when she was fucking falling apart?

It wasn’t something that squared nicely in Chloe’s mind, but it was reassuring in a way that he wasn’t _only_ an asshole, if he was going to be so close to Victoria.

Victoria suddenly groaned.

“Ugh, but I’m kind of worried he’s going to come back from winter break a little … tense, after dealing with his family.”

Chloe blinked.

Topic change, but a topical topic.

She had her own thoughts and concerns, here, and cleared her throat.

“Speaking of someone going to visit shit family for a while … um, what are _we_ going to do?”

Victoria blinked herself.

It was … kind of weird to think about them making plans together, since Chloe was … Chloe, and probably allergic to planning.

Maybe this was just Victoria’s influence on her to make her care about her future, even if it was only a few days in advance.

Or maybe this was Chloe being selfish and just worried she wouldn’t have herself a girl to snuggle when she got down for however long.

Whatever her reasoning, Victoria shrugged a little.

“Um, well …”

She bit her lip.

“You are … definitely not coming with me to Seattle.”

Chloe huffed.

“Definitely not?”

Victoria nodded gently.

“Definitely not.”

Chloe frowned, since that was a request for elaboration, not confirmation.

“Why ‘definitely not’?”

Victoria grunted.

“I’m not showing _anyone_ to my dad until they’ve put a ring on my finger and they’re willing to accept all of the bullshit that comes with being my wife and dealing my family.”

Chloe hummed thoughtfully.

“If I had the money … I would.”

Victoria went quiet for a few seconds, then groaned.

She slapped at whatever part of Chloe’s body her hand was on and lifted herself up from her comfy spot in her girlfriend’s side to just _look_ at her.

For once both of their eyes were open.

“Don’t joke about that shit.”

Chloe frowned.

“Who says I was joking?”

Victoria’s face cycled through a few expressions – shock, concern, anger? – before she huffed, sat up, and inched over to the edge of the bed again.

Didn’t seem like a good sign, which put a frown on Chloe’s face.

“Chloe …”

And Victoria sounded so distraught, too.

Chloe sighed.

She sat up and looked at Victoria’s back, while Victoria sat on the edge of her bed.

“I didn’t want to like … obligate you or anything. I’m not proposing. Just … saying I would. And I don’t give a shit however fucking awful your dad is. Can’t be worse than step-shit, and I’ve got a _lot_ of experience ---”

Victoria snapped her look back to Chloe, suddenly, and Victoria was frowning.

“--- You _don’t_ know what it’s like. Shut up. He’s not some … _idiotic_ security guard you can just blow off and smoke weed in front of and blare loud punk music ---”

Chloe frowned, herself, and crossed her arms.

“--- I have literally _never_ played punk music in front of you --- why does _everyone_ keep calling it that ---”

Victoria groaned mightily and closed her eyes, looking up to the ceiling while tightly and viciously closing her hands by her sides.

Of course _that’s_ the thing Chloe would focus on.

The two were quiet, for a few painful seconds.

Chloe had learned by now to not push Victoria too much when she was getting this visibly angry, and Victoria had learned much the same.

Sometimes they just needed a few seconds to cool off.

So that’s what they did, and eventually Victoria turned around on the bed to face Chloe, breathing more easily and with her fists less clenched.

“Chloe.”

Her voice was gentle, and she wasn’t able to keep eye contact.

She just crossed her arms and looked at some part of her bed.

Chloe sighed.

“Yeah?”

She tried to make her voice gentle, too.

“I know you can’t understand what it’s like. I don’t blame you for that. It’s just … I need his approval. My career … _my whole_ _life_ depends on it … And it won’t come if he knows I’m in a relationship with a woman. With you.”

She looked up to get some eye contact with Chloe, though her face was somber and dower.

“Sorry. But he just … can’t.”

Chloe frowned.

“So … what? I’m a dirty secret then? For the rest of our lives?”

Victoria scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Yes, Chloe, you’re _definitely_ a dirty secret that everyone on fucking campus knows about.”

Chloe frowned more deeply and shook her head.

“You know what I mean.”

Chloe had learned how to cut through some of Victoria’s deflecting by now, too.

Victoria frowned, too.

She looked away from Chloe.

It took her a while to figure out an answer, and it wasn’t satisfying to either of them.

“I don’t know.”

Chloe sighed.

All her life, she was refused simple, easy relationships.

Rachel was … Rachel.

Max left her for years and probably couldn’t be trusted again.

And now Victoria, despite everything they had gone through, once again insisted on being her dad’s little slave, so eager for his approval she might throw away this relationship.

Chloe just couldn’t understand how this was so deeply ingrained …

 

…

 

… what if her dad wanted the same?

 

It was a weird sort of thought that made her frown more deep, and she wanted to get rid of it, but she just couldn’t, and so she got up from the bed with a groan, not realizing it probably made her reaction to Victoria’s news look even worse than she intended.

Victoria blinked and watched her get up.

“Um … if you’re going to … y’know … you probably want some clothes on.”

Chloe spared her a look, still trying to deal with this horrid thought in her mind – what if her dad insisted she not be like that with Rachel? Max? Victoria? How fucking –

“Yeah I got it. _Thanks_.”

She went over to Victoria’s closet to pick out some of the clothes she kept in here.

Victoria huffed and frowned, but this coldness felt a little deserved.

Chloe kind of awkwardly stripped and redressed right there, not at all caring if Victoria watched, but, feeling super weird about everything she’d been thinking about.

When she was about halfway done, Victoria cleared her throat.

“To … answer your question. I’m leaving tonight, and I’ll be staying there for a while. If you want my room … feel free.”

Chloe sighed, and finished putting on her tank to look over at Victoria.

“I think I need some time to think about everything. I don’t know if I want to be in here for that.”

Chloe genuinely honestly didn’t know if she could handle Victoria keeping Chloe out of her life in that way, if they were going to be long term.

And she was so ready to propose too, like, ugh.

Fucking.

Fuck.

Victoria felt more drained at the continued coldness, but … it still felt deserved, so she just slumped more forward with a weary sigh.

“Um … right, of course. Well …”

She looked down to the floor while Chloe put on her jacket, then up by the time she had finished.

“… how about you spend this time in LA?”

Chloe paused in her dressing and blinked only about a million times.

“In LA?”

Victoria crossed her arms and looked away from Chloe, to one of her walls.

“Yeah. I could get you … I don’t know, a plane ticket or something. Then you could get some closure on Rachel while you’re out there. Or just … have the space you need … to think.”

Chloe continued to blink.

Victoria seemed like she had been thinking about this.

And Chloe kind of was too?

It felt weird to think about fucking off to LA just to convince herself either Rachel wasn’t there or if she was she simply didn’t care about Chloe anymore, but, it felt like that part of her had to change now that she and Victoria were so close.

But maybe the way to deal with this wasn’t to keep pretending it wasn’t a huge deal and let it consume her.

Maybe the way to deal with this was to tackle it head on.

Like she wanted to, before.

“I … would appreciate that a lot, honestly.”

Victoria smiled, a little, and looked back to Chloe.

They shared a gentle smile for a few seconds.

The silence was thick, but not too awkward, or at least, not as awkward as it could have been, given how poorly their last conversation just ended.

“What will you do if she’s there …? Or if she’s not?”

Chloe breathed in deep, closed her eyes, and resumed dressing, now putting on her boots.

“If she’s there, she has about five seconds to explain herself before I punch her the fuck out. If she’s not … maybe I can say at least I tried. I … don’t know.”

Chloe had been operating on the assumption that Rachel was _definitely_ in LA, somewhere around Santa Monica, just like they always dreamed and talked about.

She didn’t let herself think about what would happen if she wasn’t there, since it would have been devastating to Chloe on a level she didn’t even want to fathom.

But … with Victoria in her life, now, and Max too, who knows.

Victoria sighed.

“Okay, well. As much as the bitch deserves a punch to the face … try and not get yourself arrested.”

It was a little playful, and Chloe finished dressing with a slight smile.

“No promises.”

Victoria exhaled, amused.

“I’m _not_ bailing you out.”

Chloe grinned a bit wider.

“You totally would, though.”

Victoria groaned painfully and rolled her eyes.

“… maybe I would.”

Chloe thought about teasing her further, in that playful way she always did, but instead she got a bit more sober.

Her voice lost all playful edge, and just had some genuine honest gentleness for once.

“… and then, after you yelled at me for like … an hour, or something … we could go walk on some of the piers. Eat some terrible food. Watch the sunset go down. Listen to the obnoxious seagulls. Kiss where everyone can see, while the sun starts to fade and all we want to look at is each other.”

Victoria took in the words with no uncertain amount of blinking.

“That’s … _gorgeous_ , Chloe.”

She sounded breathless, in some kind of awe.

Chloe smiled, barely.

“Rachel could always … get me lost in these stories of hers. She could paint a picture so well with her words. I think a little bit of it rubbed off.”

Victoria closed her eyes.

“I guess Rachel wasn’t the worst thing in the world, then.”

Chloe continued to smile, knowing how to understand Victoria’s incredibly faint praise by now.

“She really wasn’t.”

 

It was a pleasant-enough thought for the both of them for that little while.

Chloe still wanted time to piece everything together and figure out what her life was going to be.

 

The airport was a confusing, frustrating mess.

Victoria all-but kicked her out of her room with plenty of time to spare just because there was something of a ride to the airport and then you were supposed to arrive early on top of that.

It was whatever.

Chloe hated waking up early, but it was a means to an end.

She was going to be in LA in a few precious hours.

So all the annoyances of spending all of last night packing and dealing with the absurdly long lines of people and crowded terminals were kind of worth it, in a way.

Not like Chloe was happy in the moment-to-moment, with screaming babies one side of her and inconsiderate tourists on the other, but.

She could just close her eyes and imagine it.

And things would be okay.

 

The airplane ride was short and quick; Chloe spent more time in the airport and getting to it than actually in the air.

But that just meant she had plenty of the day left to explore the city and get her digs.

Victoria gave her a little bit of spending money as part of her not-sincere-but-retroactively-so promise to get Chloe to LA to find Rachel if she hadn’t gotten over her in some period of months.

Chloe still hadn’t, really.

She was always somewhere in Chloe’s mind, just some days she was more in the back than in the front.

Increasingly so with more time spent around Victoria.

 

Victoria, for her part, already knew she was going to _hate_ domestic flights, especially over the holidays, but this was a short one, so, whatever.

She didn’t need to pack like Chloe did since she was going home and she had plenty of stuff there, she just had to suffer through the airport.

And suffer she did.

Everything was so loud and _criminally_ inefficient.

So many people, so many judging stares.

Victoria didn’t even have the luxury of being happy going to where she was going.

All she had was a deep, inescapable sense of dread.

 

But she got there soon enough, and a ride was waiting for her to take her to the Chase family mansion.

Not her family, of course.

That’d be too considerate and caring.

Whatever.

 

Victoria took her damn ride home and met pleasantly with her damn family and sat in her damn room and just stewed.

She was going to see, over dinner, if her father’s attitude had become any more progressive over the time Victoria had spent away.

It was almost 2014.

That had to count for something, right?

Ugh.

Victoria knew she was lying to herself again, and she fucking hated it.

 

Over dinner, Victoria only reiterated to herself what she already knew.

She didn’t like her family.

Being nice to them was a polite obligation that felt more and more impossibly draining the older she got.

She had some sisters, but they were far too young for her to relate to them meaningfully, and they were more like children she had to raise herself.

Her oldest was like half her age?

She didn’t remember much of helping to raise them, of course, but her mother was quite incessant that she had, from all of the various stories she had been told.

Victoria’s mother was probably the only one she could tolerate a conversation with, but she tended to be talking to everyone else _but_ Victoria.

Especially since some of her extended family had come over to enjoy a nice holiday meal.

A bunch of people she liked even _less_ , but at least had less social obligations to be kind towards.

So that was a plus.

 

There were other minor saving graces to this family dinner arrangement.

Victoria didn’t have to sit right next to her father, only somewhat close, and her father couldn’t be drinking heavy spirits around the extended family, only politely sipping some wine with his wife.

Victoria wasn’t allowed alcohol – nor did she even think to ask for it, since she knew what the answer would be – which sort of made this whole thing even more difficult to deal with, since alcohol had been a large part of her coping mechanism for a while now.

Her extended family wasn’t _all_ that bad.

So long as they weren’t directly talking to Victoria, they had some vaguely interesting stories and conversations about this and that.

Better than just a quiet dinner with her family alone, she supposed.

 

At some point, after he’d had a glass or three, Mr. Chase cleared his throat and looked to Victoria.

Victoria blinked and met his gaze carefully.

“So. You’re not still dating that … Emily _girl_ , are you?”

Victoria did her best not to frown, and instead gave him a politely faked laugh.

“No sir. Of course not. We never _dated_. She ---”

It felt weird to refer to him like that but what could she do –

“--- s-she was just a good friend.”

Mr. Chase made a deep approving noise with a slow nod.

“Good. Can’t have my ---”

Mrs. Chase frowned a little and leaned over to whisper something into his ear, which just made him groan.

Victoria wasn’t privy to it, but Mr. Chase’s reaction of groaning loudly and hitting his hand on the table left little doubt in her mind what the topic was about.

“--- yes, yes, yes, I _know_ the little freak wants to be called ‘ _Nathan’_ now, but that’s _not_ how the world works. You don’t just wake up and _decide_ what your biology is. It’s immutable. Part of nature. As God intended.”

Victoria closed her eyes, sighed quietly, and tried to just let it go.

Of course her father hadn’t changed.

Why would he.

Mr. Chase shook his head.

“Anyway. Enough of this … identity politics nonsense.”

Victoria blinked her eyes open.

She was only too happy to not talk about ‘identity politics’ with her father.

“I’ve gotten your report cards, Victoria … acceptable. Have you decided on a college yet? You’re graduating soon.”

Even the best possible score was just ‘acceptable’, ugh.

Victoria took another bite of her meal in a small measure of disrespect to his direct questioning, but one that she could easily explain away by having not taken a bite in a while.

It still left the topic hanging a little awkwardly while everyone else looked at the two and listened quietly.

When she finished chewing, she nodded slightly.

“Yes, sir. Somewhat. I’m split between a college around here and some Ivy League one.”

Another approving sound, which Victoria didn’t even register as a positive thing anymore.

She heard more curious and excitable mummering from her extended family, though – were they expecting something less?

It shouldn’t be news.

“You should go to an Ivy League. You would succeed, I imagine.”

Victoria closed her eyes and breathed in again.

She was a Chase.

For all the bad, and good, that implied.

“Of course, sir.”

She opened her eyes with a slight smile.

“That was my first choice as well.”

Mrs. and Mr. Chase smiled pleasantly, as Victoria did, and she head more rumblings from her extended family further down the table.

 

After dinner was over with and she helped her mother clean some of the dishes – a chore she desperately hated – she spirited herself away to her room, locked herself in it, and just cried on her bed for a while.

There was no long-term future for her and Chloe so long as her father was in the picture.

There just wasn’t.

 

After some crying, and spiraling, she stopped to wonder what Chloe was doing, now.

Probably getting some bar fight or something.

Or maybe by some miracle, she had found Rachel, and was getting closure?

That was a nice, happy thought.

No matter how fucked Victoria was in all of this, at least she could help Chloe be a bit less damaged by the time they had to split.

She could help someone, for once.

The thought is what she needed as she closed her eyes and tried to go to bed early.

Random little thoughts about Chloe’s endearing attitude just left her smiling gently as she dozed off.

What was Chloe doing?

 

Chloe’s first day in LA was hectic, unsurprisingly.

She only had the money to rent out a tiny little room on Airbnb for the while she was there, and it was surprising that there were still any rooms left so late and so close to the holidays.

She didn’t have a lot of crap to unpack and she didn’t have a lot of words to say to the people she was going to be living with.

They barely had so much as a ‘hi’ from her before she was out the door and exploring.

Exploring.

Just like old days with Max.

Only there was so much _more_ to explore, now.

This wasn’t some shitty tiny junkyard or some infinite but repetitive forest, this was LA.

Every direction she looked in there was something new to see or do, a new opportunity.

And it had her giddy with excitement as she picked a random direction and just kept walking.

 

The charm of the unknown was enthralling but the appeal was dampened somewhat by the fact she was alone.

Max was with her family.

Victoria was with her family.

Rachel was … wherever she was.

Chloe was inappropriately not with her family, instead just being a punk in a city too big for her.

She didn’t even have any friends here.

Probably because she didn’t even have any friends at all.

Ugh.

No, that wasn’t right.

Max was her friend, again.

Nathan kind of was, too.

Victoria.

Taylor wasn’t that bad.

Chloe wasn’t a _total_ asocial idiot, just … mostly.

Whatever.

She tried to put the thoughts out of her mind and just enjoy this time in the place she and Rachel had always wanted to go.

 

And perhaps surprisingly, Chloe loved it.

She had her doubts about exploring everything alone, but in the moment-to-moment it only dampened her excitement somewhat.

But she knew she could live here, if she wanted to.

If she could afford it.

 

On the final day of her time in LA, Chloe rested pleasantly on the guard rails looking to the sea from the Santa Monica pier.

She was eating some French fries, drinking some soda, and reflecting on her time here.

The sun was starting to set, but her flight was late at night, so it was whatever.

She had time.

And she used that time to think.

She had been thinking, slowly and carefully, about what all she could do with Victoria, and what they could be.

If Victoria was adamant in their relationship not being visible to her family, that implied a lot.

No marriage – even if it wasn’t legal in Oregon, they could just skip state and get married somewhere else.

No … ugh, a lot. A lot of their life events would involve Victoria’s family. Especially since Victoria’s future was wrapped up in her family’s business.

Did Chloe even _want_ to entangle herself with the stuffy art world?

She couldn’t imagine a more polar opposite to her type of crowd.

Hell, even just her dyed hair would be enough to cause some raised eyebrows at the least.

Let alone her whole punk get up – tattoos and all.

Would Victoria try and stuff her in a dress to those events?

Chloe had an amused scoff at the idea.

She probably would, but would probably give up, eventually, since Chloe was stubborn.

Chloe smiled.

There was only one person who had ever gotten her into a dress.

 

“Hey.”

 

Chloe’s blood ran cold and she stopped chewing her fries, with her thoughts completely frozen.

That wasn’t …

Chloe looked behind herself to see –

Rachel.

Chloe blinked about a million times, and only dumbly swallowed her food after a few too many seconds of processing.

Rachel, for her part, just giggled and rested on the guard rail right next to Chloe, stealing some of her fries to eat in a thoughtless and automatic process.

“I see you haven’t changed. As dopey and silly as ever.”

Chloe just couldn’t stop blinking, though.

Rachel was _right there_.

Alive, and in LA, and she looked like she always did, so beaming and happy and bright and playful and –

Rachel leaned over to kiss at Chloe’s cheek, and Chloe didn’t resist.

“Rachel …”

It came out eventually, and her words were so weak.

She wanted to do … a lot of things.

Her bravado and pride wanted an explanation.

The sappy side of her just wanted to hug her and squeeze her and kiss her until there was no air left in their of their lungs and no time left for either of them.

The rational side of her was overwhelmed at the long odds being stacked here.

No side of her just wanted to stand still and gape her mouth like the idiot she was, but Rachel always had this habit of overwhelming her and drawing this side of her out.

Rachel giggled again and gently brushed some of her hair back behind her ear.

“That’s my name. C’mon, babe, you don’t even look happy to see me.”

Rachel’s care-free attitude was usually endearing, but …

Fuck.

Chloe frowned.

“It’s been … six months. Seven months. I don’t even know. You haven’t …”

Chloe somehow pulled her gaze away from Rachel to look out to the sea.

“No call, no text, no nothing …”

Rachel hesitated, but sighed wearily.

“Chloe. I was abducted. I would have done anything I could to talk to you sooner. You know that. I love you. I always have. I always will.”

A simple, satisfying answer, with a simple, reassuring plea of her devotion.

Chloe sniffled and tried to keep herself from crying, now that the processing had finished and the implications of everything had really worked itself through her mind.

Rachel was here.

Alive.

And she still loved Chloe.

Rachel suddenly took Chloe’s hand and started to tug her away from the pier.

“Hey ---”

Rachel just giggled.

“--- don’t worry. Let’s go back to my place and talk it out. I know you have a lot of questions. I wanna answer them all.”

Chloe just kept on blinking but didn’t resist as Rachel tugged her – since she never resisted meaningfully when Rachel wanted her somewhere –

“--- I have … a flight, and ---”

Rachel just rolled her eyes, tugged Chloe to stand right in front of her, got up on her tippy toes, and kissed Chloe right on the lips.

Despite being with Victoria, Chloe didn’t resist this either, and she … simply didn’t know what to make of that.

Rachel bit at her lip a little after the kiss in a way that reminded her of Victoria, and then kept tugging her along.

“Screw your flight. It’s me, Chloe. I’m here. Let’s talk.”

Chloe couldn’t help the tears, anymore.

Everything was just so sudden.

 

Chloe didn’t take her flight.

They crashed in Rachel’s motel room.

Rachel explained everything – from how she got here, to why she didn’t call Chloe, to how she knew where Chloe was now –

They collapsed on her bed together and just started to snuggle and giggle like the giggly idiots they were.

And Chloe was suddenly so happy, in a way she hadn’t been in a while.

Like a deep, unforgiving weighted stone was lifted off of her chest.

Her dad didn’t leave her.

Max didn’t leave her.

Rachel didn’t leave her.

They just …

Fuck, even just completing the thought was difficult – Rachel’s hands were so distracting –

Rachel was so -

 

\---

 

Chloe woke up in the airport to the speaker announcing her flight out of LA had been delayed _yet another_ hour.

It took a second or two for her to realize what had happened.

_Goodbye to my Santa Monica dream_

 

And she couldn’t stop the tears when the thoughts fully clicked.

At least someone randomly crying in an airport wasn’t even remotely an odd thing for anyone to care too much about.

And Chloe could hide her miserable existence by bringing her knees up to her face, anyway, to shy away the tears.

 

_Fifteen kids in the backyard drinking wine_

 

She never wanted anyone to see her like this.

To know how badly her dreams taunted her.

How it always felt so _fucking_ real.

But how unrealistic it ultimately was.

 

_You tell me stories of the sea_

 

_And the ones you left behind_

 

But …

 

After crying for a few minutes, Chloe had another thought.

She wasn’t alone as she was when her dreams normally taunted her.

She looked at her phone.

2am.

Victoria would probably murder her if she called her this late – not to mention Victoria told her not to call in case her family overheard.

But.

There was someone in her contact list that totally would pick up at 2am, just for Chloe.

She dialed Max up, and tried to steady her tears.

 

_And the ones we left behind_

 

Max picked up.

“Hey, Max …?”

“Chloe … you sound terrible. What’s ... wrong?”

Chloe breathed in deep.

Max sounded so concerned, even if tired.

“Do you mind if I just … fucking dump all of the bullshit on my life on you right now? I need to vent.”

“Uhm … sure, Chloe. Let me get some water …”

Somehow, despite the phantom memories of what she could have had with Rachel still so strong in her mind, and the tears still stinging her eyes, Chloe smiled.

Max cared for her.

She always did, and there was no reason to give her anything less than Chloe’s all.

 

Closure was a difficult beast.

Chloe didn't find Rachel in her time in LA.

Maybe she wasn't even there.

Maybe she just needed more time to find her.

LA was a huge city, after all.

 

But often, when one door closes, another opens.

And before long, Chloe was actually laughing, happy, in her phone call with Max.

The additional hour until her plane was here went by too quickly.

And when she fell asleep on the flight going back home, she didn't dream of enthralling phantoms and a promise of a simple future.

She dreamed of the last time Max and her were playing pirates, out in the junkyard.

And she slept easily.

Happily.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victoria graduates.
> 
> One chapter of her and Chloe's life ends, but another begins.
> 
> Victoria needs more.
> 
> Chloe needs closure.

It was easier to not tell Chloe and not have the conversation.

But Victoria knew that was kind of unfair.

It just …

What could she say?

She loved Chloe, but not that much?

Not enough to throw her life away for?

Like Chloe would understand that?

Like this had any possible chance of not going horribly?

Like Chloe wasn’t thinking of fucking proposing?

As Victoria bodied another shot of Vodka and sat all alone in her room back at Blackwell, the thoughts continued to swirl around in her head and made rested progressively less and less well in her mind.

She had to wonder if it was even worth getting in a relationship with Chloe, if all it meant was she was going to get hurt again because life was never fucking fair.

But …

She knew it was.

Somehow.

Relationships weren’t always forever.

Chloe had helped Victoria a lot.

Victoria had helped Chloe a lot.

Chloe was horribly broken, but despite whatever crap she told herself, Victoria knew she was strong.

Strong enough to work through this.

Victoria had been able to give Chloe enough comfort to keep her from completely crashing and that would probably be enough to keep her alive for a while yet.

Plus, she was talking to Max again – by Victoria’s unsubtle encouragement, no less.

Even if Victoria had to separate herself from Chloe … she wouldn’t be left alone like she was before.

Small sigh.

Victoria stared down at the floor, gently swaying her bottle of vodka while –

Chloe entered the room.

Victoria didn’t even look up to her.

Chloe noticed her somber mood and had her own little sigh, coming to quietly albeit slowly sit down next to Victoria.

Quiet.

Chloe looked over to Victoria, or her lap anyway, and saw the alcohol.

She could smell it.

It wasn’t even lunch time.

She bit her own lip, but hesitated further.

Fuck it.

“What’s the difficult shit you wanted to talk to me about?”

Victoria didn’t respond at first.

She just took another shot, exhaled pleasantly, and keep looking down at the floor.

It was several seconds before she managed a response, and it was as every bit as awkward as the two of them were fearing.

“After I graduate … I want to breakup.”

Chloe blinked.

Her expression fell somewhat, but she had been thinking about this too, ever since Victoria told her about her plans to not reveal their relationship to her family.

Maybe Chloe was a dumbass dropout idiot stoner loser, but she had _some_ self-respect.

And she wasn’t anyone’s dirty secret.

Still, actually vocalizing the thought was hard, and pretending everything was fine was much easier on the two of them, even if they knew they were on borrowed time.

Eventually, Chloe placed both of her hands on the edge of the bed and looked away from Victoria, more to the floor in front of her.

“Oh. Is that all?”

Despite everything, the two of them shared a gentle smile at Chloe’s irreverence and her playful tone in the face of a seriously shitty conversation.

“Yeah …”

Victoria put the bottle down on the floor in front of her and rubbed at one of her arms, looking more positively away from Chloe.

“Sorry.”

Chloe sighed a bit wearily and leaned closer to Victoria, almost placing her chin on Victoria’s shoulder but stopping shy.

She brought her hands up to do … something, but then just placed them back down on the edge of the bed after a few seconds of hesitation.

She looked down, thought some more, then looked back up, still gently smiling.

“Dad’s that important to you, huh?”

Victoria quietly though slowly looked back over to Chloe.

She crossed her arms habitually.

“No. Fuck him. I only want his money.”

Chloe scoffed and smirked a bit wider.

“Points for honesty, I guess …”

She looked down for a few quiet seconds.

“You sure there’s no other way?”

Victoria raised one of her hands to rub at her temples.

“I’m not an idiot … I’ve thought through all of this shit. And I’m sure you have, too …”

Chloe sighed sadly.

“Yeah …”

Victoria shook her head just barely and frowned a little.

“It’s not fair on you to demand you to be mine while not letting my family know. You deserve better than that.”

Chloe just slumped a bit.

“Lord only knows what I deserve …”

Victoria groaned painfully and unconsciously slumped in Chloe’s direction.

The two of them readjusted their positions until they were leaning into each other, looking forward.

“You know I hate it when you talk like that …”

Chloe scoffed.

“Good thing you won’t be my ball and chain in some months, then.”

The two of them exhaled, amused.

Chloe seemed like she was taking it well, but Chloe was impossibly durable.

Victoria had a feeling a more emotionally-vulnerable moment would come sometime in the future, yet before when they actually broke up.

“You know what you deserve, Chloe …”

Chloe hummed thoughtfully.

Their voices got so low, so quiet.

“Yeah …?”

Victoria nodded barely and moved one of her hands downwards to find one of Chloe’s and intertwine their fingers to squeeze.

“Yeah … you deserve a loving, dedicated relationship … with someone who doesn’t have my baggage … or Rachel’s games … or Max’s history … you deserve to be happy.”

Chloe continued to hum.

“Don’t you think you deserve the same …?”

Victoria hesitated, then sighed wearily.

 

“No.”

 

Chloe blinked.

“No?”

Victoria nodded gently again.

“No. I’ll just hurt them. It’s all I do.”

Chloe sighed wearily.

“Vic …”

Victoria grunted.

“Victoria.”

Chloe just groaned.

“ _Victoria._ ”

Victoria hummed pleasantly.

“Yes, _sweetums_?”

Chloe smirked very slightly at Victoria’s sarcastic take on pet names.

She turned her face to the side and nudged at Victoria’s ear in a particular way, then exhaled meaningfully into the ear.

Victoria sighed, but understood what it meant, and turned her face to face Chloe, too.

Chloe brought both of her hands up and gently cupped Victoria’s cheeks – too firm and they’d upset her foundation and Chloe would get an earful – while she leaned forward for a gentle, affectionate kiss.

After they separated, they looked into each other eyes for a few seconds, then both looked down to the space between them.

Quiet.

“You didn’t hurt me.”

Victoria considered for a few seconds, then huffed and looked away.

Chloe slowly brought her hands back down to the bed.

“So you say _now_. Let’s see you say that after I fuck off to Seattle.”

Chloe really didn’t know what to say in response.

She knew she was going to feel pretty bad when they broke up and Victoria left her, like everyone did … but she did appreciate Victoria doing what she could.

Even if she had a fucked up idea of her obligation to her father and family, Chloe knew if her father had some kind of family business, she’d do anything to be a part of that.

Maybe the world was just going to perpetually be unfair on the both of them.

“Fuck, I don’t know …”

Chloe looked up to Victoria’s gorgeous perfect face, even if it was still looking away.

She could see her frowning.

“… maybe it will suck. I don’t know. I’m just …”

Chloe hesitated.

Victoria carefully looked back to her.

“What?”

Chloe bit her lip, sighed, shrugged, and looked down.

“I’m just happy you showed up when you did. I … don’t want to think about … yeah …”

Victoria hesitated, then leaned forward and kissed Chloe herself, although it was brief and she both crossed her arms and looked away afterwards.

But she smiled.

“Thanks.”

 

Quiet.

 

“Well. This sucks. Do you want to fuck and forget about it for now?”

Victoria scoffed, but blushed, and leaned back into Chloe’s side.

She moved one of her arms to meaningfully stroke at some part of Chloe though she didn’t care where nor did she look at it.

“Sounds wonderful …”

 

As it turns out, sex was a wonderfully distracting coping mechanism.

It kept them sane, and from thinking too much about the breakup, for a while yet.

 

A while isn’t forever, though.

 

Graduation night.

Victoria was in her gown, pacing around outside, since what else would she do so close to a monumental life event.

Her parents would be here soon.

Her flight back to Seattle was tonight.

She’d already been accepted to some fancy school –

Everything in her life was just happening all at once, much too soon, much too fast.

She felt like she was going to fucking explode.

 

Out of nowhere, Chloe appeared, and lazily wrapped her arms around from behind.

Victoria squeaked, but sighed and melted back into the affection warmly with a gentle smile.

“Chloe …”

She brought her hands down to stroke along Chloe’s hands.

“’s my name, yeah … don’t wear it out.”

Victoria scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve screamed your name enough times by now to wear it out.”

Chloe smirked and breathed meaningfully into the back of Victoria’s neck.

Victoria closed her eyes and shivered.

“Mmmm … touché. You look gorgeous tonight.”

Victoria sighed contently.

“And I bet you look like ass.”

Chloe smirked some more and shrugged vaguely.

“If you really hated it, you’d make me wear other stuff.”

Victoria hesitated for a few seconds, then turned herself around to slot herself into her girlfriend’s front.

Her hands came up to Chloe’s shoulders and she delicately rubbed there while Chloe kept her hands down by Victoria’s back and waist.

Victoria looked up and down Chloe’s getup and continued to smile gently.

Chloe smiled, too.

“This shirt has holes in it …”

Chloe shrugged again.

“So do my pants.”

Victoria blinked and pulled away just enough to look down that far, only to see Chloe’s pants didn’t have any holes in them at all.

“What …?”

Chloe grinned, quite obnoxiously.

“Don’t stare at my junk for _too_ long now.”

Victoria almost facepalmed in falling for such an obvious setup, but it was the kind of thing she enjoyed out of Chloe.

Instead, she just playfully slapped at Chloe’s shoulder and rested her face on her chest and collarbones.

She blushed a little, but much less so than earlier in their relationship.

Particularly not with so much makeup on.

“ _Bitch_. You set me up for that.”

Chloe’s hands meaningfully trailed a bit down and groped at Victoria’s butt, but Victoria didn’t respond meaningfully other than with a small grunt.

“That’s not the only thing I can set you up for …”

Victoria rolled her eyes a little at the flirt since it was way too inappropriate for now.

“This is the last you’ll see of me and you’re still hitting on me …”

Chloe chuckled.

“Did you expect me to do anything else …?”

Victoria smiled wider and removed herself from Chloe’s chest just long enough to kiss her gently on the lips.

Afterwards, they once more stared into each other’s eyes.

And despite her bravado and mood, Victoria could peer deep into Chloe’s eyes, and see their waver.

She was just acting tough … but she knew she was feeling a lot of emotions.

Internal sigh.

Her eyes looked down without her face going anywhere.

She continued rubbing at Chloe’s shoulders.

“I mean …”

She hesitated.

“… this is it, Chloe. I’m going straight from the ceremony to a celebration my family has planned to my flight …”

Chloe’s outward mood dampened a bit.

She brought her face forward until their foreheads were in contact, and they both closed their eyes to just breathe against one another and affectionate stroke each other.

“… yeah … time flies when you fuck your girlfriend.”

Victoria exhaled, amused.

“The saying is ‘when you’re having fun’.”

Chloe just smirked.

“I like my version better …”

Victoria smiled so wide and just barely shook her head.

Chloe was so … Chloe.

Unabashed, unashamed.

“How do you do it, Chloe …?”

Chloe hummed thoughtfully and stole another gentle little kiss from Victoria.

“Do what …?”

Victoria sighed.

“Be so invincible. I’m worrying my goddamn head off and you’re over here cracking jokes like nothing’s happening …”

Chloe hesitated.

“I dunno … I guess … if I had a choice between worrying about shit I have no control over … or cracking a joke … I’d rather do the latter.”

Victoria hummed thoughtfully.

“I wish I could do that.”

Chloe spanked both of Victoria’s butt cheeks which earned an appropriately surprised but unoffended squeak.

“The world ends with you, babe. You make the decision to worry about this shit for every second you do.”

 

That was probably going to stick with Victoria for a while.

 

She got lost in her thoughts, considering, while Chloe stole some more gentle kisses.

Eventually, someone cleared their throat beside them, and the two just lazily looked over to see Taylor grinning like an idiot.

By this point, Victoria did not give one raw fuck if someone saw her with Chloe – in fact she usually got more possessive, such as now, when her hands moved a bit forward to Chloe’s back and ended up sort of loosely hugging her neck.

“Am I interrupting?”

Victoria scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Obviously. What’s up?”

Taylor crossed her arms.

“Your parents just arrived. Figured you’d want a little warning before they caught you having sex in the bathroom with Chloe again.”

Victoria groaned.

They get caught having sex _once_ \---

Still, when the words registered, she regrettably separated from Chloe and diligently looked up to her.

“Well … you heard her. I should go meet up with them …”

She crossed her arms and looked down with a weary sigh.

Chloe hesitated.

“This isn’t goodbye forever, is it? Like … you still have my number.”

Victoria looked up to Chloe.

“I … don’t think we can do long-distance.”

Chloe frowned, sadly.

“Can’t we try?”

Victoria just hated seeing Chloe’s tough exterior crack and reveal some true emotions, like that.

That’s the sort of stuff she was expecting earlier.

Desperation.

Victoria pushed herself forward again just to deliver one last, meaningfully forceful and loving kiss, before she pulled away and crossed her arms again.

She looked down and talked more to Chloe’s chest than her face.

“… I think it’s best if we just … move on. We can still call and catch up from time-to-time, but … I’m going to be so busy, and …”

She just sort of awkwardly trailed up and looked up to Chloe, hoping her face was convincing enough since her words sure weren’t.

Chloe’s face cracked further and she brought both of her hands up to press them against her face tightly for a few seconds, then she groaned and pulled her hands down and just jumped up and down on her boots for a few seconds.

“Fuck. This is really it then, isn’t it?”

Victoria nodded sadly.

“Not goodbye forever, but … definitely goodbye for now.”

Chloe sighed and looked down, pathetically.

“… okay. G-goodbye, Vic …”

Victoria smiled so sadly.

It was so heart-breaking to hear Chloe stammer – she knew she was close to tears, even if Chloe didn’t allow her self to tears most of the time these days.

“Goodbye, Chloe.”

There was a sort of finality to that statement that only just now fully clicked in Victoria’s mind.

She was single.

Chloe wasn’t her girlfriend anymore.

She was moving away from Blackwell.

She was going to college.

She still had her parent’s blessings.

She was … moving on.

This part of her life was over with, now.

There were other words she had for Chloe, were she a better person, but Victoria didn’t say any of them.

Instead, she just sort of quietly turned around and walked away, towards the entrance of the school, where she figured her parents to be.

After a few steps though,

“Hey …”

Chloe, again.

Victoria looked back with a blink.

Oh no.

Chloe was definitely crying …

Victoria looked forward, since she was tearing up out of empathy, and that’s the last thing she wanted, right now.

“Don’t you f-forget about me … you hear that?”

 

Victoria closed her eyes and smiled earnestly, though there were some tears in her eyes goddamn it.

“I could never, Chloe … I will always remember you.”

She heard a muttered ‘fuck’ and suspected Chloe was hiding her face in her hands, but Victoria just couldn’t look back to her.

It was too painful.

She heard Taylor cooing sympathetically anyway, and suspected she was providing some comfort.

Assuming Chloe allowed it anyway.

Victoria just breathed in deep, blinked the tears away, and walked forward.

 

Into her new life.

So ended the part of Victoria’s life where she cared about anyone.

In its wake a transformation perhaps undesired but necessary for her sanity.

When she arrived at her dorm, the first thing she did was get her hair cut.

It was more symbolic than anything else, but she purposefully chose the gayest thing she could think of that her parents wouldn’t understand the meaning of.

An undercut.

She always wore short hair so they had long since given up on trying to make her wear anything else – what was just a little bit shorter to them?

Chloe’s influence on her, perhaps, to want such a thing, but whatever.

Because of Chloe, Victoria knew for a fact that she was both gay and she loved having sex as often as she could.

This created a conundrum when she wasn’t allowed a public girlfriend.

Thankfully, though, college was a time for many boys and girls to experiment.

And Victoria, consequentially, became many such girls’ first.

 

Victoria’s grades were flawless.

She had sex basically whenever she wanted.

She was in a prestigious school.

She had money and influence.

She had a reputation.

 

She should be happy.

But she wasn’t.

 

And there was nothing more unfair in the world than knowing you should logically be happy, but you aren’t.

So Victoria fell into old habits, old coping mechanisms, old distractions.

She wasn't happy.

But she could pretend.

She was the fucking queen of putting on airs.

 

(“I Need More” – Joyner Lucas)

Late one Friday many months later, Victoria perched over a bar, with her nails delicately but firmly tapping against the bar counter as she waited another drink.

“Don’t make me wait, Dave.”

Perhaps the worst attitude one could take to a bartender, but Victoria had the money to tip as damn well as she wanted to, and everyone knew it.

Soon enough, the bartender took to making her drink.

Not before some arms came around Victoria to hug her tightly, though.

She sighed, wearily.

“So nice to see you!”

A small little eyeroll and a grunt as the person released her and approached her side, taking the seat next to her with a smile.

Victoria only spared the interlocutor a small sideways glance.

One of the regulars …

She’d danced with her a few times, probably.

There had to have been hooking up somewhere in there, too, but a name just wasn’t registering.

“Buy me a drink?”

Victoria looked forward again and scoffed.

Her drink finally arrived, and despite her intruder’s sunny disposition, Victoria wasn’t amused.

“ _No_.”

Victoria took her shot full and in one breathless swing, slammed it down on the counter, pulled out her credit card from her purse and handed it to the bartender in one smooth motion.

“Close my tab.”

She looked over, pointedly, to the probably-stranger who misunderstood what Victoria was simply because she had gotten to dance or sleep with her.

“I won’t be buying anymore drinks for the rest of the night.”

Despite the fact her face was pointed to the stranger, the words were meant for the bartender.

Victoria’s cold eyes, however, those were plenty deserved by the stranger.

For her part, the stranger just blinked, and realized what Victoria was.

A mistake for her to assume otherwise.

She frowned a little but had no more words for Victoria as she pulled away from the bar and went back into the night club.

The bartender – Dave -- watched the exchange with a raised eyebrow.

Whence the girl had left, Victoria looked back to the bartender, and very nearly growled.

“The show isn’t for _you_. Close the damn tab already.”

The bartender sighed but took Victoria’s money anyway.

She had her reputation.

The bartenders just had to deal with a little disrespect and then they got their money.

More of an opportunity than many had.

 

It was later in the night when Victoria was prowling through the club, looking for new girls.

Sometimes she went with what she could loosely call ‘friends’, but since she knew so many of the regulars here anyway it was though she went with friends every time anyway.

This night was particular, though.

She was looking for someone new, so she avoided being seen in a sort of posse.

That would be intimidating.

More than she usually was, anyway.

Instead, she just crossed her arms, and traveled through the club alone.

Looking.

Hunting, almost.

 

It didn’t take her long to find a new target.

 

\---

 

Victoria woke up from a dreamless sleep way too damn early in the morning.

Someone’s hands were on her –

She blinked her eyes open and just for a quick second there was panic.

But it went away as quick as it came.

She was in her room, and it was a Saturday morning, she was pretty sure.

The hands on here probably belonged to that person she found last night.

New girl.

She knew her name, at some point – moaned it, even.

But that was some hours ago, and Victoria didn’t care too much.

They were cuddling, and Victoria was the small spoon, but with a firm exhale, she removed the girl’s hands from her body and sat off on the edge of the bed to stretch far and wide and yawn a little.

When she finished and looked back, the girl was stirring somewhat, too.

She was kind of cute …

Maybe Victoria was being a little generous, but it wasn’t always possible to find new people around into casually hooking up.

But even that wasn’t the hardest part.

With an internal sigh, Victoria looked off to the side of the bed to the night stand nearby.

6:30am.

Like a machine, her body woke up exactly when it was supposed to to keep to her schedule, even when that was probably not a good idea with how late she went to bed.

She felt tired, of course, but she knew if she just forced her body up and at it, she’d eventually get over it, despite any fatigue.

 

If there was one thing Victoria Chase was good at, it was sticking to a routine, even if that routine involved sleeping with strangers.

 

Eventually, Victoria stood up from her bed without saying a word to the near-stranger in the bed and went into her bathroom to shower and wash off any makeup that hadn’t yet worn off.

She closed the door leading to the bathroom, sighed wearily, and turned the heat all of the way up on the shower.

She needed this, sometimes, just to wash away some shame.

But no matter how hot the waters were, it never distracted her away from the biting thoughts.

Whore.

Slut.

Jezebel.

Victoria _knew_ what she was, and even if she despised herself for it, she knew how necessarily it was to keep everything working.

It was just an unfortunate but logical consequence to her circumstance.

She was a sexual person – Chloe had brought that out in her in no uncertain terms.

She was gay.

She couldn’t be in an openly gay relationship with another woman.

And everyone she slept with deserved better than to be, as Chloe so often described, a “dirty secret”.

They wouldn’t have to go through the same pain Chloe did.

They wouldn’t have to know the feeling of being loved but not loved _enough_.

 

Victoria was done breaking hearts.

 

After her weekly round of self-rationalizations that she was doing the right thing, Victoria finished showering and turned it off with a miserable sigh.

She just sort of hugged at herself for a few seconds in the shower stall.

This was basically the only place she could be vulnerable, anymore, and so she utilized it while she still could.

In a few minutes, she’d put on her makeup, wake the bitch up, kick her out in a gentle sort of way, go to school, work part time at her dad’s gallery, and do the rest of her routine.

Make dinner.

Instruments.

Language practice.

The women in her life were very nearly incidental to it, and that’s just the way she liked it.

Still, in quiet moments like these …

She wondered how Chloe was doing.

If she ever forgave Max.

If she ever found Rachel.

Did she still dye her hair?

Did she somehow find a job in this economy with her profound lack of skills or education?

They only rarely texted or called, and Victoria understood Chloe had finally moved on, like Victoria had.

But she still thought and wondered, sometimes.

 

Her thoughts were interrupted by someone entering the bathroom.

Victoria just sighed.

Her shower stall had frosted glass so –

Victoria opened the stall and crossed her arms, still quite literally dripping wet from her shower.

The woman she had slept with last night just sort of froze, looking over to Victoria uselessly, and not really processing anything else for a few seconds.

“You’re, um …”

Victoria rolled her eyes and uncrossed one arm to point at some nearby towels.

“Naked. Yes. Not news around you. Get me a towel, already.”

The woman blinked, looked over to the indicated towels and after a second or two padded over to get the towel and carefully hand it to Victoria.

The woman was naked, too, but unlike her, Victoria was perfectly comfortable looking at a naked woman, and didn’t have so much as a blush at the sight.

“Wonderful.”

Victoria took the towel and started drying off.

 

Perhaps some inferior version of her would be annoyed at this woman seeing her without her makeup on or much of her appearance in shape, but this Victoria didn’t care too much.

So what if she was seen like this.

She’d been in much more worse conditions around Chloe and had simply had her tolerance raised over the months.

Still, it was kind of cute that the woman just obviously ogled and watched her while she dried off.

Victoria didn’t quite need the reminder that she was attractive, but the assurance still felt … nice.

It put a little smirk on her face as she hung the towel up, cat walked out of the shower stall, and sashayed past the woman, obnoxiously yet seductively dragging one of her hands across the woman’s face and neck as she made it to the sinks.

“You’re staring.”

The woman giggled in a nervous and uncertain manner – Victoria imagined she blushed and looked away, which was only further confidence-boosting.

This, perhaps, was the greatest compliment to why she did what she did to these women.

It made her feel great.

Like she was worth something.

Like she was desirable.

Even if she was damaged goods, unable to sustain a long-term relationship.

Even if all she had done was broke hearts and burn bridges that she shouldn’t have.

“I um … yeah, well … you’re cute, so … like … yeah.”

Victoria just exhaled pleasantly and started to ensure her face was dry enough for her makeup and morning routine.

“Mmm. That’s not news, either … you can use the shower if you want.”

Victoria looked at the woman through the mirror, who just nodded in response and awkwardly moved to get into the shower.

Victoria watched her for a few seconds, then went back to her makeup.

Until she heard the woman gently singing, anyway.

Then, despite herself and everything, Victoria smiled gently, and just put her brushes down and listened, head bowed and all considering.

Chloe always used to sing in the shower.

 

Sometime later, Victoria was quietly munching on an apple and some thin crackers in her kitchen.

The kitchen was connected to the bathroom was connected to the bedroom in a pretty rectangular floor plan, so when the woman left the bathroom to enter into the kitchen, Victoria wasn’t surprised.

She still wasn’t dressed, though – at least Victoria had bothered to put on some underwear and an oversized tee.

Once again, the woman just kind of froze when she saw Victoria eating, and obviously stared at her.

The consistent behavior kept reminding Victoria of last night … the poor girl just didn’t even know what to say to her, then.

That was fine, since Victoria didn’t need to be picked up when she found a girl she was into.

And her being sort of useless and awkward was endearing, in a very un-Chloe way.

A sort of dork charm.

Still, it was inconvenient, at times like this, so Victoria sighed very gently and put her plate with her breakfast down to look over to the woman.

She leaned over her kitchen counter and placed her weight on her palms, on the counter.

“You keep walking around the house naked and I feel like I’d have to put a collar on that neck.”

The woman blinked a couple dozen times.

“Uhm … w-what?”

The blush was obvious, and cute, but Victoria sighed more wearily this time and just shook her head, looking down to her food plate.

“Never mind. Go put on some clothes, girl.”

The woman nodded and turned around.

Victoria watched her go, again.

She always felt like one could tell so much about someone by how they walked through the world and carried themselves.

Chloe’s outward confident stroll, taking up as much space as loudly as possible …

This mousey girl’s inward, constrained walk, taking up as little and moving as quietly as possible …

Fuck.

Victoria took another bite of her apple.

At least she knew what type of girls she was definitely into, now.

 

Eventually, the woman came back, dressed in her same clothes from last night.

They weren’t particularly flirty, but she wasn’t a particularly flirty person.

Who seriously shows up to a club with a hoodie, anyway.

Regardless, she was clothed now, and carefully walked over to stand on the far side of the kitchen counter, looking between Victoria and her food.

Victoria noticed and stopped eating.

She swallowed and raised an eyebrow.

“Hungry, _mm_?”

The woman’s eyes danced a bit and she quietly nodded.

“Do you have, um … like a pop-tart?”

Victoria scoffed.

“We don’t eat like shit in this household. You may have a fruit, not some hyper-processed sugary _garbage_.”

The woman just kept on blinking.

“O-oh. Uh.”

She rubbed at the back of her neck and looked around quietly, before spying a banana holder with some fresh bananas on the opposite side of the counter, by Victoria.

“A banana, I guess?”

Victoria just shrugged, peeled a banana away from its cousins, and tossed it over to the woman.

“Thank you.”

Victoria rolled her eyes and went back to eating as the woman started herself.

When they both finished, Victoria quickly rinsed her plate and put it in the sink, then found two cups to give them both some water to drink.

The woman took her cup with another automatically appreciative sentence which hardly even registered to Victoria.

Victoria took a sip, and –

“So … what does this make us, now?”

\- She very nearly choked on her fucking sip and –

She put her cup down, cleared her throat a few times until she was sure the liquid went down the right pipe, then looked intently at the woman.

“ _What_?”

Her voice was a little scratchy, since her throat was still irritated.

Victoria’s obviously unreceptive response and deathly glare made the woman rub at the back of her neck again and take a sip of her water before continuing.

“Was last night … like … a one-night stand? Or something?”

She couldn’t meet Victoria’s gaze.

Victoria sighed wearily and straightened her back, crossing her arms and lifting her harsh gaze a bit.

“No … not quite.”

She didn’t like the ‘one-night stand’ characterization of her behavior.

This seemed to comfort the woman, who looked back to Victoria and had a faint smile on her face.

“Oh. I kinda thought so … I know I’m like, rusty, or whatever … and kinda fat.”

Victoria rolled her eyes, took another sip of her water, and shook her head viciously.

“No, you are definitely not … ‘rusty’. Or fat.”

She knew it was fishing for compliments, but the poor girl seemed like she could use some sometimes.

“Oh.”

Not that she seemed to know how to take a compliment and just looked off to one of the walls, blushing again while she quietly took another sip of her water.

Victoria watched her carefully for a few seconds, sipping herself before continuing.

“As for us, well … I don’t think we need to put labels to it. Maybe you just come over sometimes and we have … _fun_.”

She raised both of her eyebrows at the last word for emphasis, then finished her remaining water with one mighty swig and powerful slam down onto the counter.

The woman looked to her, again.

Her face was sadder, this time.

“… just like everyone else?”

Fuck.

Victoria frowned without realizing it.

Her reputation must really be getting around if even new girls knew what to expect going in … and this girl still took the plunge, anyway.

And she still looked hurt, anyway.

Why?

She should have known what this was.

 _Especially_ if she knew what Victoria’s reputation was.

But, still …

Seeing her look so uncomfortable and distraught, Victoria sighed and shook her head.

“ _No_. Come here.”

The woman put her drink down and approached Victoria.

For a second or two, they just stood in front of each other, looking carefully.

Then, Victoria reached a hand up to move some of the woman’s hair behind her ear and leaned forward to gently kiss at her forehead.

Quiet.

When they separated, they plainly looked at each other for some more seconds before Victoria gently crossed her arms again.

She looked down to the woman’s chest, but not to ogle, more just idle distraction.

“You’re not another notch. Just … I’m so busy, these days … but keep in touch, alright?”

Most of this felt like a lie.

But Victoria didn’t want to hurt this poor girl.

She didn’t want to hurt anyone, really.

But now she was stuck between a rock and a hard place, as she usually was when she slept easily and freely with other strange women – with the morning after talk.

Some were just fine at leaving things as they were, but some expected sex to lead to something … else.

And there usually wasn’t a way to tell what kind of girl would expect what until _after_ the fact, annoyingly.

Still, this is what the woman wanted to hear, even if Victoria literally couldn’t remember her name or number, and she left pleasantly-enough afterwards with even that token reassurance that she wasn’t just a one-night stand.

And that this wasn’t just about the sex.

And only when she was gone did Victoria pour another glass of water and harshly place the glass against her forehead with her eyes tightly closed, wondering what the hell she was doing with her life and the kind of person she was.

Just a whore.

Just damaged goods.

Just some rich bitch.

Who needed more.

Who could give nothing in return.

 

She wondered what Chloe was doing, in her life, after some spiraling.

If she made it out of Arcadia Bay okay …

If she ever found anyone else.

 

\---

 

Max looked up and down from her phone to the sign.

Starbucks.

Not just _any_ coffee shop, though …

Max smiled gently as she confirmed it was the right one and casually strolled inside.

Of course, there was a line, but –

“Dude!”

She barely even walked in before she heard one of the baristas calling out to her, in a voice all-too-familiar.

Max smiled a bit wider.

“I’m taking five, Bill.”

“--- _What?_ ”

Before her coworker could meaningfully object, though, Chloe was already taking her apron off and storm away from the counter, to unfortunately leave her coworker mostly alone with a busy line of increasingly-agitated customers, who were of course only the more annoyed that one of the people serving them had left.

Never mind that, though.

Chloe was here, and she smiled so wide, and she giggled and took one of Max’ hands and dragged her out of the coffee shop.

When they were outside, they breathed in the not-so-fresh LA air and Chloe released Max’ hand to cross her arms and look down at her with a playful grin.

“You made it!”

Max smiled so wide, too.

“I did … I can’t believe you really went all of the way out here to LA.”

Chloe’s expression fell at the words and she quietly looked at the pavement between them for a few seconds.

Then, she sniffled, uncrossed her arms, and quite suddenly and viciously hugged Max.

Max blinked but wasn’t about to reject Chloe’s affection, and returned it with her own hug, albeit not nearly as possessive or strong since Chloe was massive and Max swore she felt muscle in her arms.

“Chloe … can’t breathe …”

Chloe giggled at this and released Max to just place her hands on her shoulders and brightly look down at her.

“You know not many people would do this for me, Max … it means a lot to me.”

Max smiled back up at Chloe.

“Anything, Chloe …”

In truth, Max was more than a little bit concerned about uprooting everything and moving to LA.

But she wasn’t just moving to LA.

She was moving to _Chloe_.

That made all of the difference in the world.

Still, Max had her doubts, and she bit her lip quietly after a few precious seconds of them just appreciating each other’s smile.

“So um … have you seen the place yet?”

Chloe scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Duh.”

Max smiled a bit wider.

“… in person?”

Chloe cleared her throat and rubbed at the back of her neck, looking away for no reason in particular.

“… _maybe_.”

Max giggled and Chloe did too as they looked to each other again.

“Okay, well … I’m not signing anything until I see it for myself. When do you get off?”

Chloe hesitated then shrugged and got this _ridiculous_ grin on her face –

“Well, Vic isn’t around anymore, so … not that often, but thanks for asking ---”

It took one, two, three seconds for it to click in Max’ mind –

She blushed furiously –

She slapped at Chloe’s arm –

Chloe giggled and rubbed at the inoffensive and ineffectual slap mark, wearing it proudly.

“ _Chloe_!”

Chloe couldn’t help her playful giggles, for a little while.

But then she sobered up after a deep sigh, still smiling so wide.

“Seriously though. In a couple hours. I’ll text you, we’ll swing by, check it out, hopefully sign the stuff …”

Chloe’s voice trailed off and had this gentle, serious quality to it that Max didn’t hear too often.

And the reminder of Victoria …

Max sighed gently.

“Are you … doing okay? These past few months? I know you, and Victoria …”

Chloe sighed wearily herself.

She looked down to the floor for a few seconds.

“It just wouldn’t be you if you didn’t do some snooping huh?”

Max blushed some more, and opened her mouth to respond, but –

Chloe looked up and her face was somber.

Max stayed quiet.

Chloe bit her lip, then sighed and resumed.

“I’m … okay, I guess. As good as anyone can feel when literally everyone in your life just sort of uses you and throws you away when it’s convenient for them, so …”

Max frowned.

Poor Chloe …

She felt so, so guilty about those five years, but –

At least she had a chance to make it up to her _now_.

 

Max moved her hands forward to rub at Chloe’s crossed arms, and they unconsciously crossed so Max could steal her hands and squeeze them.

Chloe blinked.

Max took a step or two closer until they were adjacent.

 

“I’m _not_ going to throw you away, Chloe.”

 

Chloe smiled sadly and leaned her face down to rest it somewhere on Max’s hair, just breathing her scalp like she would have Victoria’s.

Different smell, different height.

It felt just as intimate, though.

“I know, Max, I know …”

 

They shared the tender moment for a few seconds before Chloe’s coworker burst out of the door.

“Chloe! Come on, goddamn it.”

He didn’t even seem to notice or care that Chloe was intertwined with someone else, right now.

Chloe just sighed wearily and separated herself from Max.

“Yeah, yeah …”

She started to put her apron back on and walked back towards the doors but paused at the threshold.

She had a miserable expression her face when she looked back to Max but it quickly shifted to a warm smile.

She looked forward, breathed in deep, and entered the coffee shop.

She could do this.

Especially since she could look forward to getting an apartment with Max all day long.

 

Max watched the little interplay with Chloe’s coworker and her little moment of sadness fading away to happiness with her own warm smile.

She already felt like she was making things up to Chloe, and they hadn’t even moved in yet.

It left her all smiles as she walked away and found ways to kill time until Chloe got off work.

The reminder of Victoria did put some thoughts into her mind, though.

Chloe didn’t seem to be over her.

Or Rachel, for that matter …

Poor Chloe.

Everyone she ends up with just using her and leaving her.

Maybe Max could do better.

Or … maybe not.

Chloe had enough on her plate.

Max was just going to be as good a friend as she could be.

Maybe Chloe would trust her enough to talk about her relationships.

Maybe Max could help her get over Victoria, or Rachel.

Maybe Max could be a good friend.

 

Maybe.

So many thoughts, so little time.

She’d find out soon enough, she supposed …


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe talks to Max about her time away.
> 
> Victoria stops being able to pretend.
> 
> She talks to Chloe.
> 
> And she thinks about life.

“So … what happened all of those years ago, really?”

Max hesitated while she was cleaning some of the dishes.

Chloe was across her in their tiny apartment, sitting on the other side of the bar, picking through her phone while they decided on what to do for dinner.

“Huh?”

Chloe rolled her eyes and put her phone down.

“Y’know … when you left me.”

Max bit her lip and looked down to her plates.

“Oh …”

She put the plates down, sighed heavily, and crossed her arms.

“… we went over that already, didn’t we?”

Chloe nodded gently but slumped more towards the bar.

“Kinda. You just apologize for days and call yourself an idiot though … I don’t want that.”

Max blinked and looked up.

“You don’t?”

Chloe shook her head and sighed.

“No. I want to understand.”

Max blinked again.

“Understand what?”

Chloe shrugged.

“ _Why_.”

Max hesitated, then came around the bar to take the seat down next to Chloe.

Chloe sat herself upright more, and the two turned to face each other.

“I don’t know … it feels so stupid thinking about things back then …”

Chloe sighed gently and nodded.

It was her turn to cross her arms.

“Stupid is one way to describe it … why didn’t you respond much?”

Max frowned, slightly, but then shook her head.

“It felt like … I don’t know. Nothing I could say would make it better. Nothing I could do would help you.”

The two went quiet in careful consideration.

“And what if … what if I tried, and all I did was hurt you?”

The line of reasoning, suddenly, was desperately intimate to Chloe, and she just kind of looked at Max with her mouth gaping stupidly while some pieces fell into place.

“Like … I remember … all the way back before his funeral … I couldn’t do anything. I was so fucking stupid and helpless and I just – couldn’t get the words out. You deserved better. I thought you would just move on, or something.”

Chloe deserved better.

Fuck.

“You just being there helped a lot, Max …”

Max sighed wearily and the two considered some more.

Their voices had gotten so fragile and gentle in the intervening moments, but the conversation was difficult, so that was to be expected.

“I mean … I know that _now_. That’s why I’m here, right?”

She smiled, barely, and so did Chloe.

“C’mere.”

Chloe patted at her lap and Max giggled a little bit didn’t resist and quickly made her way into a seating position on Chloe’s lap.

Chloe wrapped her arms around and the two just relaxed, eyes closed and content.

“I made a mistake … and I was wrong. But I’m so … so happy you’re not upset at me.”

Chloe sighed, but was still smiling.

“Me too.”

Letting Max back into her life was easily one of the best decisions Chloe ever made.

There was that pathetic feeling of being used and tossed away at first, but …

There was something else, too.

Chloe needed to think more on it to fully metastasize it in her mind.

But Max’s perspective added this weird undercurrent to everything she thought about when it was the subject of her time away, ignoring Chloe.

It wasn’t Chloe’s fault.

It was Max’s mistake.

And she was sorry for it.

And Chloe could relate, and understand, that feeling like she couldn’t really help someone even if she tried.

How fucking weird was it that dating Victoria, of all people, helped her to get over this shit.

Victoria.

 

The thought came and dampened her mood slightly.

Chloe wondered how she was doing, these days …

If she had just moved on.

Shit, that was just like how Max rationalized not talking to Chloe, wasn’t it?

Fuck it.

Chloe was going to call Victoria soon.

Never mind her dumb ideas.

She wasn’t going to let someone _else_ slip away from her, like this.

 

\---

 

“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”

Taylor’s voice, on the other end of the phone, sounded quite annoyed.

Victoria sighed wearily.

“But we are anyway.”

She heard a grunt.

“You speak like 3 languages.”

Victoria hummed.

“Four.”

She imagined an eyeroll in the pause that followed.

“ _Four_. And _how_ many instruments?”

Victoria shrugged even if Taylor obviously couldn’t see it.

“Enough. Maybe like half a dozen.”

Now, she heard a sigh.

“And your grades are flawless …”

Victoria nodded.

“And I have more pussy than you can imagine.”

She heard a sputtering sort of embarrassed laugh.

“Yeah … _that_. And you’re telling me … what?”

Victoria hesitated.

Her eyes just looked down to the floor, somewhere, while she painted her toenails.

Her phone was somewhere on the table, but Victoria of course had a fancy Bluetooth headset for talking handsfree.

 Victoria started a second coat of pink polish.

“That it’s not enough.”

She heard Taylor, on the other end, hesitate too.

“And that’s just … crazy. You have no idea how lucky you are.”

Victoria groaned and closed her eyes, looking up to the ceiling and pausing her work momentarily.

Taylor just didn’t get it.

It probably didn’t help that she wasn’t in a situation even remotely close to Victoria’s.

She wasn’t doing as well in college, people weren’t nearly as proud of her, she didn’t have money to burn, she didn’t get nearly as much sex – so far as Victoria knew, anyway – yet there was a deep and unrelenting suspicion that Taylor was actually _happier_ , somehow, and it pissed her the fuck off.

What the fuck did she have to do?

What amazing academic achievement would satisfy?

How much money?

How much impressive knowledge?

How much sex …?

“Yeah … it’s just … like … I don’t know.”

Taylor hesitated again.

“I guess no one our age really does know.”

Victoria scoffed.

“I don’t give a shit about the average. I’m a cut above.”

She could feel Taylor frowning, even if she couldn’t see it.

“Fat lot of good that’s apparently doing you.”

Victoria scoffed, again.

“Bitch.”

The two shared a weary sigh.

“Look, I have to go talk to my mother. I’m sure you’ll figure things out.”

 

Everyone, everywhere, was always sure Victoria would figure things out.

That she always had the correct answer.

Perhaps it wasn’t illogical; by most metrics she was smart.

Not everyone, so she was told, could do what she did academically or otherwise.

But at some point, the praise sort of wrapped around, and started to feel like a sardonic joke – some deep, guttural, grimly mocking thing – a joke everyone else but her was in on, and everyone else played it dead straight.

If she was so smart, why didn’t she feel like it?

If she was so successful, why did she feel so awful?

If she was attractive and beautiful, why did she feel so lonely?

The conversation with Taylor ended, but it felt more like a conversation she could have had with anyone else.

No one understood.

 

She sighed.

 

Maybe she was complaining about nothing.

Like Taylor said.

Victoria had no idea how lucky she really was.

Taylor was so, so worried she might not even have her mother in a few years the situation with her back was getting so serious.

And here Victoria was, complaining that a perfect life just wasn’t enough.

But what else could anyone expect from her.

She was just a bitch.

 

Later on, after Victoria’s nails dried, she went to go get some fast food, since she wasn’t really feeling like cooking right now.

Some sort of stupid taco shack.

It was going to make her car smell like tacos for weeks.

At every stop, she eyed the bag of food suspiciously.

She was damn sure she was hungry, but she never ate in the car.

She wasn’t a fucking barbarian or something.

Still, it was pretty tempting.

The car in front of her completed its turn, so Victoria did too.

Food.

She just had to drive a little bit more and –

 

All of the sudden, she heard this indescribably awful noise.

The groaning of metal as it is torn asunder and violently reshaped by another.

The shattering of glass.

The screeching of tires.

 

Everything was suddenly in slow motion.

 

Her car spun around, and around, and around –

Victoria could see the world just dizzying around her.

She hit the brakes, of course, but they were of little use.

It felt like a goddamn hour later before her car stopped spinning, facing the wrong way on the road.

She blinked.

 

What in the fuck just happened … ?

She looked down to herself and saw that everything was more-or-less intact on her person.

Some cars awkwardly routing around her made her realize she was still on the road.

The airbags in her car hadn’t gone off …

Maybe it was okay?

She could just –

When she hit the gas pedal, the car did lurch forward, but at an awkward gallop.

 _Something_ wasn’t well, anymore, about her car.

She felt the awkward bounce of her car but she did eventually make it to a side road just in front of her.

She parked and breathed in deep.

 

Holy shit.

 

She just numbly stared at her steering well, looking at her hands and the pattern of the leather there.

She was going to –

Someone knocked on her window.

Dumbly, she looked off to see a stranger wave, then point downwards.

Victoria blinked and rolled the window down.

“Are you okay?”

Victoria blinked again, and looked forward.

“Y-yeah.”

The stranger sighed.

“Can you get out of the car?”

Victoria shrugged and got her seatbelt off, opened the door, and got out of her car.

She didn’t even think to take her keys out of the car or turn it off.

She just stood up to face him, and her body felt so weird and unresponsive right now, fizzy and numb and shaking all over.

“Hey … was anyone else in the car?”

Victoria frowned and crossed her arms.

“W-why?”

The stranger shrugged and pointed behind her, to the back part of her car.

Victoria blinked but looked behind herself –

The color damn near drained out of her world.

She gasped miserably, pathetically.

Something had _slammed_ into her car, T-boning it, and wrecked the entire back left quarter of it.

The fucking wheel was askew and pointing out at a painfully wrong angle.

The glass was gone in the rear door, and the door itself was awfully dented inwards, same with all of the support beams around it.

 

Victoria just survived a car crash.

But she almost didn’t.

 

If she was driving just a bit slower … or the other car just a bit faster … it would have ran right into the driver’s side door.

Judging from how severely the rear door was dented inwards …

She shuddered.

 

“We um … should probably exchange insurance information.”

 

Victoria was still numb to the world and everything, but went through the motions expected of her.

She took a picture of the other driver’s insurance info – the stranger who had been talking to her apparently was driving the other car that hit her – and just sort of sat on the edge of the curb by her car, gobsmacked.

The other driver’s passenger went out into the road to retrieve some part of their car.

Apparently the whole front bumper just fell right the fuck off.

The two grumbled inconsolably with one another afterwards, but at least everyone was okay.

 

Nominally.

 

Victoria was lost in her thought.

About what could have just happened.

What she could have been.

How close she was to her death.

 

She was numb, but did the motions expected of her.

Soon a police officer arrived and made an official account of events.

Since the other driver was making a left turn onto oncoming traffic and didn’t have the right of way, he was found at fault.

Victoria felt like she should have known better than to drive to the college-y part of town, but the fast food was just too good around there.

Whatever.

The police officer left soon afterwards and before Victoria even knew what was coming on a tow truck came to tow her car away.

She sort of awkwardly got inside of the tow truck.

“I know a good collision place … they’ll get your car up and running in no time.”

Victoria didn’t respond.

She just stared out the window and rubbed at her arms defensively.

The truck driver took the hint well enough and left her alone for the duration of the ride.

She only provided the occasional directions to get back home.

Victoria felt like she was on auto pilot as she got home, gave the driver a tip for his services and convenience, and numbly walked into her apartment.

She just walked into her bedroom, crashed on her bed.

 

She started to cry when the shock wore off, but she didn’t even know why she was crying.

When her body was emptied of tears and she just didn’t know what to do anymore, she curled up into a fetal ball, and just wanted to die.

… or did she?

If she died in that car crash, who would even care?

Taylor?

Maybe a little.

She’d probably be sad but it’s not like they were super close.

Her parents?

Probably some.

Her mother in particular.

But they had other children who were all promising to turn out as well as Victoria had.

Her extended family?

As if.

They would display the socially-required amount of grief and politely move on in a socially-required period of time.

 

Nathan …?

… maybe.

 

Chloe …?

Oh, god.

 

It had been such a long time since she felt like this, so scared and vulnerable and helpless.

But there was someone who somehow was able to pull her through it.

Though her world was blurry with tears, Victoria found her phone again.

And she dialed Chloe.

 

“Chloe …”

 

Chloe picked up immediately.

It put a small smile on her face.

 

“Hey Vicky … kind of bad timing, I’m about to ---”

Victoria shuddered an uneasy exhale and the sadness present in just her breathing silenced Chloe effectively,

“--- I just … got in a car crash.”

 

Quiet.

It was maybe the second most painful silence Victoria ever sat through.

 

“… a what …?”

And Chloe’s voice was suddenly so gentle, so fragile, so halting.

Victoria couldn’t help but imitate it.

“… a car crash.”

They were basically whispering, now.

“Ho … huh … holy shit.”

Victoria just the barest of amused scoffs.

She could imagine so perfectly on Chloe’s face the sort of dumb shock she’d be working through.

“… yeah.”

There was another pause as she could hear Chloe deliberating internally – those gears turning in her brain again at such an awfully slow speed – what to say in response.

“… are you okay …?”

Victoria shook her head even if Chloe couldn’t see it.

“No. I’m not. I’m …”

She closed her eyes, breathed in deeply, and hesitated.

“… I need to talk to you … about things. Now.”

Chloe sighed.

“Yeah, of course you do. Okay. Um … let me call into work. Then I’m all yours.”

Victoria particularly enjoyed this phrasing of Chloe’s.

She knew what she meant, but … still.

“Okay.”

 

Chloe had to hang up briefly to get herself free for the afternoon.

She called back pretty quickly, though.

“Okay, okay … lay it on me. I’m all yours.”

Victoria sighed.

“If only.”

Quiet.

It was pretty awkward.

Eventually,

“Vic …”

Victoria just shook her head.

“I know, I know … that’s my fault. Um. Anyway. The crash.”

Chloe sighed.

“The crash … what happened?”

Victoria gulped.

“I kind of … don’t really want to talk about it? Itself? Like … I’m fucking … _terrified_. My hands are still shaking and it’s been hours.”

Chloe hesitated.

“Okay … what did you want to talk about, then?”

Victoria hesitated, too.

Third awful silence of her life.

She was collecting an awful lot of them today.

“I … almost died today, Chloe.”

Chloe’s voice got quiet again, like it was earlier.

“… shit. That bad?”

Victoria nodded.

“Yeah … if things were just … a little bit different … I wouldn’t be here, right now.”

Chloe sighed.

“… well, _fuck_.”

Victoria nodded again.

“Yeah, and like … who would even miss me? Who would even care? Who would even come to my funeral?”

Chloe just barely had this amused sound.

“… yeah, you are kind of a bitch.”

But it was so, so endeared-sounding, to the point that Victoria couldn’t help a small smile herself.

“ _Oh_ \- shut up. I’m _trying_ to be serious, here …”

She sounded so endeared too, because, well, she was.

She missed this.

She missed Chloe’s invulnerability and strength and optimism being able to distract her from even the worst parts of her life.

She missed this giddy warmth she felt whenever she heard Chloe’s voice try and comfort her in whatever manner she could.

She missed the way Chloe would kiss at her hair in the morning and smell it, even if that was kind of weird to do.

She missed waking up in her damaged, possessive arms.

She missed Chloe.

Chloe for her part just snickered low and gently.

“Sorry, sorry … well you know I’d miss you, right?”

Victoria hesitated.

“Would you? Seriously?”

Chloe hesitated, too.

“Vic … _c’mon_ , of course I would.”

Victoria sighed pleasantly and closed her eyes.

She needed to hear that.

Her voice, too, suddenly got so fragile and weak.

“… even after everything I’ve done to you? Using you, and just … throwing you away?”

Chloe sighed so loudly, and wearily, and paused for the fourth most painful pause of Victoria’s life.

“Don’t … like … ugh.”

They both shared a small frown.

“Vic, you’re … you’re not perfect, but no one is. You did what you could …”

Victoria scoffed.

“What little that was. And _Rachel_ is _perfect_.”

The line got so quiet Victoria swore she just killed Chloe with that line, and she did regret bringing it up, but –

 

“… she’s not. I … met her, again, by the way …”

 

Victoria fucking blinked.

Fucking _what_.

 

\---

 

It was one day like any other beautiful sunny Californian day on the beach when Chloe transitioned quite suddenly and painfully from one stage of her life to another.

When closure finally found her.

 

It had been a few months now since she’d moved to LA and Max had moved in with her.

Chloe did not give up her search for Rachel.

She was _determined_ to find her.

But LA was _huge_ – it’s not like she could plaster flyers all over town or anything.

She didn’t have the free time for that, anyway.

Not anymore.

Instead, Chloe simply spent a lot of what little free time she had out by the beaches.

Santa Monica, Venice, Long Beach, whatever.

She was hoping to find her sun and her warmth just out and about, randomly, one day.

Maybe surfing.

Smiling, and happy, and living her dream, like she always wanted to do.

 

Chloe was sitting on a bench facing out to the endless sea.

She enjoyed the ambience of tourists and seagulls and waves.

The famous Santa Monica pier.

Whenever she dreamed of it, it was empty, almost prophetically so, drawing Chloe to it.

But this was an unreality.

The pier was almost never empty, certainly not while the sun was up and the weather was nice, like it was now.

Chloe ate her dinner and contemplated her life out here.

 

Somehow, her plan worked.

 

Her eyes had been closed while she sipped her drink and thought about things.

Someone sat down next to her, suddenly.

“Ey, ocupado!”

Chloe blinked her eyes open and looked over to see –

 

Rachel.

 

Or at least … some version of her.

In Chloe’s dreams, Rachel was as she always remembered.

Young.

Warm.

Smiling.

Giddy.

Perfect.

But now, some two or so years since Chloe had seen her last, Rachel had changed.

It looked like she had aged a decade in just a few years.

Eyes once alit with a sunny fire now more jaded and cynical – pressed folds were smooth skin used to be – some distress to her hair instead of perfect maintenance.

Perhaps Rachel had handled her time apart from Chloe in even worse ways, somehow.

 

At the words, and Chloe’s reaction, Rachel just smiled.

At least in all of this time, Chloe didn’t change.

Maybe she never would.

“Oh really? I didn’t think you’d mind …”

The playfulness reminded of Chloe from so long ago, and despite … everything, she couldn’t help a small smile.

“Rachel …”

Rachel smiled wider, too.

“Chloe.”

There was a quiet – as quiet as it could be given their location – moment or two were they just looked at one another.

Then, as though no time had passed at all, Chloe leaned into Rachel, and Rachel into Chloe.

They folded together in familiar ways.

They looked out to the sea.

Just like they always wanted to.

 

Neither really knew fully what to say.

 

Eventually, Chloe started with a sigh.

“You’re alive and … here, and … everything. Just like Nathan said …”

Her voice was sort of detached and distant, breathless.

Rachel’s body stiffened and she sighed wearily, too.

“He told you? Damn it.”

Chloe shook her head, barely.

“Not … at first. But he found me before I left for here, and … to thank me for what I had done for him and Victoria … he told me about the deal he made with you.”

Rachel considered for several seconds too long, progressively stiffening more and more.

But when Chloe’s hand found hers and just gently ran her fingers along the skin there, Rachel softened and relaxed, as she was wont to do around Chloe.

“ _Victoria_? You-know-what-nevermind, I ---”

Rachel hesitated and sat herself up to cross her arms defensively and look down at the floor.

Chloe slowly sat herself up straight as well to look over to her and see that delicate frown.

“I didn’t want … any of this. I didn’t want to hurt … anyone.”

She looked up to Chloe and sniffled just barely.

“I thought everything would be easier if I just … disappeared. But this is so _fucked_ … _nothing_ is like what I remember … it was all just a dumb fantasy and ---”

Chloe sighed and placed one of her hands once again on Rachel’s person, this time on her shoulder.

Rachel’s eyes went to it, and they were wavering, since they were so close to tears.

This clearly had been weighing down on her – maybe this stress was all it took to age her so severely so quickly.

For a few precious seconds, it was all they needed.

Rachel slowly uncrossed her arms and just smiled as she looked down again.

Her voice was still so fragile and halting, in a way Chloe ever heard, and only in moments of pure desperation.

“I fucked up.”

Chloe sighed so wearily and squeezed at Rachel’s shoulder.

Quiet.

Chloe ran her fingers over Rachel’s clothes there gently for a few seconds while they both considered.

“Yeah … you kinda did.”

Chloe’s voice was gentle, too, but just barely playful.

Playful enough for Rachel to pick up on it and appreciate it with a faint amused exhale.

“You’re not mad at me?”

Chloe frowned.

She looked back out to the sea and slumped towards Rachel again.

Rachel mirrored unconsciously but did cross her arms as well.

It still felt so natural even after all this time.

 

“Everyone I know … leaves me, or abandons me … when I need them the most.”

 

Rachel flinched at being grouped with the other burdens in Chloe’s life, but … she knew she deserved it.

Probably more than whatever Chloe could bring herself to say, anyway.

Chloe talked more to the sea than Rachel but even with the gentle seriousness of her voice, Rachel heard every syllable loud and clear.

She enjoyed feeling the slight rise and fall of Chloe’s chest from her position on her shoulder, too.

Chloe sighed.

“But … I’ve learned stuff. People leave me, but … they have their reasons. And sometimes … they come back and try make things up to me.”

Rachel blinked a few dozen times at Chloe’s outstandingly positive attitude.

She really was so fucking invincible.

It put some of her guilt a little bit at ease – leaving Chloe was easily the most regrettable of the people she had to part with.

Nathan, Mark, Frank – everyone else had their own lives and while some, particularly Nathan, had a lot of baggage to go through – they seemed like they could all pull through.

Rachel wasn’t sure that fit Chloe sometimes, though.

But clearly, she was wrong, and underestimated Chloe’s strength.

“That’s … really mature of you.”

The two of them shared an amused scoff.

Rachel couldn’t help a smirk that followed.

“Who are you and what you done with my Chloe Price, anyway?”

Chloe laughed, barely, distantly, and shook her head somewhat.

“It’s been years, Rachel … you won’t believe the shit that’s happened me to in the meantime.”

Rachel blinked but smiled wider and made a thoughtful sound.

“Oh? Like what?”

Chloe grinned and cracked her neck easily.

She started to splay out more confidently on the bench and moved one of her arms over Rachel’s backside and shoulder to tug her more into her side.

Rachel for her part simply melted into Chloe while they still watched the sea in front.

“Like … I fucked Victoria a lot.”

Rachel blinked only about a million times.

“You did what now?”

Chloe laughed more earnestly and loudly this time.

“After you left I kinda got in a dark place and … I dunno. One thing led to another. I was around her a lot because of those dumb parties and shit just happens, I guess.”

Rachel was still quite stunned at the news of _Victoria_ , of all people, but still, she couldn’t help a smirk.

“Gay shit does tend to happen around you … _wow_.”

Something then clicked very noticeably in Rachel’s mind and she shifted around to look up to Chloe, even if Chloe was still looking out to the sea.

“So Nathan let you in, then …”

Chloe hesitated but nodded slowly and looked down to Rachel herself – or as much as she could, anyway.

She smiled.

“Yeah. Could never figure out why he was so nice to me … until he told me about the deal.”

The two shared a small smile before Rachel melted back into Chloe’s side and sighed against her neck.

“The least I could do …”

Chloe nodded gently and rubbed at Rachel’s opposite shoulder.

“Yeah …”

 

There were no simple, easy, immediately satisfying answers for Chloe in the world.

Sometimes, people just hurt her.

But she understood some things better now that Max was around and back in her life.

She understood how Max thought about her time apart from Chloe, and how bad of a place she got in herself, and how much regret and shame Max felt about not being there.

She understood, ultimately, that Max wasn’t perfect.

Rachel wasn’t perfect.

 

Nobody was.

 

But that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy them for what they had to offer now.

Even if she had to kick their ass a little sometimes.

At first, Chloe felt herself pathetic for this urge to accept people like Max back into her life.

Now, though, she understood.

Forgiveness isn’t weakness.

It’s the greatest strength she ever had.

 

“How did you know I’d be around here, anyway?”

Rachel laughed, earnestly and so warmly, and the two smiled so wide.

“You have a full sleeve of tattoos and a perfect head of blue hair … you’re not exactly undercover agent material.”

The words, however, came with such an endeared tone.

Rachel had imagined this meeting going in so many directions, but she never expected Chloe to have matured and become such an amazing woman in her time apart.

All the more reason to be what she could to her now.

 

\---

 

Chloe finished telling the cliff notes version to Victoria.

Victoria was quiet the entire time through the story, both distracted and captivated by it.

 

“Wow … I guess it’s a small world after all.”

 

Chloe laughed.

“Yeah.”

Victoria hesitated some more.

“And you just … took her back.”

Chloe scoffed.

“We’re not dating, or anything … but I don’t hate her, either.”

Somehow, some way, this made Victoria feel … good.

She remembered how Chloe dwelled on _everything_ when they first started dating.

It seemed like she had grown up so much … was that all because of Victoria?

“I see … even after everything she said and did.”

Chloe sighed.

 

“Like I’m saying. She’s not perfect. No one is. But you just have to roll with the punches and keep moving on. Eventually shit gets better. Y’know.”

 

There it was.

Chloe’s invincibility laid so bare, so honestly, so wisely.

The strength that Victoria had fallen in love with.

And the blanket of words she quietly wrapped herself in now and absorbed with a warm sigh.

 

But even with her words, there were doubts and nagging little specters in Victoria’s mind.

“Well … I don’t feel like my life is ever going to get any better.”

Chloe made a thoughtful sound.

“What are you doing to make it better?”

Victoria groaned and closed her eyes for a few seconds.

She brought a hand up to harshly rub at her nose and cheek.

“What _aren’t_ I doing. I have a job, my grades are flawless, I have sex whenever I want, I can speak four languages and --- ”

Chloe exhaled pointedly into the receiver and Victoria somehow understood the meaning,

“--- I mean … what are you doing that makes you fulfilled?”

Victoria frowned.

“All of that _should_ be fulfilling.”

Chloe repeated the thoughtful sound.

“Yet here you are, having a quarter-life crisis.”

Victoria groaned more severely.

“ _Don’t_ call it that.”

She could hear Chloe chuckling, though, and knew she had on such a stupid grin … which made her smile a bit, too.

“But I guess.”

Chloe just hummed.

“I think you need to mean things to people, Vic. Like you said. You want people to care about you … give them a reason to.”

Victoria sighed.

“It’s not that simple.”

Chloe grunted.

“Why not?”

Victoria frowned.

“I …”

But her mouth was moving ahead of her mind.

Why not.

“I --- I can’t. You know that.”

Chloe groaned now.

“Vic … I was never interested in that bitchy emotionless robot you keep pretending you are.”

Victoria scoffed.

“Excuse me?”

Chloe sighed.

“You know what I mean. We got to where we were, once upon a time, because we cared for each other, and worked past that shit …”

Victoria frowned, and she frowned, and she frowned, and she frowned.

But no amount of displeasure on her face or thought wrinkling on her features could dispel Chloe’s simple words.

Maybe the only people that would have cared about her dying were the only ones she had ever opened up to.

And she never felt so satisfied in her life as when she had both around.

Fuck.

“… what if I hurt someone again?”

Victoria’s voice came out in a way neither expected.

Fragile.

Insecure.

Uncertain.

Halting.

She wasn’t even thinking about saying it, it just sort of came out, since Chloe was the closest thing she had to a therapist right now.

Chloe exhaled, amused.

“What did you say to me, all of that time ago? ‘Then you hurt for a bit, but the world keeps on turning?’”

Victoria closed her eyes and just considered.

“Do you have any more advice, oh mighty and wise sage?”

Chloe laughed, and it felt so good to make Chloe laugh.

Something else she had missed.

“Yeah, sure. ‘I will always have infinite tenderness for you’ … don’t you forget that.”

 

Victoria smiled.

And blushed a little, too.

Her emotions were kinda all jumbled up and fucked, but.

She needed this.

 

 

The week that followed was weird.

Victoria did her motions, but each day they felt more draining and insincere.

She participated less in class.

Friday came and went and she just couldn’t put the effort into going out anymore.

Everything just felt … wrong.

Chloe’s interjection wasn’t just sobering but it was intoxicating in its simplicity and convincingness.

The more she thought about it … the more Victoria knew she was right.

Victoria couldn’t live her life like this.

Maybe eventually, after she had enough money, enough things, enough people, maybe then her life would have some kind of meaning and value, maybe then she wouldn’t feel so empty and dead inside.

But Chloe knew how to make the circuitry in her body light on fire, and remind her that she wasn’t dead, and life meant more than this, and she could be more than what her family wanted of her.

 

The question was now who was she, really.

 

And it was a haunting sort of question that ate away at her for not just the week, but the month.

She took a break from her part-time job with the socially-acceptable excuse that it was just too burdensome without a car – and the car’s repairs would take quite some time.

She stopped going to some of her classes that she frankly didn’t need to go to and used the free time to just think and reflect on herself and what she had become.

Despite her entire life building up to it, Victoria wasn’t sure she could be what her father wanted.

Maybe no one could.

Her passion wasn’t in owning art galleries.

All her stuffy business management classes … ugh.

Victoria could pretend she could suffer through it for the money and the praise and the everything, but after the crash and the visceral reminder that she might be _gone_ tomorrow, the cognitive dissonance was just too strong.

 

It was about a month later when she invited a certain mousey girl back over to her place for a nice dinner, and perhaps other things too.

But it wasn’t as much about the sex, this time.

Victoria learned and remembered her name.

They had some nice, enjoyable conversation.

It felt good to make people laugh and smile.

And blush.

And she even called Chloe to talk about it, afterwards.

It was nice.

Victoria should do it more often.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victoria learns about her past.
> 
> She suffers, and drinks, and has nightmares -
> 
> Yet she is reborn, and pride, her once fatal flaw, is now her greatest strength.
> 
> Her father doesn't quite know how to handle it.
> 
> Good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content notice: parental abuse, alcohol abuse, sexual assault, transphobia

It was about a month later when Victoria’s mother visited with her sister.

Victoria had no socially-acceptable way to refuse them, and the visit was something of courtesy, since her car still wasn’t fixed, and she couldn’t very well visit her parents’ house without one.

When they knocked, Victoria answered the door, and was surprised to see just how much her sister had grown.

She blinked.

Victoria’s mother – Marie – just smiled and sort of awkwardly hugged her daughter.

“Hello, dear.”

Victoria didn’t actually mind her mother hugging her that much and responded in kind with an appropriate hug-back, though her eyes were still on her sister.

“Hi, mom.”

Victoria’s sister, of course, was buried in her phone, not looking up to either nor responding meaningfully to their hug.

That was at least somewhat understandable.

When the hug separated, Victoria finally looked over to her mother and stepped aside to let them in.

“Come in, I guess.”

She crossed her arms and sort of shrugged, but the two took the invitation well enough.

Her parents didn’t actually spend that much time – if at all – at Victoria’s place, so this was effectively the first time her mother got a good look at everything.

And get a good look at everything she did, humming contently as she walked into the living room.

Marie eventually stopped and looked to Victoria, who had since closed the door behind them.

“I like what you’ve done with the place.”

Victoria just shrugged again but uncrossed her arms and slowly walked towards her family.

“I think I get my design sensibilities from my dad.”

Marie sort of cocked an eyebrow at this and looked around again.

“Hmmm. Your father would probably complain about all of these fake plants.”

Victoria scoffed.

“Who said they were fake?”

Marie smiled.

“How dare I suppose that.”

Marie didn’t quite see her daughter as the sort to spend a lot of time taking care of real plants, but she never really saw her daughter as the kind of girl to chop all of her hair off and study business things in college, either.

Perhaps it _was_ her father’s influence.

Still, the two women shared a content amused sound and looked back to each other.

“I meant more of the paintings and furniture, anyway.”

Victoria stepped past her mother and effectively-absent younger sister to more of the living room proper, tapping some of her nails along the coffee table there.

“This pattern? It took going to no less than five stores. But I knew _exactly_ what I wanted.”

Marie hummed appreciatively as she crossed her arms and walked up behind her daughter.

“I would expect no less.”

Victoria had her amused scoff and turned around to face her mother.

She was smiling, gently.

It was always much easier for Victoria to talk to her mother than her father.

Logically, it didn’t make any sense, since the two had been married for so long they were effectively two halves of one whole.

But there was just something about the way her mother talked and smiled knowingly.

Marie wasn’t quite smiling right now, though.

There was a thoughtful frown on her features.

“I am, however, surprised your dad agreed to pay for all of this …”

She looked around again.

Nothing looked cheap.

This was all temporary furniture, anyway, while Victoria lived closer to college, right?

When she was finished with her studies she’d probably move right back in and sell all of this off.

Victoria shrugged.

 

“He … wanted me to live comfortably.”

 

The phrase made Marie sigh and nod a little.

“Of course.”

What was a couple thousand for the daughter he was most proud of?

 

Still, they weren’t to spend the whole day with small chit-chat.

Victoria simply hadn’t had the time to spend with her family for a while, and certainly not with her family with her father around.

Her father normally made a premium on time spent with his family, but Victoria noticed that changing in pretty significant ways since she’d moved out – and she wasn’t complaining.

Still.

It all meant she kept being surprised by just how much her little sister had grown.

They went to see a movie together and do some shopping – clothes, mostly – and her little sister wasn’t exactly present materially for all of it, but she still was around, and she still talked like the teenager she was.

It was a pretty surreal experience.

Since Victoria only knew her sister as a little sister, she never really got to know much of her personally.

Apparently, she was a writer and an artist, “which she got from me”, her mother would proudly beam.

Of course.

Victoria wasn’t the artist in the family.

She was the heir to her dad’s businesses.

Ugh.

Still, the day went by pretty inoffensively.

They saw some dumb movie, but Victoria really didn’t see enough movies these days, anyway.

They didn’t end up buying any clothes, but Victoria had the ‘pleasant’ experience of her mother often intoning that Victoria’s style was so similar to hers, when she was younger.

 _That_ was pretty surreal, too.

 

When they finished a pleasant family steak dinner and went back to Victoria’s place one last time, Marie insisted on a private conversation on her patio – which she of course had – while her sister sat pleasantly on her couch.

She was a slave to her phone, so it wasn’t too much of an ask, anyway.

Still.

Victoria wasn’t too sure what she could have wanted to talk about.

When they walked outside, Victoria sighed pleasantly and crossed her arms.

There was even more greenery here.

It was a peaceful kind of thing.

Marie followed Victoria’s eyes and tried to relax with her, but the subject on her mind was serious and weighing her down.

In truth, it was the whole reason she had bothered to come out here – not that seeing her daughter wasn’t nice in of itself.

She prepped herself to be rebuffed.

“Sweetie?”

Victoria hummed inquisitively.

Marie looked to Victoria.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Victoria grunted and closed her eyes.

Then she sighed, a little.

Victoria looked to Marie.

“I know …”

Marie frowned, slightly.

“So, when I see you moving away, or, trying to avoid time with us … it’s not _because_ of us, right?”

Victoria blinked.

She carefully looked over to her mother.

“Mom, I don’t – I’m not _avoiding_ …”

Fuck that felt like such a lie coming out, and Marie simply frowned more in response.

She crossed her arms herself.

As much as Victoria didn’t know how to handle her mother thinking they were similar, she had to admit the power pose was strikingly familiar.

“Victoria, _please_.”

Victoria sighed so painfully and looked off and away, to the greenery again.

“Alright. Fine. _Whatever_. You want to know … well, I don’t like dad. At all. So maybe I’m avoiding … a little.”

Marie kept her frown, but slowly evened out her expression.

“You know he tries so much, right?”

For some reason, this snapped something inside of Victoria.

She snapped back to looking at her mother and viciously uncrossed her arms.

“Well _maybe_ trying isn’t _enough_ , huh?”

Woah.

This … anger, felt a little weird.

Victoria immediately regretted it, and especially regretted raising her voice to her mother, and so sighed just as painfully as before and looked off again.

“… sorry.”

Marie watched her daughter and knew in her heart of hearts where the sudden anger was coming from, and why her daughter was so closed-off to them.

It’s what kept her steady throughout all of this.

“It’s fine, dear. It’s just … he’s from a different generation. We both are. He doesn’t – express things well, no men his age do, but … he cares for you, a lot, you know that? He’s so proud. I’m certain of it.”

Victoria kept herself calm through this barrage of excuses but just simply shook her head.

 

“I’m glad one of us can be, at least.”

 

The quiet that followed was pretty painful, but necessary, in a sense.

For Marie, there was room to reflect on how they had raised her, and in particular, how her father had.

For Victoria, there was room to try and see things from Marie’s point of view.

To try and think of her dad in a different way.

Eventually, her mother spoke first.

 

“Sometimes, I regret how we raised you. But … then I see the kind of person you became, and I know at least for me, I couldn’t be prouder …”

Victoria sighed and closed her eyes.

Could she argue with the results?

Maybe a little.

“Mom, I’m not … perfect, or anything.”

She looked off to Marie and opened her eyes.

“I’ve got a few bottles of Vodka stashed away. I like getting drunk on Friday nights.”

Victoria expected her mother to be offended, or shocked, or otherwise disturbed, but she just shrugged at the news and hummed flatly.

“I can respect that, dear. We all have our demons.”

Victoria blinked.

She kept looking at her mother for a few seconds and both of their expressions became neutral and soft.

They both looked off to the scenery, again.

“I expected … moralizing.”

Marie laughed a little and shook her head quietly.

“I said you could tell me anything. I wouldn’t be making very good on that promise if I judged you for anything you revealed, would I?”

She smiled.

“You’re an adult now, dear. Expect me to treat you like one.”

 _You’re an adult now, dear_.

That was … new.

Her parents always saw her as their child, first and foremost, something to mold into their image and successor.

Was that changing, now that she had time away from them …?

Is that what growing up meant?

“I … guess I’m not used to thinking of it that way.”

Marie nodded, herself.

“Your father still struggles with the idea. It’s novel for me, even. But since you’ve moved out I’ve had a _lot_ of time to think about you, and, well, _us_ …”

Victoria hummed thoughtfully, but didn’t respond, so her mother just continued,

“I just want you to keep us in your life, in whatever way you want, going forward.”

She hesitated.

“Do you know what you’re doing after college?”

Victoria groaned and hesitated herself.

She raised a hand up to rub at her temples.

 

“No.”

 

This was new, too, and Marie responded appropriately, with a sigh, and carefully uncrossing her arms.

“Your father is pretty confident you’ll be his protégé.”

Victoria shook her head slightly.

“Just one more reason for me not to like him, I guess.”

Victoria knew this wasn’t really fair to do – the whole point of him giving her all of this money, paying for her to go to a fancy school, was so that she could resume where he left off.

To keep the name of the family going into a new generation.

Just, ever since the crash …

Marie nodded sort of sadly.

“I see. How’s the car …?”

Victoria shrugged.

“Still being repaired. I guess most of the pillars and struts had to be replaced. Doors. Windows. Wheels. Everything.”

Marie hesitated.

She knew Victoria simply didn’t tell them about the accident until she pretty much had to, so she was careful about pushing for too much more.

But she felt like their relationship had changed for the better, today.

“Do you think about what would have happened if you got hurt in it …?”

Victoria groaned and closed her eyes, probably wondering how much she wanted to share with her mother, of all people.

But eventually, she opened her eyes and looked to her mother again, who happily met her eyes.

“… yeah. All the time.”

Marie sighed.

“It’s unfortunate that that, of all things, is going to be one of your strongest memories …”

Victoria sighed, too, slightly annoyed at her mother bringing this up once again, so she just crossed her arms and looked away.

Marie hesitated when she saw the very obvious body language, and once again had to consider just how far to push.

“You know … I, was talking, to some people, about that … they … they say children can repress memories, when … traumatic things happen.”

Victoria noticed how her mother’s tone changed, here, becoming sort of fragile and halting.

“I suppose you have a point somewhere in this …?”

Marie scoffed a little, somehow amused, and imitated the arm-crossing.

“I was _trying_ to be gentle when I brought this up.”

Victoria just scoffed herself and shook her head, slightly.

“Spare me the pleasantries. Hit me.”

Marie uncrossed her arms.

“Alright.”

She turned to face Victoria fully, and noticeably hesitated.

Victoria, at least, reciprocated.

 

“Victoria. Do you think your father … beating, you, did this?”

 

Victoria blinked a few dozen times.

“He …”

 

But the words simply didn’t come.

Something else came, instead.

 

\---

 

A much younger Victoria contently cleaned herself in the shower.

Her gentle humming was the only noise other than the sound of the reassuringly warm waters.

Today was like any other day, late at night, after school.

Her typical shower for her typical night, ready to go to her typical bed.

 

But things weren’t all that typical.

When she finished showering herself, she turned off the hot waters, and shook herself like a cat, a little bit.

Then, with a grin, she opened the shower stall door, walked out, and moved to grab her towel.

She flung it right over herself –

But immediately, she realized something was wrong.

Something was _crawling_ on her.

 

Horrified, she tore the towel off, started to spank at herself where she thought the crawling was, and started to scream.

 

Her parents came into the bathroom, not much later.

“What, what, what’s wrong ---”

Which of the two said this Victoria simply didn’t matter since something – a bug, maybe a fucking _roach_ was _on her_ and –

“Bug! Bug! Bug!”

 

Her father frowned.

Her mother moved forward, but –

Her father stopped her.

Instead, he moved in front of Victoria, and –

 

 

Smack.

 

 

It stopped her screaming, at least.

Coldly, he flicked the roach off her hair, stomped on it with his shoe, and moved to find her towel and place it on her, again.

“Victoria. You are a Chase. I’ve told you this before. You control yourself. You remain the master of the situation at all times.”

He rubbed at her shoulders through the towel, but she simply wasn’t hearing anything.

Instead of screaming, now, she was just crying.

“Do I make myself clear?”

Victoria didn’t respond.

After a few moments, her father grunted and left Victoria.

He muttered something to her mother, but her mother just sighed so wearily, and came to kneel down in front of Victoria.

She wrapped her arms around and cooed affectionately, but it was too late.

 

The damage was done.

 

\---

 

“My father … beat me.”

 

When Victoria fully worked through this, she could only helplessly blink as she looked out to the expanse of greenery and concrete in front of her.

For some reason, her mother confirming it felt like it physically unlocked parts of her brain, memories that she probably didn’t want to have in the first place.

Marie just quietly stared at her daughter, uncertain how to process this reaction.

She looked totally broken.

It tore at her heart as much as anything ever could.

“Like I said, I’m not – we didn’t – we _tried_ our best, but – he’s –“

Victoria just shook her head.

“--- Mom, please …”

She sounded so drained, too.

She rubbed at her temples.

“I … think I need a drink …”

Despite everything, her mother smiled sadly.

“I can go make you a very talented screwdriver.”

Victoria heard the playfulness, but in her daze, it didn’t register right.

“Just … get me the bottle. It’s in the cabinet above the fridge.”

Her mother hesitated.

Victoria’s cold response felt like nothing else, today.

“… right.”

But off she went, anyway.

 

When the door closed behind her, Victoria sighed so, so wearily, and leaned against the wall behind her.

She slowly fell down onto her ass and brought her knees up, wrapping her arms around, and just looking down at herself.

Her father beat her.

And that’s probably why she didn’t remember things – she repressed them.

Just like her mother theorized … fuck.

What else was she keeping away in her brain …?

What else was her brain hiding from her, for her own sanity …?

Victoria felt new pieces falling into places, new pieces of herself come alive again, new memories unshackled and coming to the front of her cognition.

She didn’t ask for it.

It just came, anyway.

 

Eventually, Marie came back out, and handled her daughter the full bottle of straight Vodka she had indeed stashed away.

She saw more than a few bottles in there … but everyone had their demons.

Victoria accepted the bottle with a flat ‘thank you’ and immediately took what Marie knew to be about a shot, hardly even flinching or responding to the flavor, which was almost more concerning than the number of bottles themselves.

Still, she sat down next to her daughter, and tried to understand her position not from the angle of being her daughter, but from the angle of being her friend.

Maybe a drink right now was the least worrying thing Victoria could draw upon in her time of need.

At least she didn’t get unhinged or violent …

At least she took that from her mother.

Eventually, after Victoria had taken another drink or two, Marie felt obligated to continue talking about it.

“I guess … you had repressed that.”

Victoria nodded.

“I guess so.”

Marie sighed.

“Do you … hate me? Or him? For it?”

Victoria thought about it, but just slumped down some more, letting her legs come out far and flat in front of her, and placing the bottle down.

She looked at the concrete underneath them and thought about it.

“No. _Yes_ … I don’t know.”

She sighed and moved a hand up to run some fingers through her hair.

“I don’t know. I … need to think about this.”

Marie smiled, so sadly.

“Okay. But … I’m always here if you want to talk about it, okay?”

Victoria thought about it a few seconds longer and looked up with a frown.

“Why did you let him?”

Marie frowned, herself.

“Victoria, I – I told you, we’re from a different generation and ---”

Victoria scoffed, and looked forward.

She brought the bottle up for another drink.

When it came down,

“--- things were different back then. _I know_.”

The way she said this teetered on sorrow and anger all at once, and it still tore at Marie’s heart strings.

It truly was one of the things she did regret about raising her first, but … hard to argue with the results.

Eventually, Marie stood herself up.

 

“… right. Well. I guess I’ll give you your time to think about things. Just know that … I’m sorry, and - I’m so, _so_ – happy, you turned out the way you did … despite everything that happened to you.”

 

Maybe with this new perspective of her mother probably remembering everything her father did to her, maybe that’s why this felt genuine, for once.

It felt _earned._

Still, Victoria did want her time to think, and her mother and sister did leave, giving her that time to think.

 

As it turns out, though, Victoria didn’t like a single goddamn thought that came from it.

She got pretty fucking drunk that night and invited a certain someone over to help distract her from the bullshit.

 

\---

 

A younger Victoria was sitting in her childhood bed, watching some mindless TV after having done her homework.

One of her friends, some boy from middle school, had studied with her throughout the afternoon.

Victoria’s father was working late, and her mother was out shopping.

That was pretty fine and typical.

Their house was so fucking huge them being gone or home didn’t make that much of a difference, anyway.

But there was something different about this afternoon.

Victoria had been lazing on her bed, sprawled, and her friend was sitting at the foot of the bed.

But he got up.

Victoria blinked.

“Move it, zidiot. You’re blocking the TV with your big fat head.”

Her friend quickly got out of the way, but where he moved to just raised eyebrows.

He moved to her door, somewhat pointlessly yet pointedly locking it, before turning around to face Victoria.

“Victoria …”

Victoria was suddenly aware of the fact there was only one way out of the room, of course, and he was blocking it.

She didn’t know why, but it started to make her skin crawl a little.

“… what?”

And her voice came out – very not her.

Fragile, almost.

Her friend carefully stepped away from her door and to the side of her bed.

He took one of her hands.

Victoria, for some reason, didn’t resist, and she didn’t know _why_ she didn’t resist or –

“I need you to help me with something …”

Victoria felt like her body was completely frozen except for her hand as he maneuvered it onto his knee, then up his legs, and eventually up to the waist line of his shorts.

“… don’t tell anyone about this, okay?”

 

He shoved her hand into his shorts.

 

\---

 

An older Victoria woke up with a gasp so wretched and pained.

She immediately sat up ram-rod stiff in her bed, still a little intoxicated from how much she had drunk and looked around her surroundings.

Everything was pitch black.

Dark.

Hostile.

Her eyes made shapes of tall strange humanoids off in the corners of her room, twisting, ethereal, yet definitely present –

Her ears heard odd, unforgiving noises, that surely weren’t natural –

Her breathing was going a million miles an hour.

 

But Victoria wasn’t alone, in this room.

 

The other person who had been sleeping in the bed gently groaned and unconsciously got up to wrap herself around Victoria.

And in her warmth, Victoria could close her eyes, and find some peace.

She calmed her breathing.

Eventually, when she opened her eyes again, she of course saw no suspicious figures around her room – just the usual fixtures and patterns that one would expect late at night.

She melted into her lover’s grasp.

Her lover tiredly mumbled,

“What’s wrong …?”

Victoria sighed and laid down, again.

That was … new.

A nightmare?

A memory?

She remembered the boy’s name, and knew he hung out sometimes during her childhood, but she couldn’t definitively say if that series of events happened or not.

The fuck.

Was she insane?

Normal people don’t doubt their memories like that, do they …?

“I … had a nightmare.”

The other woman just murmured and tiredly kissed some part of Victoria’s body.

“Can I kiss it ‘n make it better?”

And despite, well, everything, the response made her smile.

She brought her arms around and tightly hugged the other woman close, even raising a hand up to gently play with her hair.

“You can try …”

 

Victoria had a weird thought, that night.

Maybe it didn’t matter if she was abused.

Maybe it didn’t matter if she had nightmares, now.

Maybe all that mattered was she had someone who cared and loved her and accepted her for who she was.

 

The woman giggled and started randomly, lazily, tiredly kissing all along Victoria’s body, and she giggled, too.

She easily put the nightmare out of her mind with this distracting presence around.

 

More time ticked by, and Victoria started to learn some more things.

She learned the nightmares were just a part of her life, now.

She couldn’t figure out what in particular triggered them, and she could rarely safely tell if they were bullshit or resurfaced memories.

Or maybe a bit of both.

But she noticed they came around less when she drunk, so she did more of that, and they sucked less when she woke up in someone else’s arms, so she did more of that, too.

Victoria learned her sisters looked up to her, with her eldest even considering going into business school to be just like her.

That was … weird.

She appreciated the thought, though.

More importantly, though, Victoria kept learning what she learned that important night when she had her first memory-nightmare.

She needed _someone_.

She needed _something_.

She needed to wake up next to someone and have them tell her that they loved her and cared for her and understood her and didn’t judge her for her faults or judge her for her attitude or –

 

She needed it.

 

She tried so hard to excuse it, or find some way to explain it away or rationalize it or otherwise excuse it, but –

By three months after her crash, there was simply no getting around it.

Victoria was a lesbian.

She needed a woman to love.

This last ‘gift’ her father gave her, fucking nightmares apparently, only helped to push her over the edge.

No amount of his money helped to patch over the holes in her heart and mind.

 

Victoria was fucking done pretending she could be this business robot her father wanted out of her.

 

When Victoria was younger, pride was something of a mixed bag.

It was on one level necessary – she was a Chase.

But it was, at the same time, a sin, that ate away at her, and left her envious of others who seemingly had more pride with less effort.

But the Victoria of today learned there were actually two kinds of pride.

There’s pride in petty things – names, status symbols, wealth –

And then there’s pride in who you are as a person.

All her life, Victoria had been proud of her name and her money, but that only went so far, and left her feeling inadequate variously, particularly to people with better names or more money.

But now, Victoria was learning this sin was actually her greatest strength.

Victoria could be exactly who she wanted to be, and she could tell herself she _needed_ to be this person for her own happiness.

 

She was Victoria fucking Chase.

She survived everything life put her through and she didn’t have to be afraid of who she was, anymore.

This, she realized, could be her invincibility.

 

She could be like Chloe.

 

It was fully six months after her crash before she had made some plans and arranged some things.

She invited a certain someone over to discuss.

When she knocked, Victoria opened the door, and her girlfriend gasped.

“Your hair …”

Victoria smirked and scoffed, raising a hand up to feel at her hair.

Still an undercut, but now a gloriously bright shade of pink.

“I fucking love it.”

Her girlfriend just smiled and giggled, coming forward to wrap her arms around and tightly hug Victoria.

“I do too …”

Victoria smiled and giggled too, but … there was a reason for inviting her over, and it wasn’t just the hair.

“Sophia …”

And the way she used her name, Victoria’s girlfriend, Sophia, slowly realized they were probably about to have a more sober conversation.

So after a few seconds, she sighed, nodded, and moved to close the door behind them and take a seat on one of Victoria’s bar stools.

Victoria sat on the one adjacent to her.

Sophia spoke first.

“What is it …?”

Victoria sighed, looking between her and one of her walls.

“I’m moving.”

Sophia blinked.

“You – what? You haven’t even –“

Victoria raised a hand up,

“- I know.”

She looked to her girlfriend.

“I’m … tired. Of all of this. Of everything. I’m not a business major, really –“

Sophia frowned a little,

“Vee, c’mon, you can – like – switch majors, and stuff, it’s not the end of the world ---”

Victoria frowned herself.

“ _Soph_.”

The two went quiet.

Sophia looked down to herself.

Victoria did, too.

“It’s more than that. I’m … going to come out to my dad. My family. He is … almost certainly going to go nuclear and disown me. But …”

She sighed.

“I’ve made that bed to lay in, already.”

Sophia sighed and considered, herself.

Victoria coming out to her family was pretty huge.

In the intervening months they’d slowly became closer, and closer, and the more she learned about Victoria’s family, the less she liked.

She didn’t doubt Victoria’s father doing that for one second.

Still …

“Are you … y’know … sure you want to do this?”

Victoria hesitated, but nodded.

“I am. I’ve … been thinking about it, a lot, lately …”

Sophia sighed once again, and thought about things for a few seconds.

She gently brought her hands forward to gently stroke and caress at one of Victoria’s.

Victoria allowed the affection.

“Well, you know I support you, no matter what you do.”

Victoria smiled and nodded, bringing the bundle of hands up so she could very gingerly rub her cheek against it affectionately.

“I know. And I’m so thankful for that.”

She hesitated, but they could both sense the ‘but’ that Victoria didn’t say.

Sophia absorbed the affection from her girlfriend for a few moments before eventually bringing her hands down back into her lap.

“But …?”

Victoria hesitated for a few seconds too, slowly letting her hand fall back down now that her girlfriend’s hands had left it.

“But. I’m not asking you to move with me. I know you’ve got your program and you’re – like – super happy with it, or whatever.”

Sophia nodded.

 

“I don’t see myself moving anytime soon, Vee …”

 

Victoria realized she was having this conversation _again_ , but somehow, it didn’t feel as gut-wrenching.

Maybe it was with the perspective Chloe gave her about everything.

How Chloe didn’t need the relationship to last forever for it to still be meaningful and special to her.

They were both quiet for some moments, thinking about the implications and innuendo of everything.

Eventually, Victoria just smirked a little.

“That’s fine. You can stay here and be a real lady killer.”

It was hard not to have flashbacks to her conversation with Chloe, about this.

_Without me being your ball and chain, anymore._

Sophia scoffed gently and shook her head.

“You sound like you’re real choked up about this …”

She didn’t sound offended, though, just endeared.

Victoria kept her smirk and got off from her chair, standing in front of Sophia.

“Soph.”

Sophia got up, too, and they melted together in comfortable, familiar ways.

Victoria kissed her a few times, lazily, carelessly, to whatever part of her body she could, while they squeezed each other’s hands and swung them around.

Eventually, they broke their hands apart, so Victoria could raise one of them up to Sophia’s cheek, while her girlfriend easily settled her hands down in Victoria’s sides.

“Yeah, vee …?”

Victoria was smiling so genuinely, so wide, now.

“All good things must come to an end. But I’ll never forget the time I had with you, and I’ll never regret it.”

They shared that warm smile, and Sophia simply couldn’t let that go without another kiss.

This one, then, was slower, more romantic, much more of a making-out kind of thing.

When they separated, a little breathless, they just started into each other’s eyes, and carefully noted the slight gaping of their mouths and gentle tremble of their hands.

Eventually, Victoria broke the silence.

“Will you?”

Sophia simply smiled.

“No.”

The two girls started giggling and almost started making out again but Victoria had to groan and pull herself away from her too-affectionate girlfriend.

“Okay, okay – enough – you’re going to me flustered. And there’s … one more thing I wanted to talk about, anyway.”

Sophia blinked.

“What?”

Victoria grinned.

 

“I want you to be there when I come out to my father.”

Sophia blinked.

But then the two women started to giggle, again.

Victoria and her schemes.

 

By the fateful night, Victoria’s car had been long-repaired.

Sophia could only gasp when she saw Victoria sitting pretty in the car.

It was like someone had flipped a switch in Victoria’s brain, telling her she didn’t have to be such a massive heartless bitch all of the time.

And now, in her pretty dress, with her pretty eyes, colorful hair, and over-sized pride bracelet …

Victoria’s father would be an idiot to have a problem with her.

Sophia got into her car with some blushing giggles and obviously stared doe-eyed at Victoria the entire way to her parent’s mansion-like house.

It was, of course, first time she had seen it … and it really put into perspective her family’s wealth.

And perhaps, some of Victoria’s reticence to let it go.

When they parked out front, Sophia half expected a chauffer to pop out and offer to take their coats for them or whatever.

That’s what rich people had, right?

Instead, she saw Victoria gripping her steering wheel and breathing a bit too harshly.

She turned off the car but didn’t open her door.

Sophia hesitated for a few seconds, but moved one of her hands over to grasp at one of Victoria’s and gently take it off the wheel to hold it.

The two women were quiet for a while thereafter – Sophia just gently stroking the hand afforded to her, trying to ease over the last minute anxiety.

 

But they both knew, ultimately, this is what Victoria needed.

 

A while later, they kissed and got out of the car, Sophia staying wordlessly close to her girlfriend as they walked up the ostentatious steps and into the even more flagrant display of wealth that was her parent’s vestibule.

Sophia hadn’t even been in a house with a vestibule before.

Still, no servants or anything – Victoria took off her coat and placed it on a coatrack by hand.

Sophia started to do this herself but was surprised when a gentleman in a pleasant suit hurriedly walked in and helped her off with it.

Victoria had already stormed away.

Sophia sighed a little and quietly thanked the servant, since that was surely expected of her, and hesitated.

“Victoria didn’t wait.”

The man sighed himself.

“She never does.”

He shook his head briefly,

 

“You’ll find the dining room to the left.”

 

In one sense, Sophia felt odd to have her girlfriend just walk away like that, but in another sense, it was a very Victoria thing to do.

And Sophia enjoyed taking a little bit of time to appreciate the sheer grandeur on display here, since she had a feeling it was a first-and-last lifetime experience.

And honestly, this really wasn’t her ‘rite of passage’.

She was here to help and support Victoria, of course, but she couldn’t very well come out to Victoria’s dad for her or anything.

Still … to throw away the potential of inheriting all of this, just because Victoria wanted to be honest with herself … Sophia was even more proud of her than she thought she was.

 

She found the dining room soon enough.

 

Appropriately, the seating felt almost adversarial; the dining room sported a massive table that easily sat two dozen or more, yet Victoria was sitting on one far end, and her parents the other.

The ambient lighting in the room was dark and almost mysterious – since it was night, all of the curtains were drawn – and of course the curtains were this expensive-looking red tapestry with golden embroidery and tassels and such.

The most striking, thing, then, was the main source of light in the room – the fire place on the far side, behind Victoria’s parents, almost silhouetting them were it not for the smaller candles situated in front of them, revealing bits and pieces of them.

If everything wasn’t so … big, it’d almost be romantic, in a sense.

Instead, Sophia found it a little harrowing, particularly from how the lighting did _not_ make the paintings and decorations any more comforting, and the sheer sizes of these rooms always providing an echo when anyone so much as made a peep.

Still.

After a moment or two to take things in, Sophia realized she was just standing, like a commoner, and quickly took her seat next to Victoria.

Victoria had already taken to quietly picking away at her food – they’d both been given a fancy steak, of course embellished and served with appropriates sides and cutlery.

It took Sophia a few seconds to remember what all was for what, but her table manners hadn’t entirely evaporated in her time in college.

 

The next unsettling thing was the feeling that everyone was just going to have their meal quietly.

 

Sophia had family dinners, of course, and they were not like this – they were supposed to be happy, or at least, relaxed and intimate affairs, with people exchanging stories, catching up with relatives, or just making inside jokes and banter.

Instead, Victoria just ate her food, and Sophia did too, while the almost larger-than-life distant figures of her parents did much the same.

At least there was some wine …

 

Sophia uneasily ate her food and tried to relax.

But it was clear everyone in the room was on a simmer to boil, just waiting for the moment to snap.

 

That moment came, as many such moments did, after Victoria’s father had a glass of wine or four and slammed his glass down on the table with a grunt.

“I didn’t intend for you to sit all the way over _there_ , we have placements for ---”

Victoria pleasantly put her utensils down and wiped her mouth clean with a napkin,

“--- I am just fine over here. As is my girlfriend.”

She looked at Sophia sidelong, who nodded in confirmation, but thankfully wasn’t expected to speak.

The silence that followed was only punctuated by Victoria’s father tapping his fingers on the table – is that where Victoria picked that habit from? – and the cackling of the fire behind them all.

“I _see_ … So, it _is_ true then, and ---”

Victoria simply looked right back,

“--- of course it is. I’m not going to bother hiding it any longer.”

Sophia watched Victoria’s mother watch the exchange almost helplessly.

She had a sense people rarely talked over the patriarch, as Victoria did, from the way he hesitated and considered obviously after each interruption.

He was clearly picking his words and battles.

But, if there was one person who could talk over another, despite their charisma or presence, it was certainly Victoria …

Victoria went back to eating.

Victoria’s father demurred and brought his hands together to clasp them over his plate, almost bowing his head a little.

“You’re not making this easy for me – first that Emily _freak_ , now ---”

Something in the room changed – somehow – Victoria _slammed_ her knife and fork down on her plate and stared up at him.

“--- _Enough_. His name is _Nathan_. And _no_ – despite your _constant_ haranguing, there was _nothing_ between us.”

Mr. Chase furrowed his brow and took another long sip of his wine.

Victoria, meanwhile, looked over to Sophia.

“… even if I _wanted_ something to be between us. It’s not a mistake I’m _ever_ making again.”

Sophia blinked and wordlessly looked over to Victoria.

Despite how cold and cruel Victoria’s words and demeanor had been this entire exchange, and her standoffish posture now with her arms crossed, there was warmth here, and a smile on her face when she looked over to her girlfriend.

“Kiss me.”

Sophia blinked again, but obligingly inched her seat a bit closer as Victoria did to hers –

She closed her eyes, and leaned forward –

Mr. Chase _slammed_ on the table with his hand, and Sophia gasped but –

Victoria didn’t care.

She wrapped her hands around and brought her girlfriend that much closer for one quick, but impassioned kiss, before smiling again and almost painfully ratcheting her gaze back to her father after a few too many seconds.

Mrs. Chase was quietly talking to him, but Mr. Chase’s posture could not be any clearer – firm, hands wide, almost dominating the entire width of the table, eyes heavy on Victoria.

“No daughter of mine is some – _dyke_.”

Victoria didn’t even hesitate.

“Then I am no daughter of yours, and this house is no home of mine, and your wealth is not my lineage.”

Both she and Mr. Chase stood up, and both Sophia and Mrs. Chase stood up in kind to place their hands on their companion’s shoulder, trying to keep the temperature of the room just _that_ much slightly lower, but –

“Leave.”

Mr. Chase was done, as was Victoria, both now arms crossed.

Sophia, at least, didn’t have to wonder very hard about where Victoria’s attitude came from …

“Done.”

Victoria rolled her shoulders and closed her eyes for a few seconds, then looked to her mother.

“The steak was lovely, mom.”

She sounded almost inappropriately chipper and happy, perhaps politely faked.

But the contrast between mother and father couldn’t be any greater, and even if Mrs. Chase could only smile and offer quiet thanks, it was something that stuck with Sophia for a while thereafter.

Victoria offered no further pleasantries, as she did when she entered, and left the house as coldly as she came in.

Once again, Sophia entertained the servants while Victoria snubbed them.

As the gentleman helped her put the coat back on, he had only a few simple words for Sophia.

 

“It was inevitable. Don’t worry, my dear. I’m sure the missus will patch things over shortly.”

 

That, too, would stick with Sophia for a while.

Apparently, everyone knew about Victoria's sexuality, and it still was such a big deal for Mr. Chase.

No wonder Victoria could be so constipated about these issues.

 

They left.

Victoria fucked her, again, that night, after drinking perhaps a bit too much.

And Sophia, once again, woke up early in the morning to help calm down a trembling, terrified Victoria.

Maybe Victoria wasn’t perfect, but Sophia loved her all the same.

And she never remembered Victoria being so passionate before.

 

She was going to leave soon.

But that was okay.

Victoria had done a surprising amount for her in the short while they had dated and insisted quite strongly that she would keep in touch.

 

Sophia never learned what happened after that, with Victoria’s family.

She almost didn’t want to know.

She wasn’t going to forget Mr. Chase’s cold green eyes staring daggers to them while the fire rose behind him, ever.

She couldn’t even imagine what those eyes would have done to her were she a child and dependent on his care.

 

\---

 

It was a normal workday afternoon like any other for Chloe.

Job done.

Pants off.

Ass on the couch.

TV on.

Beer in hand.

Max somewhere nearby, idly snuggled into her.

Probably not watching the TV.

But that was fine.

 

Something a little unusual then happened, during some commercial break, when Chloe was reading the nutrition information for her beer for the nine millionth time –

 

The doorbell rang.

 

She closed her eyes and groaned, laying down even more lazily so her head intruded into Max’s lap and over whatever book the nerd had been reading.

She blinked her eyes open with a stupid grin.

“Can you get it, maxxie?”

Max sighed a bit too wearily, but carefully picked Chloe’s head up so she could quietly close her book and move to the door to answer it.

Score.

Like Chloe was going to put on pants for some Jehovah’s witness or whatever.

Max then opened the door and … audibly gasped.

That was weird enough for Chloe to sit up and look at her backside from her vantage point on the couch.

What –

“Where’s Chloe?”

 _No way_.

Chloe blinked and recognized that voice immediately –

She got up from the couch and damn she could be fast when she wanted to –

She inelegantly butted her way into Max’s side to look at the stranger at their doorstep and –

 

It was Victoria.

… kind of.

 

This Victoria was … different.

Like Max, it took the breath away from Chloe to witness it, since the change was almost perverse.

Victoria’s hair was even shorter and gayer and dyed an even brighter and more outrageous color than Chloe’s – some pink affair –

Her clothes were more business casual, but there was no missing that pride bracelet –

More importantly, just her posture, and the way she carried herself was different.

And there was no greater way to emphasize that difference than the way she smiled warmly when she saw Chloe.

 

But Victoria didn’t stop there.

 

She took one, two, three steps closer, got up on her tippy toes –

She kissed the still stunned Chloe, and closed her eyes afterwards, just appreciating the intimacy, while Chloe … pretty much didn’t respond at all in her shock.

“I missed you.”

Chloe finally worked through her shock enough to slowly raise her hands up –

“Vic, you’re ---”

Victoria breathed in sharply and pushed Chloe off to the side,

“--- different. Don’t I know it.”

She looked to Max, instead.

Chloe did, too.

Max was still properly shocked.

Victoria eyed her for a few moments longer.

“Who’s this? Wait – Caulfield, right?”

Max just blinked and blinked and blinked but eventually nodded –

Victoria looked over to Chloe,

“She your girlfriend now?”

Chloe blinked and opened her mouth, but –

Victoria scoffed and looked back to Max instead, stepping right in front of her.

“Never mind. Doesn’t matter. You want a kiss too, Max _ine_?”

Chloe watched as Victoria did much the same to Max as she did to Chloe, and Max was precisely no better at handling it, though at least Chloe didn’t blush madly like some kind of virgin when Victoria separated.

And there was less lingering.

Victoria still shoved her to the side, too, though, to walk into their apartment.

Chloe looked to Victoria, then back to Max, who quietly mouthed a ‘what is going on’ and Chloe could only shrug and mouth back a ‘I don’t know’.

Eventually, Chloe regained enough presence of mind to see some of Victoria’s luggage and quietly hoist it up into the room with them, closing the front door behind them.

She rubbed her lips with the back of her hand and walked up behind Victoria, gently placing a hand on her shoulder.

“So, uh … I’m guessing there’s a story behind all of this.”

Victoria had just been standing there with her arms crossed, observing, but at Chloe’s touch she sighed contently and turned around to face her.

 

“There is. And I’m sure you have many questions.”

 

Chloe nodded, but –

Rachel left the bedroom, probably woken up by all of the commotion, herself only slightly more dressed than Chloe.

She blinked, then shook her head violently as if disbelieving her eyes, then smirked and playfully crossed her arms.

“Damn, Chase. You look gay.”

Victoria grunted, looking to Rachel only briefly, before back to Chloe.

 

“She doesn’t get a kiss.”

  

As weird as it was to have Victoria just show up, looking like … this, Chloe couldn’t help but snicker, and even Rachel giggled, too.

There was a lot of explaining to do.

But as they all smiled, it seemed like everything was just going to work out.

Even if the betting markets were on Rachel and Victoria being awful roommates, the adult versions of them both were different people.

 

They all were, really.

 

There was a lot of catching up to do, but first … there was a dream to fulfill, too.

Max always handled scary movies poorly.

Victoria didn’t handle them much better, but she _was_ better at hiding it.

Chloe and Rachel mostly weren’t fazed, but it was still fun to tease the other girls about it.

And it was just … nice.

When Chloe fell asleep that night, tucked between the various women in her life she had at once confusing and at twice intimate feelings for, it was with a big, stupid smile on her face.

The movie was over now, only static on the TV, turned down to a comforting background noise, while the cool Los Angeles air gently wafted over them from their opened windows.

While Rachel and her always dreamed of the fast life in LA, Chloe dreamed also of the quiet intimate moments, too.

At first with Rachel, then with Victoria, then with Max …

She didn’t quite know how the situation was going to work out romantically between all of them – and she hadn’t been figuring it out in the some months since Rachel moved in, either, but that was okay.

She had time.

She could enjoy the intimacy, in the mean while.

And just appreciate what a dream come true this all was, even with the agonizing it took to get here.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victoria wants a date, and she gets it.
> 
> It's her favorite date, maybe of her entire life.
> 
> Now re-minted girlfriends, their lives continue.
> 
> Together.

As they were wont to do, Chloe was drinking a beer, watching TV, and Max was sitting next to her, reading, while Rachel slept.

There was a new addition, though.

Victoria came home a ways into the familiarity.

She earned a small wave from Max and Chloe and was expected to go into the bedroom to resume her work.

She did not go into the bedroom.

Instead, Victoria marched over to the couch and swiped Chloe’s beer out of her hand.

Chloe grunted. 

“Hey, I was drinking that.“

Victoria put it down on the end table in front of them while Chloe stood up and crossed her arms.

Victoria sighed very gently and crossed her arms as well, standing right front of her now.

“Is this what you want to do for the rest of your life?”

Chloe blinked.

Max looked up to the two, since this sounded like it was going somewhere interesting.

“Huh?”

Victoria sighed more wearily this time, looking down and closing her eyes.

“Going to work. Coming home. Drinking beer until you fall asleep. Rinse and repeat until we bury you six feet under?”

Chloe sighed herself and hesitated for a second or two before uncrossing her arms.

“What’s this about, Vic? When did you become my mom?”

Victoria sort of rolled her eyes and looked up.

“I literally just had a quarter-life crisis, as you so wonderfully described it, dumbass.”

She looked away,

“And it came from not being able to just do this bullshit without having some kind of meaning.”

She looked back to Chloe.

“So … that. I want you to have that.”

Chloe crossed her arms again and looked down to Victoria carefully, but she did start to smile.

Victoria always had her spines and difficult behaviors but she did care, too.

Chloe was tempted to touch her gently and affectionately since those habits hadn’t died with distance, but Victoria beat her too it, anyway.

Victoria, seeing Chloe’s hesitation and correctly assessing she wanted to do something physical, stepped that much closer and hugged her.

This … was new.

Victoria had only been here a few days but her changes in behavior took some getting used to.

She used to be so controlled and careful about when she started affection, but now … Chloe sighed happily into Victoria’s hair.

Victoria lingered on the hug for a bit.

“I’m serious, Chloe …”

Chloe couldn’t help but smile, still.

She didn’t quite know how to describe her relationships with _anyone_ in this household, but Victoria’s return was surely one of the more confusing ones.

Chloe rubbed at her back before they separated and Victoria went to looking back at her.

They crossed their arms again.

“And I do have meaning, anyway.”

Victoria looked at her carefully.

“How?”

Chloe rolled her eyes.

“I’ve been a somewhat-functioning adult for a few years now, Vic. Come on.”

She looked over to Max, who smiled at her, then past Max to the door leading into the bedroom, before back to Victoria.

“Since you’re being all weird and existential lately I get it, but.”

Victoria frowned slightly, but she knew this was a playful joke, and Chloe’s delivery was along those lines – slight uptick in her voice, slight smirk, it was all there.

“But I don’t get my kicks from things.”

Chloe sighed and closed her eyes.

“I get it from people.”

She opened it again.

“And I have the three most important people in my life under one roof. That’s … pretty fucking awesome.”

Victoria nodded but then shook her head.

“Yes – but – it’s not enough, is it?”

Chloe frowned.

“Sure it is.”

Victoria sighed and left her position near Chloe to walk towards the kitchen bar.

“Whatever.”

Chloe sighed too and considered just letting Victoria be Like That, but decided to keep digging.

Victoria probably wasn’t going to stop acting like this until they worked it out, anyway.

She took her beer and took another sip of it before following after Victoria, who was now just moodily standing in the kitchen, looking away from Chloe, to their fridge or something.

Max watched them go.

She never quite knew what to say to Victoria and time hadn’t changed that, but at least Chloe seemed to know how to handle her, perhaps unsurprisingly.

At least Victoria was more-or-less nice to Max, now.

Chloe didn’t hesitate, this time, when she got close to Victoria.

She wrapped her arms around, looping them loose and low in front of her, gently clutching her beer.

Victoria made her small surprised sound but she didn’t jump anymore like she used to, which was fine.

It just meant there was less time before she leaned back into it and relaxed.

They both closed their eyes and vaguely remembered times they had touched like this prior.

Chloe started to gently sway from side to side.

So did Victoria.

Eventually, though,

“You’re not happy out here, with us.”

Victoria groaned.

“I didn’t say that.”

Chloe scoffed.

“Of course you didn’t. That would be too easy.”

Victoria groaned _again_ but knew this was a stupid joke and she could just picture Chloe doing that dumb stupid smirk and the way her head would slightly tilt and ugh.

But she smiled a little, too.

“I just …”

The smile went away.

“It reminds me too much of the bullshit.”

They kept swaying.

Chloe hummed.

“What do you think you need, then?”

Victoria shrugged.

“You know I … talked to Rachel.”

Chloe blinked her eyes open and suspiciously looked down to Victoria.

“You did not.”

Victoria shook her head barely.

“I did. Wanted to know why she threw everything away and moved out here.”

Chloe shrugged again.

“’cuz she thought her life would be better out here and people would be fine without her?”

Victoria shook her head, again.

“No. I mean, yes, but, no, also.”

Chloe blinked.

“Yes but also no. That is helpful.”

Victoria groaned more painfully this time, flicking some part of Chloe’s arms around her, and Chloe giggled a little.

“You’re as obnoxious as ever. Let me finish.”

Chloe just hummed dreamily.

“I’m Letting, I’m letting …”

She closed her eyes again and raised a hand up to rub at Victoria’s belly, and she surprisingly didn’t rebut that.

Normally – or at least in the past – Victoria was particular about where she could be snuggled and touched.

Chloe thought to snake her hand underneath the shirt, but she dismissed it as quickly as it came.

Victoria relaxed again.

“She wanted … purpose. Meaning. Being the popular rich girl didn’t mean anything. It was just ... money, and friends. It wasn’t happiness.”

Chloe thought about it while Victoria sighed.

“But … seeing the world, making a real change for good on it … yeah. Maybe that’s happiness.”

Chloe shrugged a little.

“Are you going to get to the part of the story where she was wrong, wrongzo, wrongity wrong-wrong-wrong? Or should I help finish?”

Victoria grunted flatly.

“I don’t blame her for leaving that fucking hick town to try and make a difference in the world. I only blame her for hurting people.”

Chloe sighed more wearily, taking a sip of her beer, though it was kinda awkward with a moody Victoria slotted into her front.

“Yeah, well, them’s the breaks, isn’t it? If you’re out ‘changing the world’ you’re not _here_ , with _me_ , are you?”

Victoria thought about it for a bit.

“I can do both. I … I know I can.”

Chloe sighed even _more_ wearily.

“Vic …”

It seems her quarter-life crisis just resulted in another Rachel.

Chloe had enough Rachels for her life time.

Maybe several.

Victoria groaned in response and turned around in Chloe’s arms.

Chloe resisted groping her butt, since they weren’t like that anymore.

Or they were, but only sort of.

Relationships are confusing.

Either way, Chloe didn’t do it, and she opened her eyes to look down at Victoria, since that’s what it felt like she wanted.

Victoria placed her hands on Chloe’s chest, however, just looking down at her.

Despite the fact this essentially meant her hands were on Chloe’s boobs, this didn’t feel ogling or inappropriate, for some reason.

“I know. I know. You’ve heard that one before.”

Chloe rolled her eyes.

“Putting it mildly …”

Victoria went all quiet and contemplative and gentle, and it was cute.

Chloe wanted to kiss her head, but she didn’t.

She thought about it, though.

“Maybe … I don’t even know anymore.”

Chloe leaned over – Victoria leaned with her – as she put her beer can on the bar, so her hands could raise up and more properly hug Victoria.

Victoria’s arms did what they used to do and they comfortably slid forward, resting lazily on Chloe’s back, kind of hugging her neck but not really.

“I don’t think we’re expected to have the world all figured out, yet …”

Victoria scoffed, but gently looked up to Chloe.

“You kid, but … maybe not.”

Chloe smiled.

The way Victoria looked when she got all quiet and pouty and then just looked up to Chloe gently was cuter than she remembered.

Maybe it was the pink hair.

Chloe broke a hand away to rub at it, and even if Victoria made an annoyed noise, she made no active steps to stop it.

Since it was so goddamn short it’s not like she was messing it up that much, anyway.

“So just … chill. Yeah? Come sit on the couch with Max and I. Make more annoyed sounds when I touch you where you hate being touched. Relax. Stop worrying about everything.”

Victoria frowned, but just a bit, and it was one of those frowns where Victoria knew she was probably in the wrong and just needed a second or to two to think it through.

Chloe’s hand was quite distracting, but mercifully she was only interested in petting for a few seconds and her hands went down to hug loosely, again.

“I … somehow feel like we’ve had this conversation before.”

Chloe scoffed and leaned over – Victoria leaned with her – to pick up her beer again.

“Yeah. Only you made the dumb decision the last time.”

Victoria looked down for a few seconds, and when Chloe finished her drink, she got a gentle and quiet kiss to her cheek.

They locked their eyes for a bit, and they both smiled.

Victoria inelegantly shoved Chloe to the side and started walking back to the couch.

 

Chloe ended up getting to lay on _two_ people, now.

It was pretty much the best thing ever.

 

\---

 

Victoria was up a little late, which meant Chloe and Max had gone to bed.

Normally, this was not something Victoria would do, but the temp job she picked up while lining up her real one had some sacrifices.

Someone obnoxiously placed their hands on Victoria’s head, blocking out her eyes.

“Guess who?”

Some _annoying_ sacrifices.

Victoria sighed a bit wearily.

“It’s less amusing the second night in a row, Rachel.”

Rachel giggled gently and tiredly and let her hands fall down.

“Darn. I was hoping to fool you, this time.”

At times, Victoria wondered where Chloe had gotten so touch-heavy and touch-casual.

But now that Victoria had an actual working relationship with Rachel, it was hard to imagine how Chloe could be anything else.

Rachel was so handsy and touchy.

She leaned over Victoria’s sitting position and her arms just kind of draped down in a way that obviously reminded her of Chloe.

At the dumb joke Victoria rolled her eyes.

“What do you want?”

She kept tapping on her keyboard.

Despite Victoria’s … everything, Rachel had talked to Chloe about Victoria, and started to understand her more like Chloe did.

It was weird to think anyone could be jealous of her after what she had done.

Maybe that’s why she wasn’t, anymore.

“I see you making googly eyes at Chloe.”

Victoria scoffed.

“Does it entertain you to know I was probably thinking of fucking her?”

Rachel hummed amusedly, appropriately.

“I guess we’re on the same page, then.”

Victoria rolled her eyes again and stopped typing at her keyboard to cross her arms.

“What’s it to you?”

Rachel’s tone shifted a little here, getting softer and more serious, and her posture did, too.

Instead of leaning over Victoria she walked to her side and rested on the nearby wall, for eye contact.

“Are you thinking about dating her again?”

Victoria raised an eyebrow.

“Are you telling me not to?”

Rachel shook her head, slightly.

“No … I’m not.”

She smiled and looked away in a posture that read as nostalgic to Victoria, or maybe it was just the tone of voice behind those words.

Like they were quietly sad, but resigned to a fate.

Maybe Victoria was just projecting.

Rachel then sighed.

“If I was sixteen, seventeen, eighteen … I wouldn’t hesitate to.”

She looked back at Victoria.

“Now, though … we’re different people.”

Victoria looked away from Rachel, to her monitor, thinking about it with a flat hum.

“I guess so. Chloe’s not some moody asshole anymore.”

Rachel leaned a little towards Victoria.

“And I’m not some bright-eyed wonderkid, ready to take on the world.”

Victoria looked back to her.

While Chloe’s change in maturity Victoria was obviously more aware of and intimate with, Rachel was different, too.

She looked simply older than Victoria thought she might by now.

She had some tattoos, all over her body.

The smile was still there, but it felt less forced and plastic to Victoria, somehow.

“You look … mostly the same, to me. Never imagined you to be an ‘expensive skin’-type.”

Rachel laughed.

“My mom knows a guy. He’s real chill.”

Victoria couldn’t imagine Rachel’s mother knowing a tattoo guy, but, whatever.

Rachel then hesitated and squinted a bit, looking at Victoria more carefully.

“But, yeah … Chloe’s more of a homebody now than I imagined she would be.”

Victoria nodded, looking back to her screen.

“She values her relationships more than going out, I guess.”

Rachel couldn’t help a sad sigh at this, pushing off the wall to start walking towards the exit of their home.

“Yeah … all I’m saying is, keep her happy. She deserves it.”

Victoria, of course, heard the regret and sadness in Rachel’s voice, and hesitated.

“Rachel …”

Rachel stopped, still facing away from Victoria, and Victoria was still looking at her monitor.

“… what?”

Victoria sighed.

Was she really going to fucking do this?

Yes, fuck it.

She stood up and walked behind Rachel, crossing her arms.

“I’ve already dealt with one moody sad sack, don’t make me deal with two.”

Rachel blinked and carefully turned around.

“What?”

She blinked a little uselessly, clearly not expecting the intervention.

Victoria hesitated again but sighed and closed her eyes, looking down.

“Look – I know you, hurt, her. But you can heal her, too. Chloe doesn’t forget but she forgives.”

She looked up and opened her eyes to see a surprised-looking Rachel.

“Victoria, I – I don’t think you understand, Chloe almost –“

Victoria took a step closer.

“No. I understand _exactly_. I was there for every single piece of Chloe falling apart after you left her to _die_.”

They both went quiet at the seriousness of the conversation, thinking.

They both frowned for a second or two.

Victoria continued.

“And I was there for every second of her becoming the amazing woman she is now.”

Rachel continued to think, crossing her arms and frowning.

“What are you saying?”

Victoria uncrossed her arms.

“Stop holding this crap over your head. You made a mistake. But Chloe doesn’t hate you.”

She took another step closer and emphasized this by placing her hand on Rachel’s shoulder, surely something Victoria would have _never_ done in her past life.

Rachel noticed this immediately, of course, looking to the hand in clear shock.

“And neither do I. You can make her just as happy as me.”

Whence the shock wore off, Rachel started to smile and sigh gently.

She closed her eyes and very obviously thought for a few seconds later.

“Thanks, Victoria. I – I don’t know. But ...”

Victoria rolled her eyes a little and hated how she was already parroting Chloe not one day later,

“But we’re not expected to have everything figured out, yet.”

Rachel scoffed, amused, and looked down with a quiet chuckle.

“Yeah … you know, you’re not such a bad woman yourself.”

Victoria nodded.

“I know. I’m fucking amazing.”                                    

Rachel scoffed and had her amused laugh again but was genuinely warmed to see a Victoria genuinely confident in herself.

And one who could look past their prior awful relationship to help a friend in need.

Maybe she and Chloe really were meant for each other.

Maybe she could see if Chloe wanted to start things up with her, too.

It was confusing, but.

 

Victoria was right.

They had time.

Victoria felt good, in a weird way she hadn’t in a while, as Rachel left.

She came to the conclusion that helping people like that felt really really fucking good.

 

\---

 

Victoria wanted a fancy dinner date.

She got her wish, somewhat surprisingly.

 

Chloe showed up in what Victoria could only describe as the most stereotypical punk outfit she had ever seen, which was of course unsurprising as could be.

Eventually, Victoria would get her into a dress, though she didn’t know this was something Rachel had tried and failed to do for a full two and a half years.

Her denim jacket was even complete with a bunch of band patches and her hair wasn’t even combed or anything.

She was a fucking mess and Victoria fucking loved it.

Victoria, for her part, managed to surprise Chloe, since Victoria turned up in a nice suit.

There was dissonance between her hair and her outfit, but Chloe liked it.

Victoria wasn’t obeying society’s rules as much as she wasn’t, just in different ways.

Still, Chloe was surprised how boldly Victoria accepted and embraced her as her plus one to this event, despite the odd stares from the patrons and staff from waiters on down.

Even when their reservations were checked, Victoria stuck her hand right on Chloe’s opposite shoulder, tugged her _right_ into her side, and told the maître d flatly and forcefully about a table for two under Price.

Chloe expected more shame.

But Victoria had none left in her, anymore.

It still took some getting used to, but Chloe didn’t dislike it one bit.

In fact, she was starting to think she loved it, and her stupid smug grin as the people stared at her only seemed to affirm that.

 

It was later in the afternoon after a few wines and a meal that was probably too expensive for Chloe’s blood that Chloe heard the full story behind Victoria moving here, including the ex and her father and mother and all.

She had heard bits and pieces, but not the whole shebang.

It didn’t surprise Chloe that Victoria’s father could have beaten her or that he disowned her when she came out to him and dyed her hair.

But it did surprise her to learn that her father reneged, to a degree.

And that she was getting better about her nightmares and drinking.

 

Chloe sipped her wine, intentionally holding the glass wrongly because she wasn’t a fancy bitch.

“Damn. Sounds like you’ve had fun.”

Victoria sipped her wine with a scoff, intentionally holding the glass the way she was supposed to, because she _was_ a fancy bitch.

“Mmmm … fun, maybe.”

She looked away, eyes darting momentarily to some wait staff before back to Chloe.

“It’s been a while since we’ve had 'fun'.”

Chloe blinked but then grinned a little, leaning forward in her table.

“That’s a mood change.”

Victoria rolled her eyes.

“I’m Victoria Chase, the alcoholic bitch with daddy issues. Yes, you get some mood swings.”

She sipped again.

“Take it or leave it.”

Chloe started to find Victoria’s genuine confidence or – more like self-acceptance – really endearing.

Victoria wasn’t even whispering this shit, so it’s not like a waiter couldn’t overhear them if he bothered to walk by or something.

“Yeah … I could take it. But …”

She folded her hands together and looked off, herself.

Victoria sighed gently and put her glass down to lean forward a bit.

“Conflicted? Too busy fucking Max? Rachel?”

Chloe laughed gently again, still endeared, and looked back to Victoria.

“No, I just … I don’t know. Max is my best friend in the whole wide world. Rachel’s … warming up to me again, too. Things are … kinda unclear right now. We all just like, casually cuddle, and stuff …”

Victoria scoffed gently, taking another sip.

“I don’t care if you cuddle their faces off. It’s your pussy I’m interested in.”

That got the first out-right laugh from Chloe.

Damn, Victoria.

“Damn, Victoria.”

She couldn’t not take another sip at that and look at Victoria with these obvious moon-eyes.

Victoria was so refreshing.

Chloe sighed dreamily, looking down to her empty plate and mostly-empty wine glass.

“I mean … yeah.”

She finished her wine off with a deep, content sigh.

“If you’re fine with things being a little fuzzy here and there.”

Victoria swirled the wine around in her glass, beaming.

“Max is cute. Maybe she can join in sometimes.”

Chloe blinked, then smirked.

“Let me guess, but not Rachel?”

Victoria kept swirling and rolled her eyes.

She smirked, too, and crossed one arms over, as if her posture wasn’t confident and smug enough.

 

“She can join in too. If she _begs_ first.”

 

Chloe laughed, laughed, laughed … but then she looked at Victoria, again.

She couldn’t take her eyes off of her, anymore.

It was almost surreal to watch this bougie bitch in a suit with pink hair swirl her wine and casually talking about fucking whatever women she wanted to.

It was as surreal when Victoria finished off her wine, called a waiter over, and coldly told him to get a check for her and her _girlfriend_.

Chloe hadn’t heard the word in a while.

For so long, Victoria struggled with the simple word.

Girlfriend.

But here, and now, maybe that was the only way to really describe her.

Girlfriend.

Chloe honestly didn’t know what was going to happen, going forward, with all of the women in her life.

But maybe this was the best option for now.

Chloe didn’t know if she could share, or if Victoria could realistically, but the thought being open was nice.

 

She found herself wondering how they would respond to the Victoria only she knew.

The Victoria that came out as they took their ride home – Victoria apparently springing for a limo, because of course she did.

Not long after getting in, Victoria shoved Chloe to the side of the limo’s walls and started to make out with her.

It made her lipstick and makeup run, but Chloe knew Victoria didn’t care about that anymore.

Hell, she’d probably flatly tell the driver it was because she was making out with her girlfriend, got a problem?

Chloe sure didn’t.

 

They went home and Victoria tore her out of the car, holding her wrist tightly the entire walk home.

Chloe liked it when she got a little bossy, and this Victoria surely had no reason to be anything but.

As they marched inside they arrived at the conclusion that Rachel had gone to work for the night and Max had already gone to bed.

Victoria didn’t 100% expect Chloe to say yes to turning back the clock and reuniting what they were, so she didn’t bother to let Max know that they might be sleeping together tonight.

Thankfully, they had separate beds, all of which only just fit into their tiny bedroom.

But as Victoria’s fingers went under Chloe’s clothes as they walked towards it and Chloe already started to make appreciative, heated sounds, she knew this would probably wake Max up.

 

Better do it earlier rather than later.

 

In they went to the bedroom.

Victoria shoved Chloe to the wall and trailed her hand under her pants, but kept the touch above panties for now, stroking along her inner thighs and of course unzipping her jeans.

Chloe looked to Max but quite enjoyed being pet like this by a bossy-as-fuck Victoria.

Still –

“H-hey, c’mon, she’s –”

Like Victoria cared.

That devilish hand went a bit up and Chloe couldn’t help a gentle moan, closing her eyes and pushing herself into Victoria’s still-skilled touch.

Victoria cleared her throat and spoke loudly towards Max with her hand literally in Chloe’s pants one step removed from fucking fingering her.

“Caulfield. Wake up.”

She said this once or twice before a tired Max groggily groaned and sat up, immediately realizing that … Victoria and Chloe were right there, and it was not hard to figure out what they were doing.

It didn’t stop her from blushing madly and averting her gaze when she saw it though.

“Uhhh … I’m up, I’m up, what’re –”

Victoria unsurprisingly didn’t give her edgewise –

“- Good. I’m about to _lovingly_ fuck my girlfriend. But as you can hear, she’s quite loud.”

Chloe of course blushed too, but mostly for other reasons.

“It’s, uhh …”

Victoria looked back to Chloe.

“Shush, dear.”

Her free hand came to Chloe’s mouth, not overly clamping over it, but placing two fingers on it.

Chloe started to lick and rub her lips against one of the fingers.

Amused, Victoria looked back to Max.

“You can watch, if you want, or go sit on the couch. I’ll be more careful about planning these in the future so you’re not … unduly burdened.”

Max eventually got up from the bed and quietly walked to the door with a stretch and small yawn.

“Uhhh … I think I’m good.”

Victoria shrugged.

“Your loss.”

That wasn’t entirely unexpected – Victoria wasn’t even positive Max wasn’t still a virgin.

What was, unexpected, however, is Chloe half-moaning and looking over to Max, nudging Victoria’s fingers away from her mouth by moving her face and lips around –

“M-max.”

Max blinked.

Victoria blinked.

Chloe blinked.

To make it … slightly easier on Chloe, Victoria took her hand out of her pants and of course relished the annoyed childlike whine from Chloe when the hand was removed.

Max carefully looked over to Chloe and of course she was still blushing like mad.

“… Chloe?”

Chloe extended one of her hands out, towards Max.

 

“… ever had a threesome?”

 

This, then, got a proper laugh out of Victoria.

Max looked over to Victoria, who despite everything, smiled quite warmly back at her.

It’s not as though they had a particularly strong relationship, but Max reminded her more than a little of a certain someone – or maybe wise round – and this situation was unique, it seemed.

And as Max took Chloe’s hand, the lines got even blurrier and hard to tell.

Victoria was quietly reminded of the fact Chloe once told her Max actually was courageous, if pushed a little.

The only time she really started to believe it is when she, Victoria, a near-stranger, started ordering Max to strip, and she totally obeyed.

It kinda felt intoxicating.

Or maybe that was the wine.

It was slightly out of her comfort zone to boss _two_ people around at once.

But it was okay.

She wasn’t expected to have _everything_ figured out, yet.

 

After a surprisingly exhausting night, Victoria laid bare in bed, with Chloe and Max somewhere nearby, equally exhausted if not more.

Apparently, Max was attracted to the both of them, too, but just never bothered to ask.

How surprisingly enjoyable it was to be so clear and upfront about what was desired.

This wasn’t where she saw herself, however many years ago it was now that she broke up with Chloe and left her.

But it wasn’t anything to complain about.

She smiled.

She felt good.

Happy.

Victoria didn’t have any nightmares that night.

But she wasn’t scared of them, anymore.

 

\---

 

As the days ticked by Chloe and Victoria both learned they were both kinda right, in that conversation about meaning.

While it was frankly unbelievable to come home to three other beautiful loving women with whatever kind of crazy-ass fucking labels that must be divined to describe their various relationships, there was more to life.

Chloe and Victoria slowly came to the same conclusion that their meaning came from helping people.

Max and Rachel it seemed drew meaning from somewhere else.

Chloe decided to get her GED and enroll in a degree program to start down the path of teaching.

While it was kind of hilarious to imagine Chloe in her half-torn studded boots becoming some kind of straight-laced teacher, maybe she wouldn’t have to be.

She was still trying to figure out what and who to teach.

She seemed particularly drawn to younger kids, which Victoria wouldn’t have suspected in a million years.

But there was something about being the voice of maturity that helps someone like that grow.

Something that allowed her to convince herself about the positive change she was making on the world.

Something that gave her life meaning.

As was often the case, Chloe’s path to enlightenment proved useful to Victoria’s own.

Teaching … wasn’t quite her thing.

At least, not in a school setting.

Victoria had ended up in various chatrooms for her anime nerd garbage over the years, and slowly nursed a community of her own.

She smirked as one message appeared on her computer.

 

_branch: hey so uhhh_

_branch: how do you know when youve got a girlfriend_

_branch: like ive got tHIs frond_

_branch: fRIED_

_branch: friend_

_branch: but were like_

_branch: mAkeOut friends_

She almost couldn’t contain her amusement.

Branch was a younger girl, still in high school, and still figuring some things out.

She also knew that Victoria was much more experienced.

She quietly typed back into her keyboard.

 

_sasha_blouse_can_raw_me: do you know how fucking stupid ‘makeout friends’ is as a concept_

_sasha_blouse_can_raw_me: you’ve got a girlfriend already_

_sasha_blouse_can_raw_me: go fuck her_

_branch: YOOOOOO_

_branch: uh_

_branch: shit_

_branch: hehehe_

 

Victoria only laughed.

This, then, as Branch slowly came to terms with the fact that she indeed had a girlfriend, was what filled Victoria with feelings she didn’t know how to describe.

But it made her story worth telling.

It was the thing she could point to to make all of the bullshit in her life worth it.

Chloe’s tongue, too, but this.

Here, her first name was not Victoria, and she wasn’t a woman.

It was an interesting thing.

She didn’t know if that would carry over to her real life.

But that was okay.

She wasn’t expected to have everything figured out, yet.

 

But she figured out the big things, now.

The stuff that kept her happy.

Even if she still struggled with alcohol, even if she still had nightmares and remembered only bits and pieces now of her childhood, even if she had some days that frankly weren’t that great or moments of doubt about who she was and what she was doing,

She was happy.

And in her own little ways, she was making other people happy, too.

 

Plus, ordering Max around in bed was _really_ fun.

 

\--- 

 

Chloe came home and entered into the bedroom.

By now, they had moved into a slightly bigger place, mostly so they could get a bigger bedroom.

Other changes had come and gone.

Both Chloe and Victoria had let their dye wash out, and were debating redying.

Max was studying abroad.

Rachel was backpacking through Europe.

They’d both be back, at some point, and they had a loving home for them when they did.

Victoria found she missed them, even if Max was quiet to the point of farce and Rachel was the opposite.

But they were never gone for too long.

These people in her life wouldn’t ever be thoughtlessly pushed away, again.

She even kept up with Sophia, who had graduated and was doing exactly what she wanted to do.

Victoria was frankly surprised that actually worked out for anyone, but who knows.

Nathan was around sometimes, too.

The struggles with his dad were pronounced, but he was mostly managing.

Chloe didn’t even hate him anymore, which was nice.

Victoria’s relationship with her family was … tolerable.

Her dad was distant, but she learned her mother had convinced him to do the bare fucking minimum and stop beating his kids, so, whatever.

Chloe didn’t talk much about her family, and Victoria didn’t blame her.

Sometimes, it’s just easier to find a different kind of family, not identified by name or blood.

Victoria occasionally heard from Taylor or Courtney or other lesser Vortex Club members.

Taylor got married _quick_ to a broad-shouldered man who Victoria supposed could be called attractive.

Victoria was totally pinning her as a lesbian, both literally once and metaphorically speaking, but she definitely did not bring this up to Chloe, since marriage …

She wasn’t sure what to think about that, still.

But that was okay.

She wasn’t expected to have everything figured out.

She had time.

 

Victoria was on her computer.

Chloe came up behind her, yawning and stretching, and leaned down to kiss at the top of her head.

“Hey …”

Victoria quietly sighed, crossing her arms, and looked up to kiss at the bottom of Chloe’s chin, before inexplicably raising her hands up and tugging Chloe down even more into a proper kiss.

Chloe blinked but giggled as she was tugged, placing her hands on the chair for support.

 

That night was just relaxing.

They had a nice calm dinner, watched TV for a little bit as Victoria typed on her laptop, and only as the night drew long did they retract back into their bedroom.

Some nights, Victoria pushy and shove-y and demanding, simply not asking before her fingers went on her girlfriend’s body and she got the sounds she wanted.

Chloe frankly had no problems with this.

Some nights, though, Victoria wasn’t _that_ pushy.

They were slow, and relaxed, and gentle.

They walked to bed together, holding hands after all of their day’s requirements had been done.

They stripped and lay down and snuggled and snuggled and snuggled until they were snuggled out.

Chloe ate her out.

Victoria told her to do better and she might get it returned, next time.

But after a little pouting, she got to enjoy Victoria’s fingers instead, and her mouth constantly kissing her.

A fair compromise.

It also allowed them to end gently.

Victoria’s fingers slowly stopped pumping and transitioned to lovingly scaling her girlfriend’s body.

Chloe’s moved away from playing with the back of Victoria’s head and started to roam downwards for more hugging and snuggling.

Victoria was on top, since she _never_ let Chloe mount her, and forcefully buried her in a mountain of quite passionate kisses, all over her face.

She didn’t stop until the moans died down to happy giggles.

Then, as she did in many nights, Victoria slinked down, and accepted Chloe kind of half-spooning her, since Chloe liked to sleep on her side, and Victoria did not.

She got to feel Chloe’s breath on her neck and feel her nose and lips have nothing to do but exhume more warmth and love.

Victoria closed her eyes and sighed.

“Hey …”

Chloe made the laziest of humming noises.

Victoria continued.

“I think … we’re doing alright.”

Chloe snickered and brought her face up to look at Victoria’s closed eyes, beaming.

“You’re not doing the existential thing again, are you?”

Victoria scoffed and playfully slapped some part of Chloe’s body, opening her eyes to glare.

“I am. Kindly go fuck yourself.”

Chloe sort of obnoxiously but mostly sexily started gyrating herself against Victoria’s side,

“Mmmm … gettin’ started on that, babe.”

Victoria knew Chloe _probably_ didn’t want a round two, she was just being obnoxiously Chloe again.

So she looked up with a smile and scoff and gently shook her head.

And Chloe, as her girlfriend knew, _was_ just being a little obnoxious.

She calmed herself down after a few seconds of the tease then gave a little peck on Victoria’s cheek.

“But, yeah. We’re doing okay.”

 

They both sighed, happy, and slowly went to sleep.

Who knows what would happen in five, ten, twenty years.

 

But if this world hadn’t yet killed them, it wouldn’t ever manage to.

And everything they went through just served as lesson to be learned, in the perpetual school that is life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a surprising amount of me that went into this, or maybe less surprising, if you know me personally. This is a very carefully-disguised self-insert as fanfiction, sort of with the serial numbers sawed off, so to speak. I know the journey here was painful and dark at times, but I hope it was worth it.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


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